bcg blog

Sweatpants & Sermons

Several years ago we had a young player that was really struggling with performing under pressure. He was constantly comparing his stats to teammates and basing his evaluation of play on how many shots he made. Not only was his mood dependent on his performance, but his view of his worth to the team was as well. 

Despite numerous conversations regarding his value to the team beyond scoring, his perspective didn’t change. And, despite numerous reminders of his incredible work ethic, commitment to his teammates, and willingness to play both ends of the floor; his confidence continued to fluctuate with each make or miss. 

The emotional roller coaster came to a screeching halt when, following a tournament that he failed to uphold his side of the comparison, with his head in his hands and tears rolling down his face he simply said, “I just want to be able to wear sweatpants to church again.”

On the surface, that comment may not make sense so let me unpack it a little for you. 

“Wearing sweatpants to church” was his way of saying he wanted to be free from the shackles of attempting to please others. 

He felt like he was constantly being judged. And, he was, just not by the people he thought he was being judged by. In his mind he was letting other people down and not living up to the expectations they had for him. In reality, it was the judge within that he was failing.

He was caught in the comparison trap. 

Why Should We Care?
This player, twelve years old at the time, would go on to be the most decorated player in the history of our school. He would earn multiple Mr. Basketball awards, a scholarship to a tradition-rich college, and his high school’s only state championship. None of which were on his radar as a twelve year old. And, none would’ve been accomplished without embracing the need for mental, as well as physical growth.

He’s also my son. 
So, when he was sitting in our living room crying, the matter quickly became urgent. Not the matter of basketball, but the matter of comparison. It was far more about life than basketball at that point. We wanted to provide him with the tools to become a faithful, confident person. The basketball would take care of itself - or it wouldn’t, it didn’t really matter. 

The fight against comparison is a fight we must be aware of. We’re all facing it daily. If we don’t intentionally fight the current of society, we will be swept away by it. It pollutes every aspect of life and injects one of the most common challenges we face: clearly defining success. 

Afterall, defining success is what comparison distills to, isn’t it? 
When we are caught up in the comparison trap we see success as gaining favor from those we believe are judging us, by the standards we believe they are using. Success is approval for most.

When we escape the comparison trap we judge for ourselves, by the standards we believe in.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Every person you are leading is drawn to comparison. It must be intentionally confronted or it will be unintentionally accepted. Here are a few ideas to fight the current of society.

• Become Self-Aware
  
  • The most overlooked aspect of leadership is self-awareness. Leadership experts love to get to all the fancy aspects of leadership because self-awareness isn’t a sexy sell. There are no shortcuts that reveal it or gimmicks that expose it, but nothing can replace it either. Becoming self-aware requires intentional work that is quiet, personal, and surprisingly difficult. As simple as meditation, reflection, and journaling are; they're equally difficult to consistently do.
    

• Define Your Success 
  
  • All success is not created equal because it’s not all yours. The best kept secret in life is that you get to choose how you will define success. No one gets to make that decision for you. Most of us just never embrace intentionality enough to choose it for ourselves. It’s the most important decision of our lives and we don’t even realize it’s ours to make. Whether it’s the laws of God, your position at work, or your yearly income; the choice is yours. Some of those are inherently better than others, nonetheless you do get to pick your poison.
    

• Set Reminders
  
  • If you become self-aware and define success on your terms you will be headed in the right direction; but when the tidal waves of society come crashing in, the current will pull you off course. Without specific reminders set to re-establish your compass at least daily, you will have no chance of remaining intentional. Set reminders on your phone, put it on your mirror in the bathroom, write yourself reminders on post-it notes all over your house or office - do what you need to do to remain focused on what success is to you.
    

As Jon Gordan stated, “leadership is influence”. Mere recognition of this fact is not sufficient. We should actively be considering where that influence is coming from and in what direction it is influencing for both ourselves and those we lead. No decision is a decision.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!