 Go Play“Go play.”
It was parenting 101 in the ‘80s, and my parents were well versed in it. So we played. And, it didn’t matter what we played. Of course, we played sports like football, basketball, baseball, and kickball. But, we also played some non-conventional games like tag, jump over the creek, rocks on the roof, bike races, hide and seek, and a hundred other made up games. This desire to just ‘play’ is something I still enjoy today. I’m not as enamored by basketball, for example, as I am about the continued opportunity to try, fail … to compete - sometimes against others, but often against myself. Why Should We Care? The game isn’t the point. The competition isn’t even the point. In leadership we often hear young people advised to chase their passion. While I understand this advice, there are inherent problems with it. The primary issue is that most people think of their passion as a thing they do like a sport, a profession, or a hobby. Passion isn’t a thing you do. Passion is an emotion evoked by the thought or action of doing something. Passion is much more about how you do something rather than what you are doing. Passion is entrenched in the process, not the game or the result. As leaders we need to begin helping people discover the process that produces their passion. If for no other reason than passion casts out fear. When passion is present our concern with failing, being embarrassed, or not being enough are gone. Consider the example of play. Those concerns don’t even exist under the pretense of play. They simply become an aspect of play that are not only accepted, but enjoyed and embraced. REAL TALK - Action Steps Play brings about passion. Finding a process beyond play that inspires passion is more challenging. It requires reflection and self-awareness along with a lot of trial and error. It’s well worth the struggle.
When we love the process we are undertaking we will endure immense struggle in order to simply keep doing it. No reward needed. The process and the passion are the reward. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!
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 I Doubt ItWhen my son, Gabe, found out he was going to be trying out for his first AAU basketball team, he was excited. When he found out the team was the North Coast Blue Chips he was nervous. The Blue Chips were Bronny James’ team. His dad, LeBron, had just relocated to Cleveland so they were creating a team in Ohio for Bronny to be able to compete.
Gabe loved basketball, but had never played competitive basketball. He had been in the gym with me for practices almost everyday. He had spent hours in the basement or in our driveway improving his skills, but had really only played one year of organized basketball. As a ten year old, Gabe was already dedicated to getting better. He practiced everyday, usually spending a few hours each day practicing the game he loves. Upon learning of the tryout opportunity in front of him, Gabe - not mom or dad - bumped that up to 3-4 hours each day. He was obsessed about being as good as he could be at the tryout. He knew he had worked hard to that point, harder than probably 95% of kids his age. Yet, it wasn’t the confidence from his previous work that pushed him to double down on his commitment. It was the doubt that he wasn’t good enough to make the team. Why Should We Care? We often think that our work and drive to excel is rooted in our purpose and our belief in ourselves. Remember, you can be anything you want to be according to your mom and dad. But the truth is that our drive isn’t nearly as connected to our confidence as it is our fears. Gabe wasn’t driven to work three to four hours per day because he knew could be great. He was willing to put that type of work in because he was afraid he wasn’t good enough. The same is likely true for the hardest workers on your team. Those driven to work are fueled far more by doubt than they are by confidence. They are on a constant mission to prove themselves, unsure if they are good enough. This uncertainty provides the tightrope anyone seeking excellence must walk. Too much doubt and we are crippled by a lack of confidence that leaves us unable to perform. Too little doubt and we become over confident and soon begin to lack the value of the work we once put in. Some reflection will lead you to the same discovery. Those times when you went all in, gave every last thing you had, were usually times you weren’t sure you could get the job done. Doubt was present and you needed to do everything you could to give yourself a chance. And, when you came through, confidence and belief grew. Fulfillment was experienced. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few ways to maintain a healthy level of doubt in your pursuit of excellence.
Doubt is so often viewed as a negative thought, but like virtually everything, it is what you make of it. It’s not the thought of doubt that matters, but our response to it. With an underlying faith that we will persist and find a way, doubt can provide the very motivation for your foundation of work. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Simple Is Not SimpleThe offensive anchors for our basketball program are “Simple & Together”.
Together is fairly straightforward. It addresses areas such as sharing the ball, making the extra pass to the open man, being a good teammate, doing your job on every possession, and helping teammates by screening and cutting. Most players understand this aspect rather quickly. The other tenant, simple, is much more difficult for players to understand and execute. And, I don’t think this is relegated to basketball. I see it in teams in all aspects of society. Simplicity is one of the most misunderstood and undervalued concepts we entertain. Why Should We Care? Simplicity requires understanding. “Before I studied the art, a punch was just like a punch, a kick just like a kick. After I learned the art, a punch was no longer a punch, a kick no longer a kick. Now that I’ve understood the art, a punch is just like a punch, a kick just like a kick. The height of cultivation is really nothing special. It is merely simplicity; the ability to express the utmost with the minimum.” - Bruce Lee It’s a fascinating paradox. The more we learn about something, the more we realize we don’t know. This stands in stark contrast to the YouTube phenomena in which everyone thinks they can just watch a five minute video and know everything there is to know on a specific subject. It’s simply not true. Some of the most toxic situations on a team occur when confident unknowledgeable people become the loudest, and most persistent, voice. Simplicity requires embracing the mundane. No matter how you dress it up, the simple things are never sexy. It’s exactly what makes them simple. One of the most significant mistakes we make as leaders is gradually lessening the emphasis we place on the simple things as the stakes get higher. Every accomplishment we experience is rooted in the same simple, mundane actions that we initially embraced when we started. It’s the persistence of those mundane actions that drive our success - not the lone win, the news headlines, or the SportsCenter play. Simplicity requires patience. The whole idea of delayed gratification seems like a foreign concept nowadays. Something our forefathers might of had to adhere to, but we get to skip over. This is not the case for simplicity. The riches that come from simplicity are a slow burn. Slow enough that most give up on it just before they begin to see the benefit of it. It’s the daily, boring, forgettable work that few see and even fewer value appropriately. REAL TALK - Action Steps We have so many demands, commitments, and deadlines pulling us in various directions that it’s difficult to stay focused on what is most important. Here are few ideas to assist in staying on the path of simplicity.
The daily, boring, forgettable work that few see and even fewer value is actually the straw that stirs the drink. We lead to help others be the best versions of themselves, to help them achieve things they didn’t think was possible. If that’s truly the case, we should double down on our emphasis on the simple. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The Leadership PendulumWe’ve all been in the grocery story with the parent that has no control over a single child under his watch. This tiny menace is typically grabbing things off the shelf, invading the space of strangers, and can often be found throwing a temper tantrum at the first sign of things not going the exact way his four year old mind thinks it should. It’s brutal to watch.
We’ve all also been in a store with the parent that corrects, loudly and publicly, the slightest contrary act of their child. There is no sign of menacing behavior, many times we wonder if the child is allowed to make any decisions on their own or if they can do anything that would be viewed as ‘right’ by their adult. This is equally brutal to watch. The accommodator and the commander represent the two extremes of the leadership pendulum. A pendulum we must be intentional to control. Why Should We Care Too accommodating and we rob those we are leading of the struggle necessary to grow. In an effort to relieve immediate pain, we are unknowingly choosing to restrict long-term potential. The coddling and pacifying only sooth your need for comfort. It helps no one. Oddly enough, consistent commanding does much of the same thing. By assuming absolute control, we fail to allow those we lead to take risks, make mistakes, and come up short - or succeed beyond our expectations. This desire to direct every movement is our egotistical claim that we know best. Again, we are attempting to avoid the struggle necessary for growth. Again, to sooth our need for comfort. To be clear, both extremes have a place in which they are the perfect approach to leading, though it’s not often. Like most things, the best answer for most people is typically somewhere in between. Choosing which to use when is much of the art of leadership. That choice, which is a big one. One you should consider carefully. Also, one that requires a significant level of self-awareness. Self-awareness is clearly a superpower - as you interact with people you quickly realize the number of people that are truly self-aware and the people that can fly aren’t far apart. Yet it’s so critical for our development as leaders, and people. Self-awareness precedes every change we make in our lives. Progress is virtually impossible without it. Yet, so many of our routines and interests pull us further and further from the actualization to move us forward. Self-awareness isn’t an optional trait for leaders pursuing excellence. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few questions to consider when trying to decide how you will best lead yourself and others. Our answers to these questions will be significant in identifying where we fall on the leadership pendulum between accommodating and commanding. Think about them. Write down your answers. *Questions are from Joe Ehrmann’s book InsideOut Coaching.
The leadership pendulum isn’t really a thing, but it serves as a great metaphor to prompt some self reflection that increases your awareness. Once aware, we can choose. Until then we will remain a victim of our circumstances and at the mercy of those around us. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Blue Chip ReflectionsWe just spent last weekend with the North Coast Blue Chips.
The Blue Chips were a national sensation in the grassroots basketball world from the fall of 2015 through the summer of 2019. The team was composed of eleven year old boys, including Bronny James, LeBron James’ son. Like most youth basketball teams, players came and went but the three that lasted from start to finish were: Bronny, Khoi Thurman, and our son, Gabe. Reflecting on Gabe’s time with the Blue Chips, reminded me of a few important leadership lessons that have been beneficial numerous times since. Here are a few of them.
There are plenty more great memories that were brought back to the surface last weekend with the Blue Chip reunion. Hopefully this message will spurn you to take the time to reflect on some of your own past experiences and the lessons that have stayed with you from them, while also realizing you are currently in the midst of experiences now that will provide you with future guidance in the years to come. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Attached MeaningMy dad’s father was an abusive alcoholic. My dad is not.
As a matter of fact, I can’t remember my grandpa sober. And, I can’t remember my dad having a drink. The cyclical nature of our family habits and the desire to replicate a familiar environment is a powerful force in our decision making process. It’s often an overwhelming force that provides meaning and identity, regardless of whether it’s a positive force or a negative one. I’m an alcoholic because my dad was. I never drink because my dad was an alcoholic. Both paths originate from the same trailhead. The meaning we attach to the experience will determine the path we choose. This applies far beyond our family habits. Why Should We Care? One of the most interesting aspects of coaching is the opportunity to have a first hand view of how people handle failure and adversity. A player that appears confident and determined can be sent into a full tailspin by a seemingly innocuous setback. While the next player is completely unfazed by it, or better yet, doesn’t even view it as a failure at all. The same is true for success. A little taste of success for some will spur them to continue striving and excelling while it leads to complacency and laziness in others. It all depends on the meaning we attach to the experience. Failure could be simply to evaluate, adjust, and improve the next time. It could expose a deficiency that needed light shed on it. Failure may just mean we aren’t there yet. The ‘yet’ is important. Or, failure could mean you aren’t who you thought you were. Your identity as a success is in jeopardy. It could mean that not only was what you did not good enough, you might not be good enough. The ability to be aware of the meaning we attach to events critical at a daily operational level for leaders as well. When a team member is late for work, what meaning do you attach to their reason or excuse? When one of your kids doesn’t work as hard as you think they should, what story do you tell yourself? When you don’t follow through on something at the level you want to, what is your inner dialogue? We choose the meaning we attach. Do it with intention and purpose. REAL TALK - Action Steps Indifferent and reactionary are our two deferred modes of operation in most of life. The only way it’s not is if we first become aware of the opportunity to attach the meaning of our choice. Here are few ideas that I hope help with that process:
The meaning we attach to life’s events not only shape our story about ourselves, but also our story about others. Indifference will not cut it. Awareness and intentional action is the only way to make the meaning you attach work for you, rather than against you. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Survive and RegressThe difference between a player trying to just get through, or survive, a workout in the weightroom and a player embracing, or attacking, a workout in the weightroom is significant.
The difference is apparent in the approach, as well as in the outcome. Those surviving rarely challenge themselves with heavy weight or additional reps. They push themselves to the edge of their comfort, which is typically light years below the standards of the team. Survivors persist to the point of acceptance, never beyond it. They look for excuses they can’t, rather than reasons they can. They think they’re advancing by surviving, but they’re not. All you need for proof is to watch a fighter, the opposite of a survivor. A fighter seeks out discomfort, knowing that the littering of failure is the only way to the level of performance he is aspiring to. The fighter is the standard bearer. He raises it consistently. You are more likely to have to make a fighter stop than you are to catch him skipping a rep or an exercise in search of relief. They are dismissing excuses they can’t and only accepting reasons they can. The outcome is just as different as those two approaches. Why Should We Care? Surviving as a leader yields us the same results. Allowing our team members to simply survive will do the same. Just as excellence leaves clues, so does surviving. Leaders that are surviving are only present. That may sound like a good thing, but only living in the present doesn’t allow us to honor the past or prepare for the future. A leader that is surviving has no concern for the future or use for the past. Cutting corners, just meeting deadlines, and doing the minimum all make sense if survival is the objective. Team members relegated to survival often disconnect, are the last to arrive and first to leave, and rarely engage in meaningful conversations around the team. They raise silos around themselves, robbing the group of needed trust, and never fully commit to the group. REAL TALK - Action Steps Surviving may be necessary in moments, but it can never serve as a sustainable approach. As one of my close friends reminds his captains: “You can be bad, but you can’t be bad often.” The same can be said for surviving. Here are a few ideas for helping yourself, or your team, stay out of survival mode.
Survival mode really only helps us do that, survive. We can’t progress, and we certainly can’t excel. If we’re not growing, we’re dying. If we’re just surviving, we’re regressing. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Shadow WorkIn his book, Falling Upward, Richard Rohr defines ‘shadow work’ as “what you refuse to see about yourself, and what you do not want others to see”. He is referencing the required self-understanding necessary to transition from the first half of life, which he calls your false self, to the second half of life, your true self. Rohr’s stance is that no one ever truly enters into the second half without the necessary ‘shadow work’.
The same is true in our leadership. Replication is always the initial stage, which is ok. It gives us a foundational base to build upon. Of course, some of our bases are bigger, stronger, and simply better than others. That’s ok too. It may impact our initial effectiveness, but has little to do with our long term influence as a leader. What does impact our long term influence, however, is our ‘shadow work’. Why Should We Care? Naturally we all have areas we can improve, those weaknesses may shed a little light on our shadow but they never encompass the whole thing. Our shadow is much more than our shortcomings. Our ‘shadow work’ is more about how, rather than what. Most of us focus on whats - things we do or don’t do when addressing areas of improvement. The how of our leadership is a little more personal and harder to accept criticism on. We do anything the way we do it for one of two reasons: either we’ve never intentionally thought about how we do it, we are still just copying how it was demonstrated to us or we’ve intentionally chosen the way we do it and feel it is the best way. Both approaches are held in high esteem in our minds, neither readily open to change. If we haven’t considered our approach, then we are typically very comfortable doing it the way we do it. And, as you know, comfort isn’t something we shrug off easily. ‘Shadow work’ is uncomfortable. If we have intentionally chosen how we do it, then clearly we have a belief in that approach that will confront criticism with skepticism at best, full denial at worst. REAL TALK - Action Steps “Shadow work” as it pertains to leadership isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s also not for transactional and dictator style leadership. It is for transformational leaders aspiring to be completely authentic and maximizes their impact on those they lead. Below are a few ideas on getting started on that process.
We all have shadows to work on. The sooner we figure out what they are and do the work to improve them, the sooner our impact on those we lead will expand. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Our FilterA friend of mine recently asked me for advice on an important decision he had to make. There were plenty of pros and cons to both sides of the decision and he was struggling to make a decision he could have confidence in.
I don’t think his situation is uncommon. I know I’ve found myself searching for the ‘right’ answer in similar situations many times. I would think you can relate as well. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a filter, or special lens, to run these types of decisions through? Something that allows you to scrape away all of the stuff that doesn't really matter so you can focus more clearly on the few things that do? That would have to simplify the process significantly, right? Your core values are that filter. Why Should We Care? Success breeds success, that is, of course, until it doesn’t. I’m sure you are familiar with a number of companies, teams, or individuals that have experienced great success only to see a quick, drastic decline in performance. Complacency or a loss of focus on the specific mission at hand are the typical culprits. Nonetheless, sustaining success requires something more than creating it in the first place and involves a transition to something success can never be - excellence. Excellence can be sustained because it is central to us, not others. Success is simply feedback when we are held up and compared to another. If we’re using success as our gauge in decision making, which most people do, then our checkpoints fluctuate with what provides the best opportunity to win. There’s no consistency, and certainly no simplicity. The possibilities to consider are endless. Since excellence is specific to each of us, the things we truly have to consider in any decision making process becomes limited quickly. Our core values provide our guide to excellence. Each decision we make with our core values as our filter, enhances our level of excellence. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few questions to consider around your core values the next time you have an impactful decision to be made.
We often find ourselves searching for guidance and answers with every significant decision we make. That doesn’t need to be the case. Allow your values to be your guard rails and you will not only gain clarity, but you will also grow your integrity and confidence by living into the person you want to be. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Owning Your IdentityLet’s start here:
Do what you say you’re going to do. Seems simple enough … apparently it is not. There are two facets to this aspect of integrity: the things we tell others and the things we tell ourselves. Both are important, but neither seem to be all that valued any more. Once upon a time, not doing what you said you were going to do wasn’t something we shrugged off with an “oh well, I forgot” or dismissed completely with a half-hearted, “my bad”. At one time the failure to follow through on your word simply made you a liar. There was no softening of the accusation and no excuse to dismiss you from responsibility. You were your action (spoiler alert … this hasn’t changed). The lies we tell others damages the confidence others have in us. The lies we tell ourselves damages the confidence we have in us. Each one of those New Year’s resolutions we make and quit on, each attempt at dieting that we start with great intentions only to bail out on come the weekend, and each time we swear to ourselves that it’s the last time we allow someone to treat us like that … each one of those failures to follow through on our word to ourselves, is another blow to our personal integrity. The lies to ourselves are just as damaging as the lies to others. Why Should We Care? Here’s the thing: you are what you DO. You aren’t what you say. You aren’t what you say you are. You are what you DO. You aren’t what you did. You aren’t what you say you’re going to do. You are what you DO. Your ethos is in your actions, not your words. That will not change, ever. Your integrity is dependent on doing what you say you’re going to do. Other’s belief in you hinges on your willingness to do what you say. Your belief in yourself is being lifted or dampened with each of these seemingly innocent choices as well. Recognizing that it is simply a choice is significant. We are not victims of circumstance. REAL TALK - Action Steps Our integrity is how well we are living to our values. I’m assuming most don’t have dishonesty as a core value. Intentionality is a must, but here are a few other ideas to help maintain our integrity as it pertains to following through on your word.
Doing what you say you’re going to do seems like a really simple ask. For those in your inner circle, I hope that’s the case. For all those you lead, I’m sure it’s not. It’s our responsibility to help them understand the significance of their follow through on their self-image and impact with others. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help! |
About bcI'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms. Archives
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