 Bloody KnucklesMy hands were filthy. A thick layer of dirt had engulfed them like a glove, except for five spots on each hand. Those were immaculately clean and unusually smooth - as if fine sandpaper had been run over each of them thousands of times. Maybe, because it had. The concrete and meticulously placed hoop on top of the garage had become my workshop; the ball, my sandpaper.
Afternoon has turned to evening by now - after a solid hour of countless dribbles that leave your hands tingling, hundreds of shots from every conceivable angle, and, since I’m my own partner, just as many rebounds. I realize any fatigue is merely a mirage when my brother walks out the back door and challenges me to a game of one on one. Immediately I know what the next hour is going to consist of. Not to mention, joy hinges fully on winning. If he wins, he won’t stop talking plus the physical abuse he is about to put me through won’t be worth it. He’s not good at basketball, but he’s big - at least compared to me. He’s seven years older. Every time we play I secretly hope he will find an ounce of compassion and let me win just once. No luck so far. I’ve never beaten him. His strategy, and compassion, haven’t changed. On offense he simply turns his butt to me, dribbles the ball as far away from me as possible, and backs me down. For those unfamiliar with basketball, think of a bulldozer slowly and methodically inching their way right under the rim for the easiest shot possible. He uses his size to his full advantage. I push, shove, and foul my way to game point - next point wins. The problem is, it’s his ball. I try to stand my ground, but he eventually works his way to just a few feet from the rim. As he puts the ball above his head I jump to grab both his arms, swinging on them like he’s a jungle gym. It doesn’t help. He misses his first shot but immediately gets the rebound and puts it in. Game. I’m immediately filled with rage. All I wanted to do was to beat him so I could shut him up. “Maybe next time” he chirped as I walked towards the garage door to pick up the ball. I was calm and cool on the outside, but on fire on the inside. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Instead of reaching down to pick up the basketball laying against the garage door, I choose a different route. One I immediately regret. I put my fist through our garage window. The sound of the glass hitting the concrete instantly shakes me from my tantrum, just in time to see blood running down my hand. Unfortunately, my hand wasn’t the most painful aspect of the incident. That honor would go to my backside which received five wallopings from dad. The same fire that motivated me to scratch and claw against my brother, the same fire that drove me to practice for hours every day … had just burned my house down. Why Should We Care? Last week I wrote about the pure competition of a child, giving your all in pursuit of nothing but your best. It’s beautiful and fleeting. If only it could last. If only that could be our approach to competition for the rest of our lives. But, it’s not. There is an ugly side to competition too. The ugly side of competition is fueled by the same fire, but with a skewed purpose. Rather than hunting growth through our battles, we begin pursuing recognition and status. The grass-stains are replaced by trophies and we quickly begin to believe that no trophy equates to no growth. What a lousy exchange that we all too willingly accept. This misguided purpose leads us to prioritizing the opinions of others over our own feelings of fulfillment. We go from practicing as a means to maximize and stretch ourselves to preparing as a means to be viewed as superior to someone else or, worse yet, to avoid being viewed as inferior. Our desire to fit in and be like everyone else grows to an all time high. The stakes matter, but they’re relative. A pick-up game against my brother doesn’t appear like high stakes, but try telling that to an eleven year old that wants to prove he’s good enough. To me, those stakes were pretty high. Make no mistake about it, the feelings of inferiority and doubt so many people feel is a result of competition. It’s an external competition we are unknowingly engaged in. And, it’s everywhere in today’s society. The only way to return to the purity of competition is to return to the internal approach of the child. The purpose matters. We had it right the first time. REAL TALK - Action Steps Few things in life are more important than a clarity of purpose. It can provide motivation, inspire persistence, guide decisions, and simplify our focus. Here are a few thoughts to consider when trying to gain clarity on your purpose.
Competition can be a gift or a curse. It can warm the house or burn it down. Purity of purpose and consistent intentionality will allow us to use competition to our benefit rather than our demise. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!
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 Grass-Stained KneesGraham North Elementary school in the no traffic light town of Rosewood, Ohio is alive with a few hundred of Champaign County’s most untamed beasts: kindergarten through fourth grade students. The air in the building is filled with the perfect blend of loving support from teachers that truly cared and nerve-rattling unease from, well, a few hundred six through ten year olds.
It’s 1987 and none of that matters because today we have a football game. The same game we’ve had for the last four days. But, this one is for the championship - all the marbles. That’s right, we were going to decide once and for all which team was the best … for this week - we’ll pick new teams next week … and do it all over again. But, for now, this is IT! We get organized for recess before the bell even rings. I’ve got the football. That’s all we need. We know the boundaries. We know the teams. Now we just wait for the bell to launch us into our sprint to the field, an experience I’m sure most teachers compare to the annual running of the bulls. The waiting is always the worst part. I’ve been waiting since the whistle yesterday called us to line-up and go back inside - easily the worst part of every day, I might add. But, the wait is over. The bell rings and we’re off. The sprint is on. I’m first to the field which means it’s our ball. Suckers walk - they have to go to the other end of the field and kick-off to us. I’m ready. I’ve got my best sweatpants on, with the bottoms pulled up just below my knee as if I’m leading off for the Yankees. Best, by the way, is all about performance and has absolutely nothing to do with appearance - nothing. The same goes for my tall white socks yanked up to meet my sweatpants and the tattered t-shirt topping off the outfit. My school outfit for the day is based solely on what will give us the best chance to win. The most competitive game of recess football - two-hand touch as far as the teachers were concerned - is played that day. Touchdowns are caught, airborne high fives are everywhere, and grass-stains are forever etched into the knees of our sweatpants … I mean, did you even play if you didn’t have any grass-stains? No. No, you didn’t. The grass-stains were the whole point. Why Should We Care? We should care because competing just to compete is being lost. We’re so worried about what we’re going to get or who we’re competing against that we we’re starting to lose the entire purpose of competition: growth, struggle, improvement! Competition is becoming a risk-management decision. Does this hurt my image if I lose? It’ll be better if I don’t put everything into it so I can say I didn’t really try, right? Wouldn’t want to be a ‘try-hard’ after all. What if I go for it and don’t get it? Does that kill my career? What are other people going to think of me? What excuses can I have pre-loaded to soften the blow in case I lose? Is there a way to be really good without doing all the work, making all the sacrifices, and giving up all my time? How far out of my comfort zone is enough? Is there a way I can just appear like I’m a success, without having to do all that? These questions running through our heads are tragic in two fundamental ways: 1. We stop competing; 2. We focus solely on competing with others. All of the questions above are tied to one of these misguided approaches to competition. No competition ultimately leads to a life that reflects back with the unshakable question: What if? We will always wonder what we were capable of doing, who we could’ve impacted, and what true fulfillment actually feels like. Comparison-based competition will take us to a different question: Am I enough? And, if all we do is compare, the accurate answer is ‘No’. There will be no escaping the exhaustion of the chase, the feeling that we don’t belong, and the uneasiness in our own skin. As smart as we are, fourth graders are the wise ones in this area. They’re just trying to get more grass-stains. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are the grass-stained answers for the questions above:
We don’t get grass-stains from standing on the sidelines. We don’t get grass-stains from playing it safe or hedging our bets. To get grass-stains we have to compete. Sometimes we’ll win and sometimes we’ll lose, but if we’re doing it right we’ll always leave with grass-stained knees. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  The WaterlineStory Catalyst
What are you doing to keep the main thing the main thing? Gordon MacDonald starts his book, The Life God Blesses, with a story about a mariner consumed with building a sailboat. I’ve paraphrased the parable below: The man set out to build a yacht. He was well liked by all who knew him and intended to build the grandest boat that ever sailed from his yacht club. He named his yacht, Persona and spared no expense to make it look stunningly beautiful. It was fitted with fine brass trim, colorful sails, and every convenience you could imagine in the cabin. The man’s excitement for the completion of his yacht centered on the anticipation of admiration that the Persona would garner. The more he thought about that day, the more focused he became in making certain to add anything that would make her look good. Since no one would ever see the underside of his yacht, the man wasted no money on the design of the keel or hull. “Why should I waste time and money on those things that are out of sight, below the water line?”, he reasoned. So consumed with the appearance, the man failed to ever consider the seaworthiness of the grand Persona. His plan was working. As construction neared completion crowds came to look at the spectacle that was the Persona. Many thought the man brilliant and envied his accomplishments. Finally the day came for the launch of the Persona. As she entered the water, the man’s pride swelled as the crowd admired her. A few other boats joined her on this initial sail. All was well, until she reached the mouth of the harbor where the wind kicked up and the waves grew in size. Suddenly the Persona started to falter. The boats sailing with her, pulled away, returning to the harbor, but the man who had built this grand yacht was so enthralled with his boat, he continued to sail towards the sea and into the growing storm. Within minutes it was obvious the man was in serious trouble, as the Persona began to take on water. As the waves tossed her about, she was unable to right herself as a sturdy vessel should. In a matter of moments, this small storm had taken the grand Persona down. A closer look into her destruction revealed the sad story of the mistaken man. All his efforts were focused on what could be seen, the beauty above the waterline. His vanity kept him from investing in those things that would have made her a solid boat that could weather the storms. And so, the man who so craved the applause of his friends instead was remembered simply as a fool. Insight Trifecta Below are three questions that dive deeper into the topic at hand. My responses are included. I hope you’ll take the time to explore your responses to each as well.
This is the essence of trusting the process and surrendering the outcome. Control of the outcome is an illusion, so why not surrender it? The external presentation is only impacted by how we choose to show up for the process. Clarity of purpose drives clarity of process.
I do everything I can to avoid doing this anymore. I’m constantly gathering feedback and reflecting to be sure I’m honoring the foundational work our program is built on. Incentivizing above the waterline behaviors without the foundational, below the waterline focus is poison for any culture.
I always wonder - is it really work? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like chasing a purpose or pursuing a calling. I’ve never thought of any of it as work. It’s just what needs to be done to be the best I can be. Question to Carry A final question for you to consider over the next week: How does consistently attending to your unseen work shift your sense of genuine capability versus your concern about external perceptions? In our life, the waterline draws a clear break between substance and immaterial, what we can control and what we can’t, what truly impacts our life and what doesn’t. It would do us all good to become aware of exactly where our waterline is located. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  What Details Matter?Story Catalyst
Is how you do anything really how you do everything? The message from the text of a former player is clear: this is NOT what we do. It’s 9pm on a random Thursday night in April and I receive a video from one of our former players who happened to be in the gym working out. The video scans our locker room showing various items laying on the floor - a cardinal sin in our program. The video was followed with a series of messages:
The message came from one of our “guys” - a ten year member of our program, who worked his way to the top, who earned his influence and impact with the way he showed up every day, who made one of the biggest shots in the history of our school, and … is a state champion. The coolest part: he’s been out of high school for three years and he still cares. Our locker room is a sacred space - he knows this. Not only for the experience and relationships forged inside those four walls, but for what the room itself represents. He knows that room was given to him by the guys before him. It’s not something he, or anyone on the current team, earned. The guys that came before him played and carried themselves in such a way that someone wanted to donate money to build the locker room for them. They’re reaping the rewards for work they didn’t do. That calls for gratitude … for being thankful. And, how do you show you’re thankful for something? That’s right - you take care of it. You handle things like a prized possession you own, not a cheap commodity you rent. You pick up trash, whether it’s yours or not. You keep your area clean out of respect for your teammates and the guys that came before you. A simple, yet profound, observation is the connection between the attention to details on the court and the attention to details in the locker room. Sloppy locker rooms almost always translate to sloppy focus and play on the court. Our ‘guy’ knows this well. He believes it fully. So much so, that he wants those coming after him to gain the same appreciation. The correlation between details and results occurs so often, coincidence can be ruled out. A more appropriate question would be - is anything a detail? Insight Trifecta Below are three questions that dive deeper into the topic at hand. My responses are included. I hope they will generate some thought and prompt you to take the time to explore your responses to each as well.
I will add, from a conceptual framework, focusing on details and seeing the big picture are both critical. They must be merged rather than approached individually. The best I’ve been around have made a focus on details an integral part of the big picture … and the big picture a daily touch point.
Do the best you can in the moment. When you can do better … do that.
An investment in the details, and their connection to the big picture, is viewed by people as an investment in them. Without them a leader is viewed as incapable of helping them reach their goals. Question to Carry A final question for you to consider over the next week: How does my attention to detail shape both what my team focuses on and what they might be overlooking? Detailed people tend to be detailed. Lazy people tend to be lazy. I wouldn’t say it’s a guarantee, but it’s not far from it. What we do matters - even the things that we don’t think do. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  The YoYo LifeThe season is off to a great start. We’ve competed at a high level in every one of our games so far. The guys really seem to be getting it. They’re sharing the ball, executing the game plan, and defending on every possession. It’s such a fun group to coach.
Two days later … We’re awful. We have no idea what truly competing even looks like, let alone possess the ability to actually do it. Just about every guy on the team is indifferent, terrible at basketball, or both. We have no passion for anything. The season can’t get over quick enough. OK, I think we can all agree that we spend the majority of our time somewhere in between. However, for most of us, our perspective, attitude, and emotions fluctuate so much it’s really hard to maintain a consistently accurate view point. We’re distracted by any number of things, few of which we can do anything about. More often than not, life resembles a reasonably calm sea with a few waves from time to time. Some are bigger than others and sometimes we have a bunch of them in a row. The waves are unavoidable, but the vessel and the way we navigate is a clear choice. Unfortunately, we typically fail to realize the choice before us or operate with the intentionality to allow our choices to steady our boat. We’re left with simply dealing with them instead. Such is the YoYo Life. Why Should We Care? An anchor would be helpful. Anchors serve to hold a boat’s location, to prevent it from drifting. We need to minimize our drifting. That’s what happens to us as leaders, isn’t it - we drift? From year to year, month to month, day to day … heck, hour to hour; we drift. What we establish with good intentions as the priority at the start of the project on Monday is all but forgotten by the time we wade through all the bureaucracy and personal challenges and get to Friday. We don’t mean for it to happen - we don’t want to drift. It’s more a matter of us not knowing how to recognize that we’re doing it or how to stop it when we do. By the time we know we need to drop the anchor we’re so far from where we want to be that it’s too late. Of course, the next question we have to answer is: what is our anchor? REAL TALK - Action Steps The good news is we have no shortage of options for potential anchors and the world has all but exhausted all of them at this point. Some, of course, are better than others. A lot of the anchors will keep you from drifting in shallow water, but if you’re going to be venturing into the depths of leadership you’re going to need a stronger anchor than most. Here are a few of the most common anchors I’ve noticed people choose to drop:
A solid foundation is what we are all looking for - to lead and live. Who or what is that for you? We all need an anchor. Some are far stronger than others.. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  The Race to SaturdayMy alarm pulls me from my slumber. I jump out of bed, eager to see what the week holds. Mondays offer opportunities. I look forward to the unknowns of the week ahead. Uncomfortable, yet exciting, with something to discover. I know I’m going to struggle and stretch myself. Those first few years of teaching are as exciting as they are scary.
My alarm drags me from my temporary coma. I slink out of bed, creeping into another week. Mondays are the beginning of the end. All I see is the monotonous repetition of the daily grind - same day, different week. I’m trapped in a recurring cycle of senseless routines that add value to no one. The next few years of teaching are merely a race to the weekend. My alarm jolts me from my sleep. I spring out of bed, ready to attack the week ahead. Mondays are another day to make a difference. Each of those precious days holds its own opportunity to serve and impact the people around me. I’m present and intentional, giving and grateful. The rest of my years teaching, and doing anything else I choose, are simply a platform for me to live out my purpose. It’s a ministry, not a job. What a work-life cycle! Grateful to not be counted among the lucky few who get stuck in that dreadful middle stage. Why Should We Care? How many people do you know who spend the week working their job so they can do what really matters to them on the weekends? They repeatedly sacrifice the one hundred-twenty weekly hours for the measly forty-eight the weekend offers. Living forty percent of life doesn’t sound like that great of a proposition to me. Too many miss out on the meaning and direction an overriding purpose can provide. Most of us begin exploring our purpose out of desperation, when we realize everything we’ve done and accomplished is basically useless. In this moment we realize we know everything about life except how to live it. Make no mistake, it is a strong purpose that offers us full access to those one hundred-twenty weekday hours. Without it we remain prisoners to the weekend. With too small or vague of a purpose we end up being driven by someone else’s mission. We need nothing more than something to bring life together and provide focus for our daily actions. Our purpose is a matter of the soul, not the mind, and a confused soul offers no guidance. When everything goes sideways only what’s in the soul will count. When the monotony and trivial headaches of worklife surface, the soul is the only thing that can find meaningful purpose on a daily basis. REAL TALK - Action Steps All days are meant to be lived. All jobs are meant to matter. All roles are meant to impact. With the right purpose we can maximize all aspects of our life, every day. Here are a few questions to consider in identifying just the right purpose:
Weekends are great. But, when we’re living in line with our purpose, so are weekdays. All offer the same opportunity when viewed through the proper lens. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  When Your What's Your WhyTen years into my coaching career was the first time it even crossed my mind.
The room is about three-fourths full. Most have notebooks open on the table in front of them. A few stand, leaning against the wall ready to make a quick escape if the message isn’t worth hearing. At the front of the room, I sit at a small desk taking one final look at my notes. I brush off some natural nerves that anyone speaking in front of their peers experiences and stand as the MC approaches the microphone to introduce me. He begins with my career record followed by a few accolades. No one in the room cares. But, for whatever the reason, the introduction registers with me. It generates a simple, but profound question that I continue to wrestle with from time to time, even now: Is that really who I am - a series of numbers and meaningless awards? If I were to be honest at the time, the answer was definitely yes. My identity was absolutely tied to my coaching performance. Unfortunately, the introduction suited me perfectly. My ‘what’ was clearly my ‘why’. Why Should We Care? I realize now that I’m not the only one that has suffered from this skewed perspective. Almost everyone experiences it and virtually every leader must choose to intentionally fight it. When we are dedicated to our craft we often never even consider the hours we put into it. For most, it’s not even work … it’s who we are (ope!). Of course, sometimes the dedication itself becomes our identity. Our purpose may be nothing more than being viewed as a hard worker. All high performing people value achievement. As the leader, production is naturally important. The extent to which we prioritize the results provides a clear window as to the location of our ‘why’. It’s often easy for a performance-driven leader to become enamored with the label of leader. When we are living in-line with our why, what we are doing almost becomes irrelevant. At our best, our why can be applied to all aspects of our lives. The ‘how’ becomes the differentiating factor. The process and experiences are elevated. The results and outcomes are surrendered, yet often surpass even our own expectations. Unfortunately, when we aren’t living in-line with our why, what we are doing becomes irrelevant also. We may be well-known (for a while) or achieve great things (to soon be forgotten), but the resulting emptiness we are destined to feel will lead to questions we desperately wish we would’ve answered years earlier. When your ‘what’ is your ‘why’, you are a far cry from the success you are looking for. REAL TALK - Action Steps This isn’t a box to check and move on. Being sure your ‘what’ is not your ‘why’ requires a high level of self-awareness and intentionality. Not to mention continuous work. Here are few thoughts on consistently re-evaluating your intent:
When your ‘what’ is your ‘why’ your impact is compromised, but more importantly so is your self-worth. You are more than what you do as long as you choose to make it so. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  Displaced FocusThirty minutes before the opening tip is a stressful time. The questions abound:
Are we ready? Are we focused? Do we know the scouting report? Do we have our bodies in the best possible shape? Will we make enough shots? Will we play good enough defense? Will we do our jobs? Will we compete with energy? Will we help each other be our best? In a way, they help me. I know they’re coming and I know what I want the answer to be. I do my best to proactively answer these questions through practice before every game. They keep showing up, but they serve to sharpen the sword. That’s not the case with the other set of questions that used to run through my mind: What will others think of me if I lose? What does the team not performing well say about me as a coach? Do I really even know what I’m doing? Did I get our guys ready for what they’re going to do? Am I really even making a difference or could anyone do what I’m doing? These questions limited me. They shackled me with fear because, at the time, I never knew the answer. They kept showing up and I kept coming up short of my potential because I was indecisive, tentative, and fearful. Perspective finally saved me when I realized the difference in the two sets of questions. The first set centers on others and points to “we”. The second set centers on self and points to “me”. The focus was determining my emotion. When it was about others, opportunity and hope prevailed. When it was about me, fear of the potential failure dominated my mind. Why Should We Care? There’s a saying in coaching that what gets measured gets done. Of course, there has to be communication of an expectation and accountability to a standard, but neither of those matter if we’re not measuring it. By measuring whatever ‘it’ is, we’re really just declaring ‘it’ a priority. In leadership, it’s our priorities that get done. There are a lot of important things on every leader's plate. Elite leaders prioritize the right ones. Poor leaders are distracted and choose to focus on the wrong things or dilute their focus so much that nothing is a priority. The art is in choosing the right ones. While the checklist and getting things done is important, it pales in comparison to the real intent of a leader. Here the concept is the same, but the stakes are considerably higher. Displaced focus in our intent may not always compromise the immediate mission, but it will undoubtedly compromise the long term vision and our eventual impact. Leadership is always about others. Always. We step in front to take the criticism and fall behind to disperse the praise. Of course, the human desire is to flip those two. It’s a want we must intentionally fight daily. Our focus impacts more than just us. REAL TALK - Action Steps Consistently combating the tendency to make leadership about yourself is an ongoing fight for every leader - CEO, teacher, coach, manager, preacher, mother, father … it doesn’t matter. If you lead, you’re at risk for displacing your focus. Here are a few questions to prompt a recalibration:
With a focus on ourselves we become guarded and protected, in fear of what others might think or say or do. With a focus on others we are drawn to opportunity and hope. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  At Your BestThe music is blaring. Anticipation fills the air. The excitement is palbable. Friday night locker rooms are a special place. Relationships are forged for lifetimes while dreams are sometimes realized, other times crushed. Oddly enough, the repugnant smell draws you in.
Forty minutes before tip-off I make a pass through - in part to make sure our pre-game notes are on the board, but more importantly to check-in on the guys. I find them all in significantly different stages of preparation: some still in their sweatpants, some in just their game shorts, and some fully dressed with shoes laced and uniform on. I’ve noticed this discrepancy with other teams in the past, but it's still interesting nonetheless. While the variance of physical attire is of little concern, each player’s mental preparation is always vitally important. Even in team sports each individual player’s job before a game is to get themselves into the mindset that will allow them to be at their best when game time arrives. This requires a heightened level of awareness and discipline that young players sometimes struggle with and older players sometimes dismiss. Honestly, it’s reserved for the elite competitors at every level, in every arena. It seems the locker room has just the right imbalance. A few players are in the back gym with headphones on shooting, a few others are off to themselves stretching with no music playing, and a few more are singing and dancing in the locker room to the undistinguishable mumblings blasting from the speaker. We’re all over the board, which is exactly where most teams should be. Why Should We Care? Similar to the preparation for a game, our best varies significantly from person to person. However, there are some common areas of focus depending on the season of life you are in. Each new phase offers drastically varying perspectives on being at your best, at least from my observations. Yours may differ, but I think with some reflection you will come to similar conclusions.
REAL TALK - Action Steps Not surprisingly, we would all be at our best if we had the awareness to join the fifty and older crowds much earlier in life. Surrendering and giving hold far more power than we’re capable of realizing in our twenties. Here are a few benefits that I hope will speed your progression:
Being at your best is the pursuit in life. The sooner we understand what that looks like for ourselves, the longer we can live at our best. And, it’s only at our best that we can help others be their best. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  What Others WantThe buttery smell of popcorn draws you in; but the squeaking shoes, shrill call of a whistle, and dull thud of a bouncing ball keeps you there. Friday nights are for high school sports and this chilly December night is no different. It’s early in the season and you’re just hoping to get a look at the local team’s squad for the first time.
The pep band sets off the twenty minute clock as both teams circle the court and report to their end for pre-game warm-ups. You scan both ends, gauging the observable difference in size and athleticism while unknowingly forming your own prediction for how the game will play out. Forming an opinion on such a small sample is dangerous, but fairly accurate in most circumstances. At this point, the opposing team looks bigger and more athletic than your team. That doesn’t concern you though, your team doesn’t typically pass the ‘eye test’. You do have grounds for concern though: the warm-up routine at both ends looks ‘cool’. Smooth, fancy passes followed by missed layups and off-balance jump shots are the norm. You’ve watched your team enough to know that’s now how they traditionally warm-up. Your coach notices it too. Within five minutes of coming onto the court, the team is sent back to the locker room - not their customary routine. The opposing end continues preparation with their half speed, two line layups. Before you know it, your team returns to the floor. This time they look different though. There’s an obvious bounce in their step that was lacking before. The passes are on target and popping in and out of players’ hands. There is an urgency and purpose to your team’s warm-up now. They seem to have left the ‘cool’ in the locker room this time. Why Should We Care? Far too often, success becomes nothing more than presenting a life we think others want. Much like the warm-ups described above, what we think others want rarely leads to true success. Basketball players think what others want is for their performance to appear easy, effortless. That’s ‘cool’ - difficult shots with minimal efforts. Just like ‘cool’ cripples a basketball team, defining success by what others want does the same thing for your pursuit of excellence. In our pursuit to appease the masses we turn our back on ourselves. We exchange our own potential for a round of applause, our excellence for a few likes. It never feels as good as we thought it would. The gap resides in what we perceive as the source of fulfillment. Approval is usually our first guess. Why shouldn’t it be? That’s what we’ve been conditioned to value our whole life. Plus, that external praise always seems to deliver that little jolt of warm comfort that makes us feel good, at least for a moment. It never lasts. We need another hit the next moment. The good news? Eventually, we all - yes, all - realize the futility of this pursuit and are forced (or choose) to adjust. Eventually what others want becomes secondary to our priorities. At some point, we begin pursuing who we were created to be instead of who others want us to be. REAL TALK - Action Steps The real question is: when is that time for you? Have you already made the change? If not, then when? Now is as good of a time as any! Here are a few ideas to help you go for it:
Nobody on the road to excellence cares about ‘cool’. Majority opinion does not equate to fulfillment. For the best, what others want is of virtually no concern. What they need, maybe. What they want, not so much. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here! |
About bcI'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms. Archives
May 2025
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