 Discouragement ThresholdOur basset hound, Izzy, fell down a lot as a puppy. Not because something was wrong with her, but because her ears were so long that she would step on them, sending her into a sliding front flip. It wasn’t a big deal, after all she was already pretty close to the ground, but there was clearly no delay in her response to the fall. She would immediately resume her chase time after time, never discouraged.
I’m sure most reading this are familiar with the failures faced by Abraham Lincoln. He certainly had plenty of opportunities to be discouraged. Like after losing his job in 1832 or when he was defeated for the state legislature the same year. Like when his business venture failed in 1833 or when his significant other passed away in 1835. Like when he had a nervous breakdown in 1836 or when he lost his bid for Speaker of the House in 1838. Like when he lost the nomination for Congress in 1843 or when he lost the renomination for Congress in 1848. Like when he was rejected for land officer in 1849 or when he was defeated for the US Senate in 1854. Like when he lost the nomination for Vice President in 1856 or when he was defeated for the US Senate again in 1858. Of course, all that failure culminated in being elected to the presidency in 1860, going on to become one of the most influential leaders in American history. The discouragement never got the best of him. His persistence won out. Why Should We Care? Nothing predicts our future as well as our ability to handle discouragement. Those that are discouraged easily are going to have a rough go of it because the discouragement is coming. And, it keeps coming. As leaders, there are few things we can do for those we lead as impactful as helping them grow their discouragement threshold. The mentality gained from this mindset literally impacts all aspects of our lives. We begin to see options where we once only saw obstacles. We see what could be rather than what can’t be. A high enough threshold for discouragement can actually eliminate discouragement completely. As we become accustomed to facing it we begin to realize its only discouragement if we allow ourselves to label it as such. Or worse yet, we entrust our feelings of discouragement to the opinions of others. Of course, this high threshold isn’t easy to develop. It’s a myriad of core beliefs and actions that come together to create persistence that isn’t dependent on events or circumstances. It’s dependent on only the present, dismissing the past the moment it happens. After all, discouragement can only live in the past. REAL TALK - Action Steps While there is a number of things that could go into our perspective on discouragement, below are a few that are critical to our ability to persist consistently.
So, what does it take to discourage you? Work to push that line or eliminate it completely. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!
1 Comment
 Behavioral IntegrityIn the cupboard at my mom and dad’s house, there is still a list of friends from high school. This worn roster of names and phone numbers was my ‘little black book’ for pickup basketball games throughout the mid-nineties. With adult structured games far less common, we took it upon ourselves to organize our own games. And, I was the one that did all the organizing.
When I would call guys to play, I always knew certain guys would play no matter what they had going on. I loved those guys. Then we had a group of guys that would play if they didn’t have any conflicts. I would always call to check with them. Then, there were the two groups of guys that found themselves crossed off my list. First, the guys that always had an excuse for why they couldn’t play. I didn’t mind these guys too much. Afterall, they didn’t waste much of my time. I figured out pretty quickly to stop calling them. The group that I was the least accepting of were the guys that would say they could play, then not show up. This was a one strike deal for me. After the first time, they were crossed off my list and never called again. Integrity, specifically behavioral integrity, is one of the most important characteristics a person can possess. It’s equally as important for a leader. Why Should We Care? Our willingness to choose - and to be clear, this is a willingness to choose not a talent or skill - to do what we say we’re going to do is first, and foremost a message to ourselves. We are either reinforcing our consistent discipline to align our behaviors or we’re reinforcing our inconsistent discipline to align our behaviors. Each repetition builds confidence or doubt in ourselves. We’re the only ones we can’t fool. No amount of justification or viable excuses will suffice our personal truth. We always know. The second most important aspect associated with behavioral integrity is the impact on those we lead. As a leader, there is no place to hide. You’re always ‘on’. As much as we would like to, we can’t step out of our leadership role at our convenience. Your 1st grade teacher is always your teacher - you probably still even refer to them as Mr or Mrs. Your behavior can’t opt out either. Integrity doesn’t clock in and clock out. Behavioral integrity is the foundation for trust in any relationship. Those watching us are constantly evaluating whether or not they can trust us. It’s not a deposit we can make and forget about. It’s a daily donation we must make in order to garner the respect needed for others to allow us to lead them. Likewise, we are constantly checking the behavioral integrity of those within our team. The first we earmark as needing to go almost always lack the willingness to choose behavioral integrity. Trust is impossible without it and reaching your potential as a team is equally unlikely. REAL TALK - Action Steps Behavioral integrity is not complicated. It’s actually simple. Here are a few thoughts on how you can simplify it for yourself.
Much of our impact is dependent on our willingness to uphold our behavioral integrity. With it, we are virtually unstoppable and can lead anyone. Without it, we are doomed and can’t lead anyone - including ourselves. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The Light or The BulbWe’ve all received the poignant advice from an elder to “do what I say, not what I do.” Of course, as we grow up and learn more about life and leadership we realize just how unrealistic that request is. Our actions are often heard far before our voice.
In this regard I’m always reminded of the coach in the huddle of his players, with veins popping out of his neck, yelling at the team to “calm down!” If that sounds a bit ironic, or hypocritical, that’s because it is. But, it’s certainly not an occurrence that is relegated to only sports. The lack of alignment between what one says and what one does is spread throughout all aspects of society. We have plenty of people sharing great messages, while putting very little into action. And, we have plenty of people doing great things which no one is aware of. Considering the questions Campbell poses in the opening quote - am I the bulb or the light, the answer seems clear if excellence and leadership is the objective. We must be both. Those that view themselves as only the bulb fails to add what only they could add to their story. Those that view themselves as only the light fail to apply proper value to their vessel. Why Should We Care? Excellence requires that we impact the people around us. The idea of impacting others is central to the purpose of anyone’s life. A purpose void of impact on others is merely a goal. In order to maximize our impact, alignment is vital. What we do and what we say must match. Most leaders focus on being the light. We share our thoughts and ideas on what we believe, how things should be done, and why it's the best way to do it. All of our focus in educating and training leaders is dedicated to guiding the light. We need to pay just as much attention to the bulb that carries the light. It’s no less important than the light. As a matter of fact, it could be argued that the vehicle is equally as important as the light itself. Afterall, it is the bulb that determines the wattage, isn’t it? In giving more consideration to the bulb, we begin to realize the importance of our health and energy. We embrace the reality that our presence and appearance as leaders is important. And, we begin to see leadership as much relational as it is informational. REAL TALK - Action Steps Being both the light and the bulb should seem like a challenging proposition because it is. It’s supposed to be. Aspiring to excellence is supposed to be hard. The one that’s not hard is called mediocrity. The world will gladly allow you to accept that one. Here are a few ideas to help you serve well in both roles, the light and the bulb.
Leadership is at its best when the bulb and the light align. When the bulb is just strong enough to perfectly accentuate the light, it is at its very best. Consider our leadership impact the same way. Both your message and the delivery of that message determine the impact of the light you share. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The Light or The BulbWe’ve all received the poignant advice from an elder to “do what I say, not what I do.” Of course, as we grow up and learn more about life and leadership we realize just how unrealistic that request is. Our actions are often heard far before our voice.
In this regard I’m always reminded of the coach in the huddle of his players, with veins popping out of his neck, yelling at the team to “calm down!” If that sounds a bit ironic, or hypocritical, that’s because it is. But, it’s certainly not an occurrence that is relegated to only sports. The lack of alignment between what one says and what one does is spread throughout all aspects of society. We have plenty of people sharing great messages, while putting very little into action. And, we have plenty of people doing great things which no one is aware of. Considering the questions Campbell poses in the opening quote - am I the bulb or the light, the answer seems clear if excellence and leadership is the objective. We must be both. Those that view themselves as only the bulb fails to add what only they could add to their story. Those that view themselves as only the light fail to apply proper value to their vessel. Why Should We Care? Excellence requires that we impact the people around us. The idea of impacting others is central to the purpose of anyone’s life. A purpose void of impact on others is merely a goal. In order to maximize our impact, alignment is vital. What we do and what we say must match. Most leaders focus on being the light. We share our thoughts and ideas on what we believe, how things should be done, and why it's the best way to do it. All of our focus in educating and training leaders is dedicated to guiding the light. We need to pay just as much attention to the bulb that carries the light. It’s no less important than the light. As a matter of fact, it could be argued that the vehicle is equally as important as the light itself. Afterall, it is the bulb that determines the wattage, isn’t it? In giving more consideration to the bulb, we begin to realize the importance of our health and energy. We embrace the reality that our presence and appearance as leaders is important. And, we begin to see leadership as much relational as it is informational. REAL TALK - Action Steps Being both the light and the bulb should seem like a challenging proposition because it is. It’s supposed to be. Aspiring to excellence is supposed to be hard. The one that’s not hard is called mediocrity. The world will gladly allow you to accept that one. Here are a few ideas to help you serve well in both roles, the light and the bulb.
Leadership is at its best when the bulb and the light align. When the bulb is just strong enough to perfectly accentuate the light, it is at its very best. Consider our leadership impact the same way. Both your message and the delivery of that message determine the impact of the light you share. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Autonomy of ChoiceIn the basketball world, the skill trainer industry has exploded over the last ten to fifteen years. In the early 2000s, this type of instruction was relegated to professional players seeking to master nuances of their craft.
That’s certainly not the case any longer. Kids as young as seven and eight years old now have trainers, and not just for skill development. No, parents are now hiring people specifically to improve their shooting, agility, and strength. In this world, these training sessions are viewed as special, extra work the players are putting in. They’re also viewed as exclusive, something others are not getting. Neither of which are true anymore. The majority of players now work with a trainer. They call them, schedule a few days a week for a specific time, usually an hour, and pay the trainer before their sessions begin. And, from most trainers' perspective, everyone’s money is the same. It’s only as exclusive as their schedule dictates. I’m not here to say no one should use a trainer or that trainers are necessarily bad. What concerns me is that we are now eliminating the most important skill: choice. Why Should We Care? We schedule workshops for employees that aren’t motivated to attend. We set up workouts for athletes that feel obligated to practice. Rarely do we provide them the choice to decide on their own. That’s what they need to improve so choice isn’t an option. Nick Saban’s siege advice is certainly true - “The fact of the matter is that if you want to be good, you really don't have a lot of choices,” Saban said. “It takes what it takes. You have to do what you have to do to be successful.” There are not a lot of options on what you need to do. However, the option to do it, or not to do it, remains the ultimate question. See, the work is different when you are choosing it. When we’re talking basketball, it’s the intensity, creativity, level of detail, and sheer volume of work that is elevated. In the professional world it’s the depth of understanding, the application to different areas, and embracing the transformational aspect of the work. The truth is we can’t force others to choose. Our role as a leader is to create an environment that enhances the desire of those on our team to make the choices that most benefit themselves and the team. This is the essence of culture creation. The challenge, of course, is not getting pulled off the path by daily success and setbacks deemed important by society. By focusing on creating the best environment to drive the choices we want, we are doing our most important work as a leader. REAL TALK - Action Steps The question then, is how do we create this environment without mandating it? How do we make it an option when we know it needs to be done in order for our team to perform at its best. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
What is missing from this entire concept is that the training of the skill that we think is so important lags far behind the importance of developing the mindset to choose to do the work on our own. And, as long as we make that decision for those we lead, they will never do it for themselves. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Bearing BurdensIn the sports world, you usually don’t have to look too hard to find signs of selfishness rising to the surface. As a matter of fact, in the modern sports media it is often recognized and celebrated to the point that some are fooled into believing this behavior is what we should be striving for.
If there is anything selfishness is good at, it is shirking responsibility. Rather than reflecting on what they could have done differently to impact the undesirable outcome, selfishness sees only the justification of its decisions. It views results through the lens of the individual, themselves, rather than the team. Never at fault, selfishness breeds selfishness. Why Should We Care? In leadership, servanthood, relationships … life our impact and fulfillment will always be tied to our willingness to take responsibility. We will never achieve beyond the level we are willing to bear burdens. The more burdens we are willing to bear, the more impact we are capable of having. Yet, we are drawn to dismissing our responsibility when those burdens present themselves. Rather than jumping out of the way, we should be charging towards the very burdens we seek to avoid. Stepping towards rather than away from burdens forces us to honestly assess our actions and behaviors. It pushes us to improve while establishing our position as a servant to those we lead. Void of the improvement we are shackled to our current state. Void of the position of servant, we become nothing more than self-serving hypocrites. Burden bearing is an aspect of leadership in which an understanding, and acceptance of, is a must. People are more than willing to give their burdens away. Purpose and courage go hand in hand as the foundation for the bearing of burdens. It’s not for the faint of heart. REAL TALK - Action Steps I used to be averse to the phrase in sports, “My bad.” I mean, if you miss a ground ball and say “My bad” after you boot it, I want to say, “No kidding, I didn’t boot it.” Thankfully, my perspective has changed. Now I can see the power of “My bad” when it comes to burden bearing when it’s said and processed genuinely. Here are a few thoughts when “My Bad” is a good call.
Bearing burdens should not be viewed as a duty, rather it’s an honor we should embrace to lighten the load for those we serve. When we bear the burdens for others, they will often begin to bear our burdens as well. This is the essence of a team. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Humility WorksHumility is the shortcut.
We do several assignments in our leadership classes in which students are asked to self-evaluate their work. They give themselves points, and a grade, based on how well they feel they performed. The scoring of their work is more of an insight into their thoughts on themselves than it is on their work on that particular assignment. As I get to know the students more and more throughout the year, there is a clearly consistent theme to the character traits that reveal themselves for the different types of student scoring. Here’s a brief rundown:
Why Should We Care? The application of humility has more impact on our leadership, and impact, than any other attitude, technology, or tool we can find. Humility literally colors every aspect of our leadership and life. When applied, large doses preferred, who we affect, how we affect them, and to what level we affect them are all enhanced. Humility is welcoming. It draws others to us. As much as we think we like the motivational, charismatic speech that gets our blood pumping, what we realize quickly is that it never lasts and fails to create long term connections. Humility does the opposite. It binds people together, not through a single grand gesture but through a thousand small, seemingly unimportant, acts. It’s the consistency of humility that draws people in. Humility is transformational, not transactional. It aims for deep connection and significant purpose, not superficial motivation and bravado. Humility sits well with us. It inspires us to become better versions of ourselves. It doesn’t waste time on fleeting motivation. Humility prompts work. It’s hard to justify the need to work in the absence of humility. If you’re already good enough, why would you work? Humility impresses on us that we are never as good as we can be. We can always improve, always get better. This should not be mistaken for a lack of confidence. The humble are very confident. Confident in their ability to accept. Confident in their ability to persist. Confident in their ability to appreciate. REAL TALK - Action Steps Growing humility is not an easy thing to do. Just when we think we’re getting good at it - poof, we’re no longer humble. Here are a few ideas to help you think about how you may be able to grow your humility.
Humility is the shortcut. It’s also the only way to be our best and to have the transformational impact we aspire to have on the people we lead. We need to humble ourselves before someone else does it for us. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The Experiences of OthersAre we who we are because of our experiences or because of the experiences of others?
At first glance it would seem reality probably lands somewhere between the two. A combination of what I’ve experienced and what others have shared with me about their experiences meld together to create my view on the world, my perspective about life. And, I think this is largely true. The question is: should it be? Is this how we should be living our lives, forming our beliefs? We have all had numerous times throughout our lives in which the experiences of others do not align with our own. What one person sees as a waste of time, another sees as essential to their well-being. What one person views as risky or dangerous, the next may see as exciting and invigorating. What one person loves, another hates. It really is true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure and not just in the physical sense. What is weakness to one is strength to another. What is timid and vulnerable to one is humility and acceptance to another. What is failure to one is renewed opportunity to another. Why Should We Care? Who we are must depend solely on our experiences. The experiences of others can be reviewed, examined, and considered. They provide curiosity and wonder on what that experience might be like. Some push us towards creating our own similar experience, others reassuring us that we don’t want it. What must always be remembered, however, is that they are not our experiences. And, as such, they piece together the life of others, not ourselves. This is no small point.. As soon as we begin to identify too closely with the experiences of others, we lose connection with the impact of our own experiences. The more we look out, the less we look in. Society loves to show us all of the incredible experiences others partake in every day. Unfortunately, the snapshot of the epic moment fails to reveal the experiences leading up to that point. This is precisely why relying on other people's perspectives is so damaging. When it’s our experience, we know the background. We know what went into making that moment a reality. When we’re merely observing someone else’s moment, that knowledge of previous experiences isn’t there. So, what do we do? We make it up. We tell ourselves some made up story about how they got to where they are. And, it’s never accurate. REAL TALK - Action Steps As much as this is about focusing on our experiences and allowing them to serve as the foundation to our lives, it’s just as much about grace and acceptance for ourselves and others. When we can dispose of the need to judge and compare, suddenly our experiences seem like just the right ones.
Our experiences define us. They determine what we believe, what we do, and who we become. Be certain that the person you are becoming is a result of your experiences, not someone else's. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Confidence v ArroganceWatching the NBA Playoffs I’m reminded of the arrogance surrounding many elite, highly compensated athletes. It’s something that has infected all levels of youth sports at this point. The prevalence of it makes me curious about its origin. Where does this arrogance begin?
Naturally, we tend to quickly point to the God-given attributes of the talented and gifted. Afterall, many were blessed with something the rest of us weren’t. To no fault, or credit of their own, some people were born with the genetic makeup to be seven feet tall or with the inherent athleticism to be able to jump really high or run really fast. A sense of arrogance for those gifts seems natural. Of course, we all have heard, or seen, plenty of examples of people that have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds in reaching their success. So, though nature may be a part of it, it’s clearly not all of it. I mean, not only talented and gifted people are arrogant - and not all talented and gifted people are arrogant. It seems the nurture aspect must be at play as well. How we are raised by our parents, who we grow up admiring, what we see as cool or desirable all have significant impacts on our mindset. Afterall, isn’t that what arrogance, or confidence, indicates? A clear view of our mindset. Why Should We Care? Confidence is the feeling or belief that you can rely on something or someone, like yourself. Arrogance is the exaggeration of your own worth or importance. Though they are connected, they are far from the same things. The most telling difference isn’t found in their accolades, body language, or choice of words. It’s tied directly to their prioritization of the process or the outcome. Arrogance has a very intimate relationship with the outcome. Those living with arrogance are quick to highlight their accomplishments and hide their failures. They view the outcome as their measuring stick. It provides the sole barometer for success in their lives. And, it works for a lot of people as far as achievement is concerned. However, proceed with caution because when the accomplishments begin to fade, it’s not the arrogance that is lost. It’s the person’s self-worth. Confidence is married to the process rather than the outcome. Those living with confidence aren’t as sure of the outcome as they are that they will be fine regardless of the outcome. The result simply provides feedback for future processes. Processes that will be better than the ones before. It’s this continuous personal renewal that breathes life into the confident person. With each reverberation, their confidence grows, reassuring themselves that they are, indeed, ok and continuing to grow. Our relationship with the process and the outcome defines so much of how we see the world. REAL TALK - Action Steps So, what do we need to do in order to trust the process? To stay focused on it instead of the outcome? Good questions. Here are a few ideas.
Confident people know their process is the reason for their success, regardless of the outcome. Arrogant people think their accomplishments and achievements validate their success, regardless of the process. One is a firm foundation for our self-worth, the other is not. Trust the process. Surrender the outcome. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  What We FearI started writing a book for myself.
Initially the daily writing process was a way to bring clarity to my thoughts. Afterall, if you can’t write it down, do you really understand it? During the Covid shutdown, I would get up daily and write for four to five hours each morning. It doesn’t take long for that amount of time writing to accumulate into pages and pages of thoughts and ideas. Though I had spent most of my time writing privately, I eventually shared what I had been doing with a few family members and close friends. One of those friends, Ryan Hawk, asked me if I was going to publish it. At that point, I had not even considered that thought. As I began thinking about the idea of publishing a book, I immediately felt the effects of imposter syndrome. I mean, who am I to write a book? Who would want to hear what a teacher and coach had to say? What makes me think I have anything worth sharing when there are thousands of teachers and coaches out there far better than me at what we do? The feeling of inadequacy was significant. Then I dug into those feelings and at the root of them it wasn’t inadequacy or inferiority. It was insecurity. I was simply afraid of what other people would say about my writings. Ironically, detaching from the approval of others was a central theme in my story and writings. Yet, here it was again, holding me back. Why Should We Care? The National Institute of Mental Health reports public speaking as the fourth most common phobia among people, falling behind only death, spiders, and heights. It would seem the first three all direct us back to the potential for number one, death. Number four, public speaking - which we’ll lump in with publishing your own words, however is quite different. There is nothing about public speaking that would indicate it’s life threatening. It’s a lot of things, but potentially deadly isn’t one of them. Challenging? Yes. Uncomfortable? Likely. Imminent danger? Not so much. So, what is it? What about speaking in public or publishing your words causes over 40% of people to be afraid? While we might think the answer lies in a lack of skill, the answer is much more basic than that. We’re afraid of what others will think about us. Silly, I know, but it’s undoubtedly true. REAL TALK - Action Steps So, by my calculations, that puts fear of death at number one - throwing spiders and heights into that category - and fear of what others think of us as number two. The difference in those two things is pretty drastic. Here are a few thoughts on maintaining some perspective on number two.
So, here's the meat of the advice: if it comes from your people, listen and consider it; if it comes from your critics ignore it. By the way, the stories and critiques you have running through your head are always from your critics perspective. Will you miss some feedback that could potentially help you by ignoring your critics? Sure. But, if you're in tune with your foxhole and those in the arena with you, they'll provide the same - if not better - advice free from the judgment the critics love to dole out. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help! |
About bcI'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms. Archives
September 2023
Categories |
RSS Feed