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5/28/2020

Eulogy or Resume - Which is Driving You?

Purpose and urgency … If you want true purpose and urgency, find yourself a near death experience.
Careful now, don’t get too close - no do overs for this one.
It’s funny what doesn’t matter, when you realize what does.

Of course, no one is going out searching for the ultimate ‘close call’ in the name of perspective, but it’s also impossible to dismiss the reality of the clarity it brings to those that experience it. Suddenly a father obsessed with his career and climbing the corporate ladder is taking a week off of work to take his daughter backpacking through the Andes. Or a young college student goes from being consumed and held down by the opinions of others to dismissing the thoughts of acquaintances and pursuing her passion of volunteering to serve the homeless.

Why Should We Care?
Well, this is a pretty simple question - Why should we care? Uh … because you’re going to die too. Doesn’t matter what you do, how much money you have, or how great your hair looks - it’s coming.

When I introduce this to my students you can physically see the discomfort it brings. But why? It’s going to happen, why don’t we talk about death more? Oh, yea I know - because it’s uncomfortable.

Like most other things that are uncomfortable, the consideration of death can be extremely beneficial to us while we’re still alive. After all, death may help others appreciate things once we’ve passed but it’s not going to do a whole lot for us.

This isn’t just meant just for individuals - all teams die too. The understanding of that reality can have the exact same impact on the teams we lead as it does on individuals.

Here are the three of of the most significant benefits of considering death while you still have time to live.

Perspective - Death provides clarity on what is important. It has the power to cut out all the “stuff” that doesn’t matter, which, just so happens to be - most things. We become driven, disciplined, and courageous when we understand we don’t have forever on earth.
Urgency - When tomorrow becomes a question, today becomes the answer. The idea that we may not have another day to give a hug, say thank you, or volunteer to help is the greatest spur to action there is. Gone are the days we tell our daughter we’ll play pass in the backyard later.
Gratitude - When we are aware of our limited time with a team, or on earth, we begin to appreciate everything more fully. The challenges, the failures, the blunders - all just part of the journey to experience and be grateful for. We see beauty in close ones and in the simple things around us that we had been missing our whole lives.

The other aspect of considering death as a friend is it creates a finish line that you control. We have all of these goals throughout life - pass a class, start on my team, buy a house, own my own business, find a partner … all are great but are any as important as - when I’m on my deathbed, I want the people there with me to say _________? I know they don't for me. Everything fades of importance when it is compared to our ultimate legacy with the people we love.

REAL TALK - Action Steps

The World’s Shortest Eulogy
So, how does this apply to you or your teams? You don’t need a near-death experience to benefit from the perspective of death. You do, however, need to consider it. How do you want to be remembered by the people closest to you? What really matters to you at the end of the day … or your life?

Parents - Ask your child to write a eulogy in 24 words or less. There is no magic number in the amount of words but it is important to limit it. By keeping it somewhat short, the author must focus on what is essential to how they want to be remembered. Parents should do it also, then share them. Younger children may not understand the idea of a eulogy - try asking how they want their teacher at school to remember them … What would they want their teacher to describe them to next year’s class?

Coaches/Managers - We’ve used eulogies with our team also, but an alternative is to ask team members to write a Banquet Speech. The framing question for this activity is: What would you want your coach to say about you at the end of the season baquet? Players write out a speech in 3rd person from the coach’s perspective describing how they want to be viewed at the end of the season. This provides a great source for feedback and direction to the team members throughout their season / career in regards to how well they are doing in actually living to the qualities mentioned in their Banquet Speech.
Teammates - No real activity here, just the recommendation to honestly consider death. The team you’re on will one day no longer be a team. Your teammates will no longer be your teammates. Teams are special because of their uniqueness. No two teams are exactly the same. Seize the opportunity to make your impact on the team, and your teammates, the one you want it to be.

There are really two ways to live - for your eulogy or your resume. Considering the end of anything is a powerful way to align your actions with your eulogy. Death doesn’t need to be knocking on our door in order for this to happen. But, the reality of death does need to be considered, understood, and embraced. This goes for our teams and our lives. We only get one shot at life - make it the one you want it to be.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

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bcg blog

5/21/2020

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Just Say "I don't know"

Sure, maybe you should know.
Sure, maybe it’s embarrassing.
Sure, maybe you think you know.

But let’s be honest for a second, we don’t know much of anything. I mean, we think we know. And, we act like we know, but do we really? We hear plenty of people around us claiming to know everything from how we should walk our dog to the way to heal humanity. Everyone has the answer.

And if you don’t have it, well then, you’re lost - behind the rest of the world, clawing and scratching to catch-up. Not knowing puts in an uncomfortable place, a place of uncertainty. And uncertainty isn’t strong or tough. It doesn’t exude confidence or exemplify the leader we are aspiring to be.

That aspiration is precisely the issue.

Why Should We Care?
Who we are aspiring to become is important. Without aspirations to be someone or something we would live our entire life sitting on the couch watching Netflix and eating potato chips. As Lewis Carroll’s Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland points out, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” So, the question becomes who are you aspiring to be?

Most of the people I see are in the pursuit of power, influence, and money (coaches can replace money with wins). After all, isn’t that what society tells us to be chasing? And don’t those come from definiteness in our mission, superior knowledge of our craft, and finding just the right market? But the more I pay attention to it and the more I read on it … I’m beginning to think it’s all a bunch of crap.

Everyone speaks in such absolutes regarding leadership and getting to the top, but they don’t really know what will work for you. Every self-help book and youtube video telling you exactly how you should be pursuing your dream is kinda right, and kinda wrong. Their advice is based on their experiences, as they should be, and what has worked for them. Does that mean it will work for you too? Maybe, maybe not.

This is where the direction of your aspiration comes in. We are best served if our aspiration is centered on improvement, growth, and progress - not on attaining power, influence, or money. So, the trick is, try something. And if it doesn’t work, try something else. And if that doesn’t work, try something else. Naturally, you’re going to start with whatever approach you think is going to be the best option for you based on your knowledge and your experience. But that doesn’t guarantee it’s the right option. This is the process of growth and progress. There is no other path. Sometimes we find the route that works for us right away and sometimes we don’t. That’s the way it needs to be.

Not knowing is the way we grow. It prompts us to action. It creates urgency in our thoughts and habits. And when we adjust our aspirations towards the process of growth instead of black and white destinations, we begin to realize the value of saying “I don’t know”.

“I don’t know” is also a simple expression of humility and vulnerability. I think most would agree they would prefer to be under the guidance of a humble leader. The willingness to first recognize, then admit, one isn’t all knowing is a step in leadership too many try to avoid. Personally, I find this type of vulnerability and authenticity far more inspiring and welcoming than the seemingly perfect, all-powerful boss.

Here are few tools to strengthen your ability, and willingness, to be okay not knowing.

REAL TALK - Action StepsThe Power of Yet - Carol Dweck Ted Talk
The idea behind the power of yet is to foster a growth mindset - the belief that, regardless of our current state, we can improve through practice and repetition. Anyone spending time reading understands and, is applying, the concept of a growth mindset.

Parents - One of the key aspects of establishing a growth mindset is being intentional about what you recognize and encourage. Focus on encouraging, positive behaviors rather that lead to desired outcomes rather than the outcomes themselves. For example, getting an A in math class is a great accomplishment but the behavior behind it - studying, doing all your homework, taking notes every day in class, and asking questions about things you don’t understand - are the behaviors that lead to the outcome. Encourage those behaviors that are controllable.

“You don’t understand your homework yet, but you’ll keep working on it and asking questions until you do.”

Coaches/Managers - Very similar to parents, focus on the process. The process is what leads to results and where growth is found. Focusing on outcomes - winning the league or district championship, while a great goal, is simply a flag in the ground. It can serve as a marker for the progress, but does not drive the progress. The daily habits and practices each day do that.

“We don’t rotate well enough on defense to compete at the highest level yet, but we’ll continue drilling it everyday and eventually we’ll get there.”

Teammates - This shows up as hope in the potential of those around you. As teammates it’s important that we use the power of yet to deal hope and confidence to those in the trenches with us. Expressing that a teammate may not be where the team needs them to be, or where they want to be, but they’re working to change it is empowering. A word of encouragement from a teammate is ten times as powerful as that from a coach.

“You’re good. Keep working at it and you’ll get there - I know you will. You may not be strong enough yet, but if you keep working as hard as you have been it won’t be long.”

Disclaimer:
I don’t know either. These are just my thoughts and reflections based on my experiences. They’re neither right or wrong and are definitely not absolute. I’ve found them helpful in my journey and I share them simply for your consideration. If they help you, that’s great - please use them. If not, that’s ok too. I’ve found one of the best parts of learning is considering new, and different, ideas or perspectives. Take what works for you and put your own twist on it to make it yours.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

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bcg blog

5/14/2020

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Pride: Your Greatest Asset and Worst Enemy

First of all, what is it? According to Merriam-Webster:

The quality or state of being proud: such as:
- Inordinate self-esteem: Conceit
- A reasonable or justifiable self-respect
- Delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship
A proud or disdainful behavior or treatment

We really only know pride through little, quick snippets of advice - ‘have some pride in your work’ or ‘don’t let your pride get in the way’. Beyond the sage advice from our mentors, do we really have any idea the role our pride plays in our lives?

Why Should We Care?
If pride is good, then indifference is bad.
Our pride in our work and communities is powerful. It is one of the most powerful driving forces of our daily actions. We choose to do hard things, take on challenging assignments and projects, often because we want to make those close to us proud. Each time we accomplish our goals or achieve at a high level our pride grows and we’re encouraged to take another risk, tackle another goal. It’s often our pride telling us that we can do it. And when we don’t accomplish our goal or fail to achieve at the level we are expected to, we have regret and sometimes embarrassment. Our pride is also the one telling us that we could have done better - that we’re better than that subpar performance. We have these feelings and experience these emotions because we care - and caring is good. I don’t think anything in the world is worse than an attitude of indifference. Indifferent people have pride in nothing.

If pride is bad, then humility is good.
Pride can keep us from learning and growing. It can build such a powerful wall around our ego that we would never dare to let anyone see what is actually going on in there. We hold tight to things we don’t know or don’t understand, hoping others won’t find us out. The imposter feeling you have when taking over a new job is real - and it’s a result of our pride. We hold our emotions even closer, always trying to appear strong and in control. Pride stifles our willingness to take chances, to learn from those beside and behind us, and to explore new ideas. It’s humility that opens the door for those things. Humility asks questions and allows us to go places we’ve never been, fully embracing the fact that we may not find anything … or maybe we will. Humble people are willing to give it a shot.

Pride does seem to be a paradox. The subject of pride is the issue. When our pride is tied directly to people, places, or things we are building our own walls that will limit our impact on the world. And yes, this does include ourselves.

However, if our pride is rooted in beliefs and ideas then it becomes healthy and empowering. This pride will drive choices that are anything but indifferent. We will be called to action out of our desire to serve the cause. Pride in our beliefs is precisely what drives our courage and willingness to enact change.

Here are a few thoughts on developing pride that will fuel you rather than limit you.

REAL TALK - Action Steps

Identify Your Purpose -

In his book Inside-Out Coaching, Joe Ehrmann posed four powerful questions that can help you to gain clarity on your purpose. They’re directed at coaches, but certainly apply to all professions.

Why do I coach?
Why do I coach the way I do?
How does it feel to be coached by me?
How do I define success?

For me, the last question is the critical one and speaks directly to where your pride falls. Take the time to honestly consider your answers to these questions.

Stick to Your Core Values

It may seem obvious, but your core values - how you want to be remembered by the people closest to you; should be the focal point of your pride. Being proud to live with integrity, for example, has a positive impact on you and everyone you interact with. There are a lot of ways to identify your core values, but what most people dismiss is the need to intentionally live by them. Identifying what you believe is great. Intentionally living by your beliefs is the goal. Establish a system that keeps your values front and center - read them every morning, write them on your mirror, make them your screen saver … Take action, don’t leave it to chance.

No BCDing - Focus 3

Blaming, Complaining, and Defending (BCD) are the three ways we like to defend our pride and ego. Stop doing it. At all. Just stop. It doesn’t help - it weakens your character and is a clear indicator that your pride is tied to the wrong things.

Are you proud of your job because of the company name, your job title, or salary?
Or are you proud of your job because of the difference you make in the lives of your customers?

Are you proud of your community because of the name, prestige, or lineage?
Or are you proud of your community because of the values and relationships you built while there?

The question isn’t do you have pride - it’s what do you have pride in?

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

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bcg blog

5/7/2020

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Can You Detach From the Approval of Others?

Have you ever thought of being an official? Yea, me either. What a crazy job. The men and women in stripes are never right. Go to any sporting event from 4 year olds to 40 year olds, Super Bowls to Biddy Ball, Olympic games to Rec Leagues - it doesn’t matter, an official’s call is always met with 50% dissatisfaction. I once saw an official take his whistle off and offer to hand it to an irate parent at a youth basketball game. Of course, the parent declined the offer and was quickly back to berating the same officials a few seconds later.

Anytime discussions of officials creep up, someone is guaranteed to say, “I would never want that job.” If pressed further, justifications like people hate you, you can never be right, and it’s a thankless job emerge. So why do they do it? Why choose to put yourself in that situation.
Of course, some do it for extra money. But, I like to think the majority of them do it for a more pure reason - to give back, to provide structure for kids to grow and learn through sport. As with everything else, this purpose is the deciding factor in how officials will handle all of the negative chatter and antics surrounding their jobs.

So it is with leadership. Your purpose will establish the ceiling for everything. The stronger the purpose the more sacrifices you will be willing to make, the more obstacles you will overcome, and the more naysayers you will be willing to ignore.

Why Should We Care?
I’m not going to wish you well on your leadership journey. As a matter of fact, I hope you struggle. I hope it’s hard, really hard. I hope you consider quitting. I hope you get so down on the idea of leading that you’re forced to look deep inside to find why you are even doing it - why you’re putting yourself through all the questioning, disappointment, and hate. You need that answer.

With your purpose in hand, and more importantly in heart, you will embrace challenges as part of the process. The adversity will galvanize you. It will inspire you to pursue your purpose regardless of what happens and what is said.

The words people say to us matters. It has an impact on how we think and what we do. We all know that those that boast about not caring what others think are precisely the ones that care the most. The key isn’t to not care about what others think, it’s to only give merit to what those closest to you think. Call it your inner circle, foxhole friends, or family but it’s important to identify who these people are. Letting those in that special group know how important their opinion is to you solidifies your clarity and empowers them to share their thoughts with you confidently.

Once you identify this inner circle, there are really only two things left to do:

Listen to them
Ignore the others

Here are couple activities to help you identify this special group. Remember, these are the people that care about you for who you are and what you stand for - not for what you do or how you can help them!

REAL TALK - Action Steps

Square Squad - Brene Brown

Do you care what people think? Should you care what people think? Most people will likely begin by saying you do care what people think, but you shouldn’t. In reality we should care what SOME people think - just not what everyone thinks. So whose opinions should matter to us? For this activity you will draw a 1 inch x 1 inch square on a piece of paper and write the names of all the people that care about you for who you are; that tell you the truth when it’s hard; and, is someone that you can talk to without feeling judged. Finally, spend a few minutes thinking intentionally about people outside your square that you often catch yourself listening to. Write those names outside the square. Now, tell those in your square that they are in your Square Squad!

Foxhole Teammates - Coach Don Meyer

For this activity you will want to begin with what a foxhole is and why trust is essential to staying alive. To begin, draw a circle on a piece of paper and write your name inside the circle at the top. We’ll call this 12 o’clock. The most important person in a foxhole is the one behind you because you can’t see anything in that direction. You must have 100% trust in them. At the bottom of the circle, 6 o’clock, write the name of the person you trust the most. The next 2 positions, at 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock, are equally important. Write the names of the other 2 most trusted people in those places in the circle. This is your foxhole - you can apply it to your team, your family, or your friends. By identifying these people we clearly know whose opinions should matter to us. If they aren’t in your foxhole, we should not seek their approval. Send these people an email, text, or letter letting them know they are in your foxhole and how important they are to you.

Too often we compromise our beliefs to appease opinions of people not in our inner circle. We never feel good about it and, more often than not, regret those compromises. Finding clarity in our purpose and values will provide the strength we need to stop seeking approval from those outside our foxhole.

For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com.
We would love to know how we could help!

0 Comments

bcg blog

Eulogy or Resume - Which is Driving You?

bcg blog

Just Say "I don't know"

bcg blog

Pride: Your Greatest Asset and Worst Enemy

bcg blog

Can You Detach From the Approval of Others?

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bcg blog

Eulogy or Resume - Which is Driving You?

bcg blog

Just Say "I don't know"

bcg blog

Pride: Your Greatest Asset and Worst Enemy

bcg blog

Can You Detach From the Approval of Others?

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