Blog Archives

bcg blog

10/29/2020

Arrogant or Confident?

An exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities - that’s the definition of arrogance. Not how I would want anyone to describe me, which I’m sure is the case for most leaders.

So, why is it so common? What makes us arrogant, or better yet, why do we choose to be arrogant? Because, it is a choice isn’t it? No one is ‘making us’ think or believe that we are more important than we are or more talented than our abilities reveal.

Arrogance is off-putting at best, and disgusting at its worst. No one wants to be around arrogant friends, colleagues, or family members. Most people avoid them while the rest usually endure them.

Here’s the biggest problem with arrogant people though - they don’t know they’re arrogant.
You know what they call it? Confidence.

Well, there is a big difference between the two.

Why Should We Care?
Arrogance is typically rooted in what someone does. For some it could be a position they’ve attained - CEO, President, Head Coach, Professional. After all, being the CEO makes one more important and more talented than the VP doesn’t it?

For others arrogance is tied to accomplishments they have conquered - the highest salary, famous clients, winning championships. If I beat / make more money / know bigger named people than you, I’m better, right?

Finally you have the group of people that link their arrogance to who they are - family name, the job title, or the name of the company. The Smith’s that donate thousands of dollars to the school each year are clearly more important than the Smith’s that use the donation to cover their children’s weekly meal charge, aren’t they?

It’s interesting to note here that the hierarchy in every walk of life provides footholds for arrogance to climb on. It is the comparison that creates arrogance. Zen Shin said, “A flower doesn’t think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.” No ranking. No righteousness. No arrogance.

Just bloom.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
As you look at the arrogance around you more and more, you begin to realize that most of the people with this heightened sense of self-worth likely didn’t have it when they were making their way to their position of power, accomplishing their lofty goals, or identifying with their title. Or, they must’ve at least taken a break from it.

Arrogance does not coexist well with the process necessary to achieve greatly.
Confidence, however, does.

Arrogance is focused on who you are or what you have.
Confidence is centered on what you do. Confident people are sure because they’re the CEO, they’re confident in their ability to do the work of the CEO. That’s a significant difference.

Identify Your Flywheel
- What process do you go through to improve, to grow? How do you get things done in your position? How is each simple action connected to the next one? And, most importantly, what is the foundational action that drives all the others?

Gratitude Journal
- Write daily about what you are thankful for. It’s impossible to be genuinely grateful while overvaluing one’s self. Focus on others during this time. What have they done to help you? What opportunities to serve others have come along this week?

Confidence Journal
- Here are some good prompts: confidence means to me ... confidence smells, looks, tastes, feels like ... the 3 most confident acts I’ve seen are ... if I was more confident I would ... (blank) is holding me back from being my most confident self ... if confidence was a superhero or animal it would be ... a song that instantly makes me feel confident is ... if I could shout out one thing and the whole world could hear me it would be ...

Confidence differentiates itself from arrogance by not concerning itself with the result. The symbolic pursuit of a destination is arrogant in its attempt to justify claims.

While arrogance is the exaggerated sense of one’s own importance and abilities, confidence is an accurate sense of one’s own importance and abilities. This is a sweat spot we need to hit.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

BCG Blog

10/22/2020

0 Comments

Giving Consent

Following a game last year, the opposing coach refused to shake my hand. I’m not sure if he felt slighted by something our team did or was upset about something I might have done before or during the game, but, for whatever reason, he refused to shake my hand. Following the game our coaches talked about it and tried to understand why he was so upset, but never really reached any sensible conclusion.

I had completely forgotten about the situation until a friend brought up the notion of disrespect as it pertains to shaking, or not shaking hands. Of course, he jokingly referenced the situation following our game as his cornerstone example.

But disrespect wasn’t really something I felt. Anger maybe, but not sure why. Confusion, definitely. But not disrespect.

Then I wondered why.

Why Should We Care?
I believe very strongly in whatever the opposite of a victim mindset is. We are not at the mercy of everyone else’s mood or emotion. We are in charge of our lives and our greatest strength is always the ability to choose how we want to view a situation. We are not victims - unless we agree to be. Unless we give consent.

The disrespect question didn’t register because I didn’t consent to it. Why would I? I didn’t know that coach personally. Why would I willingly choose to give him the power to make me feel disrespected?

How often do we do it though?
The co-worker’s comment that you play over and over in your head is you giving consent.
The friend that ignores your text message and ruins the rest of your day is you giving consent.
The stranger that throws trash on the ground, setting you off about everything wrong with the world is you giving consent.

Here’s the short of it:
If you’re feeling offended, you’re consenting to that feeling pushed on you by someone else.
If you’re feeling betrayed, you’re consenting to that feeling pushed on you by someone else.
If you’re feeling inferior, you’re consenting to that feeling pushed on you by someone else.
That's not to say the feelings are never justified or warranted. The important thing to realize is that the choice is yours - not theirs.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
The concept of giving consent really connects back to our mindset and perspective on life. People with a positive, proactive mindset are much less likely to view themselves as victims. Though it happens to all of us at times, here are a few ideas to make sure you aren’t consenting to things you don’t want to.

Go Green
- Green means GO! A green light mentality is positive, confident, and hopeful. It views challenges as opportunities, appreciating the resistance necessary for true growth, and focused on growth first. Green light mentality is encouraging.

Control the R-Factor
- From Focus 3’s E + R = O formula, Event + Response = Outcome, the R-Factor is your commitment to control the one thing you can control, your Response. We don’t give consent when we aren’t thinking about things outside our control. By focusing on our R-Factor, we zero in on controllables and zoom out on being a victim.

Know Your Square Squad
- Consent given to people outside your square squad, those closest to you that truly care about you as a person, is a waste of your time. Whether it is positive or negative, is irrelevant too. They don’t know you. Why would you give them any power over you?

Social media is a major source of these feelings of inferiority I see kids dealing with all the time in school. They look, they compare, and they give the comments of strangers the power to make them feel less than they are. It's sad, but it's the norm - not only in high schools, but in society.

How about you? What, or who, are giving consent to?

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

bcg blog

10/15/2020

0 Comments

Firmness of Purpose

Every day in leadership class we have a word and quote of the day. The student shares their word, the definition of it and how it applies to leadership. We’ve had hundreds of words over the last few years, but last week a student selected “Determination” as her word and shared the first definition that pops up on Google: “firmness of purpose.” And, for some reason, that’s been stuck in my mind ever since.

What a great way to define determination, grit, and perseverance.
I do have questions though. Where does firmness of purpose come from? Why do we have it, or not have it? How do we improve our firmness of purpose?

Why Should We Care?
Our purpose drives everything we do. Our purpose for going to school determines if we take notes in class, ask the teacher questions when we don’t understand, skip class, or sleep during a lecture. Our actions at work are dictated by our purpose. Want to move up the proverbial corporate ladder? Want to provide a comfortable life for your family? Want to make more money than everyone at the firm? All require a different approach to your job. Your purpose for working colors your actions.

The catch? True firmness in purpose only catches fire when your purpose aligns with your values.

There’s an old parable, The Three Stonecutters, that begins with a young boy walking down a dirt road where he comes across three old men cutting stones. The boy stops at the first stonecutter and notices his tools rusted and strewn all over the ground and the man sitting slouched down lazily chipping away at the block in front of him. The boy asks the man what he’s doing and the man begrudgingly replies, “Just working, trying to survive. At least it’s a job, I guess.”

The boy shrugs him off and continues on to the next stonecutter a few miles down the road. The boy immediately noticed the man’s tools. They weren’t on the ground like the last stonecutter’s, but they were old and worn. Clearly they had been used for many years. When asked what he was doing, the second stonecutter replied, “What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m cutting stones to build this wall. Not a great job, but it pays the bills and gets me to the weekend.” This time the boy nodded his head, acknowledging the man’s additional commitment to his job, although slight.

The 3rd stonecutter was different from the others and the boy noticed it immediately. His tools were clean and organized. Though older, they were as sharp as brand new ones. As the boy approached, he was greeted with a confident, yet welcoming “Hello! How are you on this beautiful day?!” The boy smiled. Though the task appeared the same as the previous two, the boy asked the same question he had with the others, “What are you doing?” The man’s eyes immediately brightened and a smile stretched across his face. “I’m so glad you asked,” he replied. “I’m building a cathedral. A gorgeous place for my kids, and my grandkids to enjoy and worship. It’s going to be amazing.” The boy smiled as he continued on, fascinated by the difference in a seemingly identical task.

Think about this, who do you want to build your house?
It’s the firmness of purpose of the 3rd stonecutter that makes all the difference.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Here are some thoughts on gaining, or growing in, your firmness of purpose.

Where does firmness of purpose come from?

Those with the most resolve, persistence, and determination are those that best know themselves. They’ve taken the time to reflect, and confront, the brutal truth about who they are and accept both the good and bad of that discovery. Not a passive acceptance, but one of honest reflection coupled with a faith that improvement is just a matter of work and time. A consistent belief in one’s purpose is always preceded by serious self-reflection.

Why do we have firmness of purpose, or not have it?

People living with purpose is fairly common. What that purpose is, however, will determine exactly how committed to it we are to it. A purpose centered on personal goals that only benefit us as individuals are appealing from the outside. To make money, to retire by age 45, to become CEO of my company ... all purposes revolving around you. We have firmness of purpose when we pursue a mission that serves the greater good, that makes the world a better place. A purpose, without a service mentality, is nothing more than a goal.

How do we improve our firmness of purpose?

Our firmness of purpose will be the strongest when our purpose is aligned with our values. Going a step further, when it is aligned with our habits. If our daily actions match our values and by living our values we are fulfilling our purpose, we become unshakable in our purpose. These are the people that attack opportunities, rally in adversity, and seem to always be moving forward. Alignment allows for intentional living, and intentional living paves the path for a firmness of purpose.

If you would like to become more firm in your purpose, begin with truly understanding yourself, focus on what you can do to serve others, and align your purpose, values, and actions.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

bcg blog

10/8/2020

0 Comments

There Is Always Noise

Noise is defined as a sound, especially one that is loud or unpleasant or that causes disturbance.

What we do, or don’t do, is irrelevant. What we achieve, or don’t achieve, is immaterial. Judgements, criticisms, and opinions will flow whether we welcome them or not. Likewise, praise, acclaim, and recognition will appear whether they are warranted or not.

Whether these vastly different responses are deserved or not isn’t the point of this piece. The point is to recognize that both are simply noise, and equally as dangerous if we choose to let them be anything but noise.

Why Should We Care?
Criticism is our best friend and our worst enemy. In many ways, it provides our best avenue for growth. Criticism opens our eyes to what we had previously failed to acknowledge, or at the least, delayed to change. It creates an immediate need for something different.

Criticism can also stunt growth. It can destroy confidence, impede our motivation, and send us spinning into a whirlwind of self-questioning and doubt.

But, the same can be said for the other end of the noise spectrum: praise.

Much like criticism, praise can be both our ally and our nemesis. It leads to growth through renewed, and reinforced, confidence. Praise makes us believe what we see in our head, and feel in our heart, is possible. We dream a little more when we are showered with praise.

Praise can slow our progress too. It can lead to complacency, or worse yet, comfort. We like praise so much, we often begin limiting our choices to those things that have the best chance of resulting in praise rather than taking the risks needed to reach our potential.

So, how do we block out the noise?

REAL TALK - Action Steps
First we have to embrace the fact there is always going to be noise. Our job is to first recognize it, then to manage it. As important as it is to identify the noise, it’s equally important to acknowledge the music. It’s the music that we want to turn the volume up on.

Know Your Square Squad
- Brene Brown shares an exercise in Dare to Lead where she has you draw a 1” x 1” square. Inside the square you write the names of the people closest to you that you trust unequivocally. Think of your inner circle, the people that care about you for who you are, not what you do. It’s probably more than 2 and less than 10. I sometimes refer to these people as my foxhole. They’re more than friends. I have a lot of friends, but I only have a few that are actually in my foxhole.

Listen to Your Square Squad
- This is where your music comes from. Your square squad will provide you with accurate, beneficial criticisms and justified, purposeful praise. Don’t question their intent, defend your actions, or dismiss their approval. If they are in your square squad, shut up and listen. They care about you, the person. They may hurt your feelings or pass over your emotions, but they want you to become the person you want to be. Listen.

Hear, Don’t Listen, To the Rest
- You can hear what is being said without giving merit to it. If you hear something you think might have substance, ask someone in your square squad. If they tell you it has merit, then you listen. If they tell you it doesn’t, then you completely ignore it moving forward. We give people outside our square squad way too much power over us. They ruin our days or weeks with a flippant critique of something they know little about. Or, we ride around on cloud nine as our standards crash to the ground because of fake praise poured on us from someone not in our foxhole. Stop it.

Turn up the music and turn off the noise. Both are present all the time. It’s our responsibility to distinguish between the two, then turn the right knobs. Your pursuit of excellence is dependent on it!

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.

We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

bcg blog

10/1/2020

0 Comments

It Should Be a Holiday

Holidays are an interesting phenomenon. They were once sacred days that the nation stopped to observe a great moment in the history of our nation, or our faith. Schools were out of session, business shut down, and everyone took the opportunity to stop and acknowledge the day.

Those times seem to be over. I mean, Thanksgiving almost seems like the prelude to Christmas thanks to the ever growing Black Friday push. And maybe some of these holidays should be examined for their true merit in today’s world. I’m not knowledgeable enough to debate that. I would, however, like to propose a holiday that would positively impact your world. It requires no days off work, no store discounts or sales, and has no unwritten dress code.

Thankful Thursday.

Why Should We Care?
We should care because we suck at saying thank you. Kids do. Adults do. Professionals do. We’re not good at it. And, us not being good at it helps others not be good at it. So, we end up in a world with less appreciation for the good things that are happening and more contempt for the bad things that are happening.

What if we just took a day to intentionally share our appreciation? What if we committed to be intentional about thanking our janitorial staff? Our bus drivers? The fast food workers handing us our food?

We’re all about how contagious COVID is right now. Do we not realize how contagious positive actions can also be? Every time we share our appreciation for someone or something, we are more likely to find someone or something else we are thankful for. But more importantly, we are encouraging those around us to continue on by letting them know their work is appreciated.

Saying thank you lifts people. It makes their, and your, life better.
All we have to do is say it.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Observing Thankful Thursday has become a highlight of my week. I always look forward to the 3 thank you cards I write on Thursday mornings. Occasionally it’s to someone that has helped me throughout the week, but more often than not I write to someone that may not realize I’m thankful for them - a former teacher, a friend I’ve thought about but haven’t talked to in awhile, a player ... You can’t go wrong.

Here are a few ways we observe Thankful Thursday with our team and in Leadership class.

Text / Snap 3 People
- This is my least favorite, but that’s because I’m old. It’s quick and easy, but still accomplishes the goal: share your gratitude for someone else. Be sure to explain why you are grateful for this person, it will have much more impact that way. If they are completely shocked by your text, you may want to do a better job of letting them know how important they are to you!

Say Thank You
- You can just never put a value on this. I notice people that do and don’t say thank you all the time. It’s like the old adage about how you treat the waiter at a restaurant. The same holds true for people that don’t say thank you. There’s something there, don’t ignore it. Whenever you have the opportunity, say thank you.

Write a Thank You card
- My favorite approach, by far. I know it’s not the norm now, but the investment of time and intimacy of your handwritten thoughts is still the most powerful form of communication. For me, this trumps even being told face to face because I can always go back and read a thank you card. Think about yourself, which would you prefer - a text or a handwritten card? Exactly.

Cold Calls
- In addition to sending a text or writing a thank you note, we also do a Cold Call on Thursdays in our Leadership class. One person volunteers to call someone on the phone, put them on speaker, and tell them why they are thankful for this person. The reaction by the person receiving the call is always happy to have taken the call. It’s been a great way to show just how much sharing our appreciation means to those we share it with.

Thank You Video
- This is another assignment for Leadership class, but it would be incredible in the corporate world or within your family. You write a thank you note to someone, 300 words is our guideline but a little over half a page is sufficient. Then, you record the recipient as you read the letter to them. Similar to the Cold Calls, this is such a great way to show how impactful your thank you is to others.

Having given it more thought, I would prefer Thankful Thursday to stay just how it is - reserved for those that see value in it and desire to lift those around them. I hope you’ll join me!

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

bcg blog

Arrogant or Confident?

BCG Blog

Giving Consent

bcg blog

Firmness of Purpose

bcg blog

There Is Always Noise

bcg blog

It Should Be a Holiday

About bc

Archives

Categories

bcg blog

Arrogant or Confident?

BCG Blog

Giving Consent

bcg blog

Firmness of Purpose

bcg blog

There Is Always Noise

bcg blog

It Should Be a Holiday

Subscribe

About bc

Archives

Categories