Blog Archives

BCG Blog

2/25/2021

Confidence In What?

I recently had a conversation with my son about confidence. Our discussion was centered on basketball, but certainly translates to other aspects of life.

I commented on the lack of confidence he seemed to be shooting the ball with. I believe my phrase was that he was shooting to not miss instead of shooting to make it. The pursuit of not failing is a sure way to fail. The courage to go for it (see last week’s blog) is the only way to reach our potential.

While my point may have been accurate, it provided no feedback or guidance. He understood what I was saying but I did nothing to help him move through it. He flippantly asked why he would have confidence when he hadn’t shot the ball well all week?

Initially I thought - what do you mean you shot bad for a week? He’s been a great shooter since he was 10 years old. How could one week of poor shooting trump 6 years of demonstrating a high level of performance of the skill? It made no sense.

Then, it hit me.

Why Should We Care?
Confidence, or lack of, is the catalyst in our actions. It has a significant influence on how we think, what we say, and the way in which we act. Everyone has varying degrees of confidence in different situations.

Our experience in the field, time spent working on a skill, and passion for the subject matter all play into our confidence. But, none of them are the anchor for our confidence.

Coach Z, my high school basketball coach, used to say “confidence comes from demonstrated ability - I can’t give it to you or take it from you.” It wasn’t until recently that I realized the ‘demonstrated ability’ Coach was referencing wasn’t the ability to make a jump shot, dribble through a trap, or thread the needle on a bounce pass.

The anchor of our confidence isn’t based in WHAT we do. When we depend on desired results to determine our level of confidence, consistency is fleeting - and true progress is a wish.

Basing our confidence in HOW and WHY provides a firm foundation for it to flourish. The ‘demonstrate ability’ Coach Z referenced wasn’t about making shots. It was about the confidence of knowing you can figure it out - that you’re going to put in the work to improve and continue getting better.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
So, how do we base our confidence on our process and purpose rather than the outcome? I don’t want to make the case that it's easy. If it were, then far more people would operate from a place of confidence rather than fear. However, it is simple.

Identify Your Purpose
- It’s pretty tough to anchor your confidence to something you don’t know. The ability to clearly state your purpose is empowering. Do the work to reflect, assess, and identify what it is you want to do and how you want that action to impact those around you. I should also note, you have one purpose - not a purpose at home, a purpose at work, and purpose with friends. The goal is to be able to articulate your purpose in a way that applies to all aspects of your life.

Pick Your Core Values
- Your purpose is your why. Your core values are your how. These values are the way you live out your purpose. Again, if you don’t know them and truly believe in them then there is no chance they can be an anchor of confidence for you. More deep work, but well worth it. Identical to your purpose, these values should apply to all areas of your life.

Define Success
- Get over how society sees success - money, fame, status, likes, retweets. All it does is lead to comparison that typically compromises our confidence. Living your purpose and core values should be at the center of your definition of success … if not, are they really your purpose and core values?

The discussion with my son should’ve circled back to his core values (Devoted, Selfless, Joy, Creative) and his purpose (to inspire people to apply their God-given gifts), which is where his confidence should be rooted. He can maintain confidence when shots aren’t going in because he knows he’s devoted, so he’s going to figure it out. He’s going to get better. That’s what devoted people do. And, by staying focused on his purpose it’s not about making or missing shots anyway. His ability to inspire others is based far more on his response to the adversity than it is to the initial result.

Focused on his values and purpose, his confidence can be the stable anchor he needs to go for it!

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

BCG Blog

2/18/2021

0 Comments

Going For It

Have you ever watched America’s Got Talent, or any of those audition type shows, and a performer comes on that seems somewhat shy or bashful, then puts on an amazing performance? One that you can’t stop watching and gives you chills?

You know what that is?

It’s your conscience telling you to go for it!

Maybe it’s not singing or playing the piano or doing a magic trick, but it’s something. There’s some area of your life that you know you aren’t taking the risks you need to take in order to reach the level you aspire to reach.

The question is, why not?

Why Should We Care?
Does it really matter what you want to do in life if you never go for it?

Does it really matter what you believe if you never act on it?

Courage is the separator. It’s not knowledge or talent that sets people apart. It’s their willingness to go for it when success isn’t imminent. Courage is the willingness to choose failure because the courageous know failure is on the path to excellence.

But, this isn’t how society tells us to operate - another reason we find it appealing … because it’s different. No, society says be perfect. Post the perfect picture of the perfect meal, record the perfect dance in the perfect outfit. It’s all so fake … and untrue. These norms push people away from daring and into a cautious mindset centered on what others think. Which is the key roadblock to the courage it takes to go for it.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
What does going for it really entail? Well, there is far more than this to it, but here are a few ideas to get you started down that road of helping those you lead cut loose.

Encourage Dreams
- I had a parent tell me at basketball camp one year that his son told him he wanted to play in the NBA. I told him that was awesome. The dad laughed and said don’t worry, we told him to pick a more realistic dream. What?! Stop telling those you lead, or parent, they can’t be or do whatever they aspire to. That’s not your decision. It’s there’s and they’ll pick it with their actions over the next several years of their life. Help them understand what the dream will take, but never even hint that their dream is too big.
Choose the Process
- Dreams don’t just happen. They’re the result of intentional, focused effort towards a specific means. When you think you’re committing to a dream, you’re really committing to the process necessary to make that dream a reality. You can’t have one without the other.
Choose the Sacrifice
- What are you willing to suffer for is the real question. It doesn’t matter what you want. The only thing that matters is what you are willing to suffer for. When you decide to go for it, the suffering becomes an accepted casualty of that decision. One you no longer even measure. It just is what it is - part of the process.

Truly all in is such a cool thing to watch. Every ounce of focus and effort committed to one single act in the hopes, not facts, that it will be enough. It’s a scenario I get to see played out often as a coach. How lucky am I?!

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.

We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

BCG BLog

2/11/2021

0 Comments

Prune or Punish

There is only one meaningful purpose for imposing discipline on someone else: to change future behavior. That’s it. There is no other rational that suffices logic. Yet, we see it, and do it, all the time.

If our goal with discipline is not to change future actions, then what is it? To show who is in charge? To make a point? To put someone in their place? I wish I could say I’ve never stooped to such low levels of leadership, but it wouldn’t be true.

At the moment, of course, I always thought I was just leading. In retrospect, I can see how ignorant and damaging those actions were to our team and to my impact as a leader.

Why Should We Care?
This is an important topic, because from the outside pruning and punishing often look identical. I mean, discipline is discipline. Even when we choose it for ourselves it’s not exactly fun or overly enjoyable. When it’s imposed on us by others, our first reaction is to immediately see it as punishment.

But, that’s not always the case. The difference is always in the purpose.

The purpose behind punishment is easy - to make you suffer. Financially, emotionally, or physically but suffering is the primary objective. There is little, to no, long term benefit that we are aware of at the time.

For pruning my initial image is always Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid. He prunes his bonsai trees with almost as much care as he prunes Danielson. The care and love doesn’t change the expectations. It doesn’t make painting the fence or waxing the car any less of a duty of suffering.

It’s the relationship and understanding of the purpose behind the suffering that makes both of the examples above pruning rather than punishing.

Too often as leaders, or parents, deal out discipline without sharing the love and purpose behind it. This type of discipline is typically viewed simply as punishment.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Pruning instead of punishing is hard. It takes more time, has more risks, and involves more emotions. It requires follow-ups, messy conversations, and patience. Nonetheless, it’s at the heart of what leadership is all about. Here are a few ideas to prune rather than punish.

Make the Choice
- It’s really just a choice of being transactional or transformational in your role as a leader. Transactional leaders can be very successful, punishment works to achieve results - especially short term. Transformation leaders achieve results too, sometimes a little slower, but are always more impactful long term.

Build a Relationship
- There is no pruning without a relationship first. Pruning is an expression of the love and care you have for that relationship. Your investment of time and effort expresses this love. Punishment tears at the foundation of the relationship, oftentimes saying not so gently, “If you perform at this level, we’re friends .. if you don’t, I don’t know you.”

Invest the Time
- Pruning takes much more time and effort than punishment. When we punish others we usually dismiss it quickly as ‘what they deserved’. If we’re pruning, we must spend time helping the person understand why they are short of the standard and help them find ways to raise their performance to meet that standard. It’s not easy … or quick.

What do you want your impact to be? As a leader, you will leave an impact. Recognizing the opportunity to choose what it will be can be transformational to both the leader and the team.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

BCG Blog

2/4/2021

0 Comments

The Smile

There’s a lot of things about this whole pandemic that I dislike. Of course, the quarantines and isolations, the closing of restaurants and the shortage of toilet paper, the masks and the 6’ distancing rules are all frustrating and feel like science-fiction at times.

From a leadership standpoint, there are few things worse than losing the smile.

We no longer see those smiles that brighten our days, encourage us to move forward, and provide acceptance in times of uncertainty. The masks have covered more than our face. Now, our emotions are often hidden as well. Making what was once a warm, comforting interaction cold and rigid.

Why Should We Care?
Feedback as a leader is critical. And, the sooner we can receive it the quicker we can modify our words and actions. The lack of facial expressions make that much more difficult.

As a classroom teacher and coach, I am constantly reading body language and facial expression as a means for checking understanding, engagement, and commitment. The smile is a major tool that has been stolen from our toolbox.

Sure people can nod their head, give you a thumbs up, or any host of other forms of acknowledgement. They do the job, but they’re not the same. Actually, not even close!

We know smiling reduces stress, helps heart health, lowers blood pressure, and boosts our immune system. We also know, just less scientifically, that we’re better leaders, followers, and people when we smile.

Our smile is our magnet.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
So, what do we do? It doesn’t seem like the masks are going away anytime soon, but not smiling seeing smiles can’t be the option. Here are a few ideas for you to consider.

Be Intentional with Your Body Language
- In the absence of your facial expressions, the rest of your body language becomes even more important. Be intentional with how you enter a room so you can express energy and excitement. If you leave your body language to chance, you leave your message and your impact to chance.

Be intentional with What You Say
- Of course your words matter. What you say becomes even more important when a smile or smirk can’t imply a different meaning. Choose your words in a way that your message can not be misunderstood - not in a way that you hope it can be understood.

Be Intentional with How You Say It
- The context of your message is important, but so is how it is being said. The pace, volume, tone of your message is critical in conveying your message effectively. A mask makes this more difficult, but not impossible. We just have to be more aware of it.

So, smile! Stand six feet away, pull down your mask for three seconds, hold your breath if you need to … but smile. You need it and the people you’re smiling at need it too!

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

BCG Blog

Confidence In What?

BCG Blog

Going For It

BCG BLog

Prune or Punish

BCG Blog

The Smile

About bc

Archives

Categories

BCG Blog

Confidence In What?

BCG Blog

Going For It

BCG BLog

Prune or Punish

BCG Blog

The Smile

Subscribe

About bc

Archives

Categories