 Shadow WorkIn his book, Falling Upward, Richard Rohr defines ‘shadow work’ as “what you refuse to see about yourself, and what you do not want others to see”. He is referencing the required self-understanding necessary to transition from the first half of life, which he calls your false self, to the second half of life, your true self. Rohr’s stance is that no one ever truly enters into the second half without the necessary ‘shadow work’.
The same is true in our leadership. Replication is always the initial stage, which is ok. It gives us a foundational base to build upon. Of course, some of our bases are bigger, stronger, and simply better than others. That’s ok too. It may impact our initial effectiveness, but has little to do with our long term influence as a leader. What does impact our long term influence, however, is our ‘shadow work’. Why Should We Care? Naturally we all have areas we can improve, those weaknesses may shed a little light on our shadow but they never encompass the whole thing. Our shadow is much more than our shortcomings. Our ‘shadow work’ is more about how, rather than what. Most of us focus on whats - things we do or don’t do when addressing areas of improvement. The how of our leadership is a little more personal and harder to accept criticism on. We do anything the way we do it for one of two reasons: either we’ve never intentionally thought about how we do it, we are still just copying how it was demonstrated to us or we’ve intentionally chosen the way we do it and feel it is the best way. Both approaches are held in high esteem in our minds, neither readily open to change. If we haven’t considered our approach, then we are typically very comfortable doing it the way we do it. And, as you know, comfort isn’t something we shrug off easily. ‘Shadow work’ is uncomfortable. If we have intentionally chosen how we do it, then clearly we have a belief in that approach that will confront criticism with skepticism at best, full denial at worst. REAL TALK - Action Steps “Shadow work” as it pertains to leadership isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s also not for transactional and dictator style leadership. It is for transformational leaders aspiring to be completely authentic and maximizes their impact on those they lead. Below are a few ideas on getting started on that process.
We all have shadows to work on. The sooner we figure out what they are and do the work to improve them, the sooner our impact on those we lead will expand. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!
0 Comments
 Our FilterA friend of mine recently asked me for advice on an important decision he had to make. There were plenty of pros and cons to both sides of the decision and he was struggling to make a decision he could have confidence in.
I don’t think his situation is uncommon. I know I’ve found myself searching for the ‘right’ answer in similar situations many times. I would think you can relate as well. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a filter, or special lens, to run these types of decisions through? Something that allows you to scrape away all of the stuff that doesn't really matter so you can focus more clearly on the few things that do? That would have to simplify the process significantly, right? Your core values are that filter. Why Should We Care? Success breeds success, that is, of course, until it doesn’t. I’m sure you are familiar with a number of companies, teams, or individuals that have experienced great success only to see a quick, drastic decline in performance. Complacency or a loss of focus on the specific mission at hand are the typical culprits. Nonetheless, sustaining success requires something more than creating it in the first place and involves a transition to something success can never be - excellence. Excellence can be sustained because it is central to us, not others. Success is simply feedback when we are held up and compared to another. If we’re using success as our gauge in decision making, which most people do, then our checkpoints fluctuate with what provides the best opportunity to win. There’s no consistency, and certainly no simplicity. The possibilities to consider are endless. Since excellence is specific to each of us, the things we truly have to consider in any decision making process becomes limited quickly. Our core values provide our guide to excellence. Each decision we make with our core values as our filter, enhances our level of excellence. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few questions to consider around your core values the next time you have an impactful decision to be made.
We often find ourselves searching for guidance and answers with every significant decision we make. That doesn’t need to be the case. Allow your values to be your guard rails and you will not only gain clarity, but you will also grow your integrity and confidence by living into the person you want to be. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Owning Your IdentityLet’s start here:
Do what you say you’re going to do. Seems simple enough … apparently it is not. There are two facets to this aspect of integrity: the things we tell others and the things we tell ourselves. Both are important, but neither seem to be all that valued any more. Once upon a time, not doing what you said you were going to do wasn’t something we shrugged off with an “oh well, I forgot” or dismissed completely with a half-hearted, “my bad”. At one time the failure to follow through on your word simply made you a liar. There was no softening of the accusation and no excuse to dismiss you from responsibility. You were your action (spoiler alert … this hasn’t changed). The lies we tell others damages the confidence others have in us. The lies we tell ourselves damages the confidence we have in us. Each one of those New Year’s resolutions we make and quit on, each attempt at dieting that we start with great intentions only to bail out on come the weekend, and each time we swear to ourselves that it’s the last time we allow someone to treat us like that … each one of those failures to follow through on our word to ourselves, is another blow to our personal integrity. The lies to ourselves are just as damaging as the lies to others. Why Should We Care? Here’s the thing: you are what you DO. You aren’t what you say. You aren’t what you say you are. You are what you DO. You aren’t what you did. You aren’t what you say you’re going to do. You are what you DO. Your ethos is in your actions, not your words. That will not change, ever. Your integrity is dependent on doing what you say you’re going to do. Other’s belief in you hinges on your willingness to do what you say. Your belief in yourself is being lifted or dampened with each of these seemingly innocent choices as well. Recognizing that it is simply a choice is significant. We are not victims of circumstance. REAL TALK - Action Steps Our integrity is how well we are living to our values. I’m assuming most don’t have dishonesty as a core value. Intentionality is a must, but here are a few other ideas to help maintain our integrity as it pertains to following through on your word.
Doing what you say you’re going to do seems like a really simple ask. For those in your inner circle, I hope that’s the case. For all those you lead, I’m sure it’s not. It’s our responsibility to help them understand the significance of their follow through on their self-image and impact with others. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Pick-up LessonsAs a self-confessed old-head, one of the things that disappoints me the most about the state of youth sports is the loss of free play. It seems that virtually everything nowadays is organized. And, while that may provide a structure that fits nicely into our schedule and ideals, it often misses on other critical values that we frequently find absent in young adults … or old adults.
From the age of twelve to fifteen, Sunday afternoons meant pick-up tackle football games with my older brother. There was nothing I looked forward to more during that time than those games and the rides to and from them with Johnny. I learned quickly that toughness was a required trait. It wasn’t optional or desired, it was required. It was never talked about, but it was clearly understood. With a gravel driveway as the fifty yard line, there were certainly a fair share of injuries. What I learned very quickly is that the injury didn’t matter, how you reacted to the injury however would etch your future in stone. If a player suffered a minor injury, but acted as if it was catastrophic, they immediately relegated themselves to the last pick - or not even being picked. Forgiveness would eventually set in and allow them to come back and play again … in a few weeks, not a few minutes. Coming back into the game after faining an injury was met with immediate disgust and ridicule that no one ever attempted to do it more than once. The message was very clear: if you can play, you play; if you can’t, you don’t. The injury was irrelevant after the fact. Think FIFA soccer or NBA basketball. They wouldn’t have been able to play on Sundays with us. Why Should We Care? Win or go home used to be a real thing. Now it only occurs at the end of a long weekend of games after everyone has already played numerous times. Highlight videos have been bought and Tweets have been posted, so what’s really left? Does it really matter if you win or not? When you play legit pick-up, against real competition, that is not the mindset. First of all, there are no cameras or tweets. The highlights are limited to the best kind - the ones that are embedded in our mind and exaggerated to others on the car ride home. From my junior year of high school until I was three to four years out of college, my summer included regular pick-up basketball games at Thomas Cloud Park in Huber Heights and on the University of Dayton’s campus. Those games, often with older players, taught me quickly that winning was the only thing that mattered in pick-up basketball. Winners stay. If you lose, it could be hours before you got the chance to play again - and that’s if you were lucky enough to get picked up by another team. I was never that lucky. So, I had to find ways to help my team win. It’s amazing how quickly players accepted their roles and played to their strengths when the pressures of leaving the court for an extended time were constantly staring you in the face. The lessons abounded. Humility was accepted or the need for it realized quickly. Playing hard was not optional. Unselfishness was demanded. You willingly sacrificed for the team. You spoke honestly with teammates for the good of the team. You owned your mistakes. You enjoyed the pureness of the struggle and the honesty of the results. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few ideas to keep in mind that we have to be intentional with now that so much free play has been removed from the maturation process of our upcoming leaders. These still must be learned, one way or the other.
I’ve commented before that I think I could make fail-proof hirings if I could just play a little pick-up basketball with each potential employee. It’s much more difficult to give a textbook answer in the heat of a pick-n-roll than it is in a comfy office chair. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The Turtle Always Wins“Speed kills” is a common saying in sport. Fans, scouts, and coaches will reference it in recruiting or as justification for why one athlete, or team, outperforms another. Quickness, athleticism, or ‘speed’ have a significant impact on performance.
In the short term, they’re right - the hare will win. But, in the long term, that’s not the case. In the long term, the turtle always wins. Regardless of society’s compulsion for honoring number one, the first, or the fastest; the reality doesn’t change. Patience and persistence are going to win out. Why not recognize it and operate as if we know it now? Why Should We Care? When we know the turtle wins, our perspective is shifted. The persistent failure becomes the superstar. The young, complacent hot shot becomes the underachiever. The faithful worker focused on the mundane masters the essentials. The flippant genius is bored by the very skills that hold his future success. As leaders, we must always be aware of what we are rewarding. The behaviors we promote within our team establishes the culture of our group. It’s culture that kills, not speed. How we see success is also a significant factor on what we view as worthy of praise. The more bent we are towards achieving outcomes, the more likely we are to value speed over persistence. The faster we can get the result we want, regardless of what is compromised, makes the most sense, right? A process focus is naturally accompanied by an expectation, and acceptance of, patience. Of course there is a desire for the instant gratification, the sugar rush, of the immediate result. However, the process focused mind realizes any success, or failure, is simply a by-product of the process chosen. Furthermore, a seemingly good result doesn’t always equate to the best process anymore than a seemingly bad result equates to a poor process. Both are yet to be seen, meaning there is more work to do either way. Turtles believe in, and do, the work. REAL TALK - Action Steps This is a pretty easy one to understand and even acknowledge, but very difficult to remember in the moment. Here are a few ideas for bringing the patient persistence of the turtle to the forefront.
Appreciating the way of the turtle is important for us as individuals and organizations alike. Both parties like to cite their need for immediate results as their excuse for a lack of emphasis on the long game. It’s a lame excuse, stop using it. Give the turtle the respect it deserves. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The 'Good Enough' LeaderI’ve written before on one of my high school coach’s common moniquers:
“Ever notice how good enough, never is?” I’m sticking with that in regards to our personal pursuit of excellence. If it’s about holding ourselves accountable, good enough doesn’t cut it. If it’s about living to our personal values, good enough doesn’t cut it. If it’s about how we treat others, good enough doesn’t cut it. But a place where good enough is just right is in leadership. We’ve developed, fallen may be a better word for it, into a society that attempts to protect those in our care from the imminent failures coming our way rather than preparing them to deal with it. We swoop in to save the day only to make the coming days that much harder. Let’s think of it from a parenting standpoint. We have the two extremes, which I would argue make up the majority of the cases: the helicopter and the absent. Helicopter parents are always hovering. They view it as their personal responsibility to be sure their child goes through life free of disappointment and failure. They are constantly involved and running to the rescue at the first sign of perceived struggle. They’re annoying at best, meddling at worst. I’m sure you know plenty of parents from this group. The absent parent is just that, not there. They provide no structure, or guidance, for their child and have released themselves of the responsibility to nurture this young person into an adult that can positively contribute to society. They’re nowhere to be found when trouble sets in. Why Should We Care? From the outside it seems the absent parent is far worse than the helicopter parent, but it’s not the case. Both are equally damaging. The parent that has it figured out is the good enough parent. A good enough parent is going to be at the playground to see their child fall down, but resist the urge to run in and save the day. They allow their child to fall and deal with it. That’s good enough. A good enough parent is going to be present and supportive of their child as they complaining about a teacher or coach that they don’t agree with, but resist the urge to intervene and overpower the relationship. They allow their child to struggle and deal with it. That’s good enough. The exact same scenarios play themselves out in the leadership world. The helicopter leader clips the wings of team members, robbing them of the opportunity to stretch themselves by swinging for the fences. These leaders quickly find themselves with a team full of in-the-box thinkers afraid of putting themselves out there or risking failure. The absent leader is climbing the ladder and compromising the life-blood of leadership, the relationships, for another ring on the ladder. They are either so focused on themselves that they literally aren’t available to their team or they are so focused on societal success that their team doesn’t matter to them. Similar to parenting, I believe these two descriptions also encapsulate the majority of leaders. The good enough leader provides team members with what they need, not what they want. They allow the vagueness of their direction to be an asset rather than a hindrance. The good enough leader is there, but no one notices him. He prompts, suggests, and guides those he leads towards the vision of the team. REAL TALK - Action Steps There is nothing easy about being a good enough leader. Though it may seem like less work, it’s clearly a significant challenge considering how many people accept its effectiveness but fail to act on its execution. Here are a few thoughts that might help you with the process.
I think we are guilty of over-parenting, over-coaching, and over-teaching. Some, actually most, things are best when we figure them out ourselves. We are at our best, and our teams are at their best, when we strike the balance - when we’re good enough. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The Talent CliffIt seems like certain people were dropped there with a special gift. Ordained by God to simply be naturally gifted as something. There are far too many examples to dispute the fact that some people are born with enhanced skills others aren’t. This, of course, isn’t to say we all can’t improve - not trying to dispute Carol Dweck and her growth mindset research by any means.
However, clearly some people are naturally gifted in singing, for example, as compared to someone else. A few of these people recognize this talent and invest great amounts of work in it. Their early success fuels their passion for their skill which provides enough intrinsic motivation to inspire them to pass through challenges and obstacles with no regard, as if they are simply part of the process. And, in this process these few are likely recognized as much for their work and commitment as they are for their talent. Thus, they draw an additional reward in the form of admiration for the process they have chosen, not simply the innate talent they began with. Then you have the gifted group that recognize their gift, but allow their talent to diminish their perceived need for work. They begin believing their talent, not their work, is the driving force. And, rightly so based on the feedback they receive from others. These people are often praised and elevated because of their talent. Rather than the admiration being for the process they embrace it’s simply for the talent they possess. This rings empty to them because deep down they know they did little to cultivate what they were blessed with. Why Should We Care? As leaders, this is significant because these people are often hard to tell apart but their impact on our team and culture won’t be. As Inky Johnson puts it, “Character supersedes talent … don’t allow your talent to take you where your character can’t sustain you.” Talent leads us to a cliff that requires a plan. Character is the foundation of that plan. I realize you’re probably reading that, agreeing with it and saying that makes sense. Then why don’t we honor it? We see it over and over - from professional sports to youth sports, from corporate America to the working class … skill and talent is valued above character. We make these compromises with one hope in mind: they’re cliff is too far away. We know they’re headed straight for a cliff and we know they have not been equipped with a plan, yet too often we allow them to proceed. We’ll complain about how they’re entitled and how they ‘don’t get it’. We’ll make excuses for their attitude and allow them to skate by on threats. Our unwillingness to hold the talented accountable isn’t their problem, it's ours. Ignoring it is worse than enabling it. We might as well be pushing them off the cliff ourselves. REAL TALK - Action Steps As the talented ones we are entrusted with make their way towards the cliff, here are a few thoughts on helping them develop a plan for the crossroads of their talent and their character.
The call is not to the talented, or gifted, though they ultimately hold the decision. The call is to the leaders. Teach them, coach them, and hold them accountable. If not for your benefit, for theirs. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Compete BecauseI’ve spent the last eight years worth of summers in basketball gyms all across the country. I’ve had the opportunity to watch a lot of incredibly talented players throughout that time. The things kids can do now in third or fourth grade on the basketball court weren’t common for seventh or eighth graders just five years ago. Their skill and talent is off the charts.
But, I wouldn’t want 98% of them on my team. Why? They don’t know how to compete. That’s right, competing is a learned skill. Just like running or jumping, some are bent more towards competition than others. However, I will always be of the belief that we all can continue to improve our ability to compete. The problem isn’t a lack of competition. It’s the unwillingness to express the importance of competing. Why Should We Care? The ‘everyone gets a ribbon’ and ‘no one loses’ movements may help our confidence - though I would argue it’s false confidence - but it’s also crippling the desire for people to compete. Kids and adults alike will tap out at the first sign of challenge, struggle, or God-forbid failure. We continue to hold on to the false pretense that losing or failing is bad. As if it damages our psyche and paralyzes our motivation to continue moving forward. Competing places us directly in the crosshairs. When we compete, there is a chance we fail. Without that chance, it’s not a competition. Likewise, competition calls for a winner. We can’t eliminate the potential for a loss while maintaining the possibility for a win. Our societal judgment of success as ‘good’ and failure as ‘bad’ is leading us to an apathetic approach to competition. And, we know it to not be true at all … yet we continue. We keep highlighting it, writing about it in the papers, and covering it on the tv. We glorify success while making failure the villain. Those that truly compete don’t follow the rules. They are preparing then testing, preparing then testing, preparing then testing. The result still holds feelings of excitement or disappointment, but only in the moment. They are not ruled by their emotions connected to the perceived good or bad. They are experimenters, constantly challenging their current state, free from the entitlement of success or the embarrassment of failure. It’s a beautiful thing. REAL TALK - Action Steps Helping those we lead become better competitors is just as much within our responsibilities as any other skill would be. A healthy relationship with competition is the goal, not an elimination of it.
I love to watch people that compete, freely and ferociously. Their experimental mindset is inspiring and challenges me to continue competing in my life. They don’t need a prize or pat on the back. They just compete because it’s who they are. They compete because. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Suppressing SuccessCall it humility if you want. Though it’s certainly a part of it, I don’t think it completely explains it.
Call it drive maybe. The desire to be your very best is a piece, but clearly not the whole thing. About eight years ago I’m driving home from a basketball game with my son Gabe, who was about nine years old at the time. It was about 10:30pm and my phone rings, it’s Joey Weingartner, the starting point guard for our team. Joey’s call was direct and to the point: “What’s up Coach? What time will the gym be open in the morning?” Joey wanting to be in the gym in the morning wasn’t a surprise. Afterall, he is the founding father of our basketball Breakfast Club - a group of around twenty players that arrive at 6am every morning before school to work on their game. When the Breakfast Club started we had one, Joey. In any case, his question made me smile. Players usually want to get back into the gym when they didn’t play well. That wasn’t the case on that night. Joey had been great. He controlled the game as the point guard and led us to a win over our local rival with 28 points. As a coach’s son, you have a lot of big brothers. Joey was definitely one of the guys Gabe always looked up to. Before I could hang up, Gabe hit me with questions. “Was that Joey? What’d he want?” I told him it was Joey and what he wanted. Gabe’s response was well accepted in society: “Why? He had 28 tonight.” I said, “Maybe that’s why.” I wasn’t sure if Gabe was old enough to understand, he did. (see last week’s post - The Overheard) Joey wanted to get back in the gym after success. That marks a transition to a different, higher level. Why Should We Care? Society defines success by the outcomes we achieve - money, job titles, wins, cars, awards, etc. Society also tells us that when we are receiving the outcomes of success, progress isn’t as important. We have what we want, we know what we’re doing, why would change still be needed? If excellence is really the pursuit, then there is a desperate need to suppress success - specifically, societal success - in order to see what really matters: The process that led you there. Both those pursuing success and those pursuing excellence travel along the same narrow path for a while. There simply aren’t that many options if you want to be really, really good at something. Excellence, however, requires a longer, never-ending track on a trail only you can see. Success is only available to the few, while excellence is there for anyone willing to create their path. REAL TALK - Action Steps The suppression of success is a little delicate. We want to celebrate our small victories without becoming complacent. We want to enjoy the moment without becoming lost in it. Here are a few ideas to help you suppress success while appreciating the process.
For Joey, the 28 points wasn’t the success nor was the win. His success was found in the process he chose to embrace, not the outcome. By identifying his process as his success he knows exactly where to return after scoring 28 points or 2 points, after winning by 1 or losing by 20. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The OverheardA good friend of mine shared a quote from CS Lewis with me recently that very much applies to leadership, coaching, and parenting:
“The gospel will not be heard. It must be overheard.” We know this to be true for ourselves. We would much rather test advice given to a friend than follow the directive that is meant solely for us. Afterall, that places us in a position of weakness, of following and obeying. We’re too proud to just simply take orders. Often we would simply rather continue down the wrong path than be corrected directly. However, if we hear good advice meant for another, we are much more likely to act on that for one simple reason: we maintain control. Rather than being subordinate, we are now choosing to follow this new advice. We can take the time to consider it, without the pressure of an order. This consideration goes a long way in not only accepting the idea, but continuing it in the future. Why Should We Care? As a parent, we are probably more aware of this reality. How many times have we watched a toddler mimic exactly what a parent or sibling has done? No one told them to do it, they just ‘overheard’ it and acted on it. This occurs in the workplace far more than we would like to admit. The struggle for us, of course, is that what is overheard is often counter to our leadership efforts. Maybe we are complaining or defending a decision we made or maybe we’re attempting to justify a bold move we took that others are questioning. Regardless, the conversations others overhear are not typically beneficial to our leadership impact. To be clear, I’m referring to ‘overheard’ as something we do with our ears and our eyes. The things we have watched other leaders do when they didn’t know we were watching are some of the most important leadership lessons we have ever learned. I ‘overheard’ my dad get up for work everyday - sick, hurt, sad - didn’t matter. He got up and went to work. He didn’t complain. That was significant in shaping my life and me into the person I want to be. He never told me how important it was to be on time and dependable, he just did it. I ‘overheard’ his actions. That was more valuable to me than one hundred lectures on the subject. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few areas to consider when reflecting on what those that overhear you are hearing.
So, what do people overhear you saying? What do they see you doing? If we truly value our impact we will pay much more attention to what others ‘overhear’ us saying and doing with the understanding that this may be the most impactful aspect of our leadership footprint. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help! |
About bcI'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms. Archives
March 2022
Categories |
RSS Feed