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BCG Blog

10/28/2021

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Gritty Facts

I love Brene Brown’s idea of Gritty Faith and Gritty Facts. The gist of it is that we need to approach challenges and obstacles with an unwavering resolve and confidence (Gritty Faith) while also confronting the brutal reality of the situation (Gritty Facts). 

In my opinion, the societal movement to avoid conflict and not hurt anyone’s feelings has made the Gritty Facts part … we’ll say elusive. 

It’s commonplace to bring up the obvious problem, everyone does that. We’ll have meetings about it, spend an inordinate amount of time discussing and complaining about it, just to propose a simple solution to a simpler problem. Problem solved, boxed checked. 

Few teams spend the time to surface the root of the problem, reflect and evaluate their individual role in the issue, then come together to find a solution that doesn’t just solve the problem but moves the team and organization forward all together. 

I find the biggest problem not to be finding the solution, but asking the question in the first place. This is especially true when things are going well. If we’re winning, meeting our goals, everything must be going well right? The Gritty Facts are, we’re killing it!

Not necessarily so. 

Why Should We Care?
Following football, basketball, and baseball games growing up I would always ride home with my dad. He coached several of the teams I played on, but not all of them. Dad is a man of few words and rarely offers his opinion ... unless you ask. 

Now, if you ask, you’re going to get the truth. It’s not going to be filtered or softened. It’s not going to account for how you felt that day or what your ego might want to hear. You’re getting the Gritty Facts.

I figured that out pretty quickly and would save the “How’d you think I played, Dad?” question for games I was confident dad’s feedback would boost my confidence. Afterall, we all want our dad to say how great he thought we played, right?

I miscalculated one game. 
After a basketball practice in which I thought I played pretty well, I clearly remember my dad’s assessment being quite different. Following my search for praise, he listed off a myriad of mistakes and lapses in focus and effort that were unacceptable in his mind. Of course, my natural response was to defend them - in my head of course, not outloud.
When we arrived home mom could tell that I was upset. I’m sure the not-so-subtle dropping of my bag and closing of my door tipped her off. 

Mom is like the Gritty Faith angel. She thinks we can do anything, and she never hesitates to tell us so. She is the constant dealer of hope. 

When she came into my room she did the normal mom stuff like asking me how practice was and expecting an answer of more than a single word. Then, she smiled, patted me on the back and said “Your dad loves you. That’s why he tells you the truth. If you don’t want the truth from him, don’t ask.” And she got up and walked out of the room.

I think we all need to be more willing to ask … AND LISTEN to the Gritty Facts.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
It’s not easy to open yourself up for critical feedback, but nothing good is easy. We need to find ways to establish processes that now only allow the Gritty Facts to surface, but encourage them. Here are a few ideas that might help.

  • Invite Outside Evaluators
    • Go for variety here. Invite people that know you and your team and others that know nothing. Invite people from your space and others from completely different ventures. I do warn you to avoid inviting the agreeable givers, as Adam Grant describes them. People that want to tell you all the things that you’re doing well while omitting all the things you could be doing better. If you’re mining for the Gritty Facts you want the disagreeable givers that Grant identifies. They care enough about you to tell you the brutal truth.

  • Ask The Right Questions
    • We are designed to seek praise, so our questions often lend themselves to positive feedback. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing all the time. What I am saying is that it’s all you’ll get unless you ask the right questions. The Gritty Facts will stay hidden, unless you happen across a rare disagreeable giver like my dad. For others you need to ask what you could do better; what one thing they would change; something that didn’t feel right; your biggest area for growth ... if you want the Gritty Facts, ask for them.

  • Receive It Well
    • Nothing blocks quality, helpful feedback like denial and excuses. Listen to understand, not to respond. Welcome all information, you can decide what’s applicable and what’s not - afterall, it’s your feedback. Thank the person for their honest, unfiltered thoughts. For those whose advice you applied, be sure to share with them the result of their feedback. This will encourage them to provide the Gritty Facts again in the future, to you or someone else. 

Honesty is love. We need to embrace this fact. Sure it may hurt our feelings at the moment. Sure it may embarrass us or make us angry. The willingness to see the long term benefit and actively embracing the Gritty Facts is one of the trademarks of excellence. Seek it more.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. 
We would love to know how we could help!

​
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BCG Blog

10/21/2021

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Follow To Lead

Like most young boys, I loved helping my dad. It didn’t really matter if he was working on a car, splitting wood, or fixing something in the house. I loved it. Of course, my role was always the same. I was the gopher. Whatever dad needed that wasn’t within reach, that’s when my services came in.

A Phillips screwdriver? I would bring three to make sure one of them was right.
More gas for the chainsaw? I would drag the can to him if I couldn’t carry it.
Flipping an electric breaker? I would close my eyes and hope I didn’t get shocked every time.

Whatever dad needed, I was willing to do.

This is where leadership starts … with following.

We all follow before we lead. Following is our introduction to serving. It’s where we find out how good it feels to help someone else. It lays the foundation for the desire to contribute to something bigger than yourself.

Why Should We Care?
Yet, as soon as we get a taste of leadership we stop talking about following and focus solely on leading. As a matter of fact, in some circles, following becomes a derogatory label.

Think about that.
The very thing that taught us the value of helping, serving, is viewed by some as a negative. A lack of motivation and purpose or purpose and direction are all used as the reason someone has gone ‘wrong’ and is ‘just’ a follower.

It’s ridiculous when you really examine it.
If excellence, performing at our highest level, is the objective, then we should all be leading and following. It’s not an either, or. It’s an AND.

Depending on the strengths and weaknesses of the team, the most effective leaders are fluid in their movement between leading and following. 

A willingness to follow as the leader is also the mark of humility for a leader, an attribute that is more appealing than charisma or power. By choosing to follow, we can empower and uplift our team members without ever spending a dime or saying a word.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Striking a balance of leading and following is positive for anyone, not just leaders. There is a definite tendency in leadership to dismiss the need to continue following. Here are a few ideas to maintain the balance.

  • Discuss Weaknesses
    • Not only does it show humility and vulnerability, it encourages others to do the same. Each of our weaknesses likely falls into an area of strength for one of our team members. Allowing those team members to lead in your area of weakness will increase their willingness to follow you in your area of strength.

  • Discuss Strengths
    • I find people struggle identifying and sharing their strengths just as much as their weaknesses. Both are critically important to be aware of. Take the time to brainstorm the strengths of your team members. It will allow you to check for accuracy as well as pour into team members that lack confidence.

  • Discuss Failures
    • You won’t have to work at this one, but one of the most significant obstacles people face when being asked to step forward and lead is the fear of failure. How you, as the leader, respond to and move through failure will have a major impact on your team. Share that openly with them. 

The old adage of “be a leader, not a follower” needs to be retired. We all need to lead and we all need to follow. What separates the great leaders is the ability to know when to do each.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. 
We would love to know how we could help!

​
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bcg blog

10/14/2021

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Courageous & Kind

Part of my prayer every morning is that my kids will be courageous AND kind. I’m not sure I’ve ever read that or even said it often in everyday conversation, yet it keeps showing up in my head every morning. 

It’s tough though, isn’t it?

Courage is cool. We celebrate the arrogant confidence of the rising executive that takes measured risks to elevate his place in the company. We laud after the athlete that has the guts to take the game winning shot. 

Kindness is nice. We say please and thank you. We hold the door open. We like kind people.

This is how society sees it, anyway.
It’s not how I see it.

Why Should We Care?
To me, courage is vulnerability. It’s knowing you will be out of your comfort zone and going for it anyway. It’s being unsure, but giving it your absolute best effort regardless. Courage is owning your mistakes. It’s making sacrifices for others that can never be repaid. 

Kindness is choosing others over ourselves. It’s seeking to understand another person’s story before we create one for them. It’s giving over receiving. Kindness meets you where you are, no matter how far that is from where I am. It’s asking how you are, and listening to the answer. 

Courage without kindness is pretty common. People steamrolling over those in their peripheral areas with no concern for anyone but themselves is what the competitive world is all about. In these situations courage begins to look like unwavering self-belief, or confidence. However, it soon morphs into pushing others down as a means to appear elevated. 

Kindness without courage is also common. People all over the world are kind when it’s convenient, when it doesn’t conflict with societal norms. There’s nothing special about that. 

The combination of courage and kindness leads to another level that most don’t know exists.

Courage and kindness embrace adversity while dispelling comparison. Together they allow us to see the good in people at their darkest times. They give us the persistence to continue, knowing that we aren’t what we used to be or what we’re going to be. Courage and kindness is the combination that lays the foundation of excellence in our lives.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Becoming more courageous and kind is difficult but here are a few ideas to get you started.

  • Focus on Yourself to Focus on Others 
    • Our own self-awareness is the cornerstone to true confidence. Sure, plenty of people fake it and live a fine life. Those pursuing excellence do not. Their confidence is rooted in fact and experience. Only when we know and accept ourselves can we be properly equipped to lead others. Once we are fully self-aware, then we can begin to focus on others.

  • Do Hard Things For Others
    • It’s one thing to do hard things on your own, for yourself. It’s something completely different to do hard things for, or with, someone else. In the process of serving you will find yourself appreciating things in others you weren’t aware of. More people are doing great things than we realize. We just need to be present to see and acknowledge them.

  • Give Grace to Yourself and Others
    • Giving grace to yourself is difficult. I try to flip my perspective and offer myself ‘best friend’ advice when I’m struggling with my inner voice - what would you tell your best friend to do in your situation? It’s usually not what I’m telling myself. Likewise, delaying the story that we immediately tell ourselves about others will allow us to consider things that would have likely not been considered in our first draft. Both of those things require courage and kindness.

Courage and kindness are a rare combination. It attracts people to you and elevates your team. The combination is a mix all leaders should be pursuing. Go ahead and throw it in that prayer tomorrow morning.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. 
We would love to know how we could help!

​
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bcg blog

10/7/2021

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Struggle Reveals

When you squeeze an orange, you expect to get orange juice. Seems like a reasonable assumption. You don’t squeeze an orange and hope for apple juice or lemonade. You expect orange juice.

The good news is, that’s what you get - orange juice.
The bad news is, that’s what you get - the real thing.

In society it’s the norm to walk around in a facade, pretending. Make-up on, hair done up, clothes nice and pressed - all to make sure we look the part. The extent we go to convince others that we have it together and are in control of our lives is mind boggling. From the cars we drive to the shoes we wear, the primary driver for most people is the answer to the question - what will others think?

Social media is one of the biggest culprits of this mindset. The overwhelming majority of social media is used as a vain effort to impress others.

We’re doing our best to look the part of the orange.

Why Should We Care?
Then struggle and adversity latch on and start squeezing. And the facade is over. There is no more pretending.

Struggle and adversity always point to the truth. They reveal what the make-up, fancy hair, and designer clothes had been covering up. They have no interest in the props your last Insta post got you. 

So, when squeezed, what everyone thought to be an orange is now being exposed for whatever it is. The real juice will flow. There’s no faking it.

That’s the beauty of adversity - it always reveals. 

The work to become authentic is difficult, which is why so few people truly embrace it. Yet, without it, we ourselves are unsure of the juice we’ll release when squeezed.

The most interesting aspect of struggle to me is that we are drawn to hide it in ourselves, yet value and appreciate it in others. We love the longshot stories and comeback heroes that found excellence by overcoming numerous obstacles. It’s an odd relationship.



REAL TALK - Action Steps
Here are a few ideas to help you be more aware and intentional in those moments of adversity and struggle. They may seem simple, but they’re not easy.

  • Do The Work
    • You can’t replace the work to find out who you really are. Make your juice match your exterior. Then, embrace it. Grow comfortable being your authentic self. Purpose, core value work, mindfulness, and courage are all part of this process.

  • Be Vulnerable 
    • By opening up about the challenges we’ve faced, we allow others the opportunity to be inspired. Share your failures as much as your successes. People are most inspired by flawed people, like themselves, that have persevered and found their way - not by people that have had their way paved for them.

  • Pay Attention
    • You want to know who someone is? Watch them when things are hard, when they’re being squeezed. Listen to what they say, but more importantly watch what they do. The real person is always revealed in times of struggle.

Struggle is a beautiful thing. We should embrace it more than we do. It not only reveals our true self to others, but to ourselves too.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. 
We would love to know how we could help!

​
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    About bc

    I'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms.

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