 Respect: It's All Or NothingRespect is defined as the due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others; per my quick Google search. I think we can agree that’s a pretty accurate description of respect.
Notice it says “due regard”, not ‘mostly regard’, or ‘kinda-sometimes regard’. There is no gray area, no fringe, levels of respect. You either respect someone, or something, or you don’t. In regards to leadership, let’s focus on two subjects for which our respect is required: All people and our process. All people, as in, all of them. Not just the ones on your team. Not just the ones you like. Not just the ones that agree with you. And, not just the ones that can help you get what you want. All of them. Your process, as in, how you go about doing what you do. Your process is something you get to choose. Choose wisely, then respect it. Don’t waiver or go half in on the process you decided was best. Either fully commit or decommit. Respect your process or change it, then respect that one. Why Should We Care? There may not be a more accurate warning than the observation about someone that’s rude to the waiter. If you are rude to the waiter, then you’re rude. Arguments and justifications can range from far fetches to understandable rational. None of them make it ok because respect isn’t something that has to be earned. Respect is something we choose to give. In leadership, we should choose to give it freely. It’s not a limited commodity. Respect is something everyone is deserving of just because … because that’s how you treat people. When we start respecting some people, but not respecting others we quickly jeopardize any trust we have established with our team. That’s unstable ground on which to grow your team and impact. Instead of thinking about the true purpose and mission of the group, people lose their sense of safety and begin protecting themselves. Excellence isn’t attainable without the vulnerability, and fallibility, needed to truly go for it. And, then there is the matter of respecting the process. Partial commitment to the process is no commitment to the process. We like the process when it leads quickly to the results we desire. We like the process when it helps us fit in and feel like we belong. We like the process when it doesn’t require grave amounts of discomfort. The process is awesome in the middle. The extremes is where we struggle to maintain a respect for the process. Success belittles it and failure deems it incompetent. Of course, neither are true, but you can’t tell us when things are going really well, or really poorly. How quickly we dismiss the very process that led us to the height of our success or the necessary adversity we inevitably face before reaching that higher ground. REAL TALK - Action Steps Respect is a value most people aspire to have. Few people desire to be disrespectful. The growing problem is people’s lack of awareness in regards to what respect looks like in action. Disrespectful behavior has become accepted far too much. Here are a few ways respect can be displayed in all aspects of life.
Respect is an absolute behavior. You either are, or you aren’t. There is no replacing it in leadership or life. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!
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 Be ThankfulI have four core values that I try to live my life by. I believe living these values daily allow me to be my authentic, true self - the person I was meant to be. I found, not created, them in a time I was struggling with the gap between the person I was and the person I wanted to be. I’m grateful for the adversity that led me to that awareness.
My other values are tough, passionate, and unified. Each originated as an aspirational value, something I wasn’t yet, but wanted to be. I found them by looking at the people in my life that I admired. Afterall, just like there are reasons I don’t want to be around someone, there are also things about people that draw me to them. Many times, the values we see in others that we admire is this magnet. We have an inner desire to be with people that value the same things that we value. As I looked at the people in my life, thankfulness or gratitude quickly rose to the surface as something I wanted to embody. And, my mom was the standard bearer for thankfulness in my life. Why Should We Care? For each of my core values I created behaviors to accompany them. The behaviors allow the values to come to life, for me to live them daily. My behavior for thankfulness is to show love. As I reflected on why I connected thankfulness to my mom, one thing stood out: she always showed it. Whether it was getting up at 5:30am to fix my breakfast before school or bringing home my favorite snack from the grocery, she consistently showed me that she loved me by doing. Her selflessness and willingness to go out of her way expressed one thing over and over: I love you. Of course, she still says it at the end of a phone call or as we are leaving her house but the thoughtful actions when I wasn’t with her to let me know that she’s still thinking about me is what truly communicated her gratitude for me. In addition, my mom only has great days. Her positive attitude and outlook on life are inspiring. Of course, I know they aren’t all great but she refuses to bog your life down with complaints or a bad attitude. She’s always thankful. REAL TALK - Action Steps Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It’s not polluted with the need to give or receive gifts, just an opportunity to share time and appreciation for people you love. Here are a few thoughts our team had on what Thankful looks like in action.
The most important thing I’ve taken from my mom in regards to thankfulness is that we have to express it. Gratitude not expressed is like an unopened gift. We need to share it and allow it to lift others. We will never fully comprehend the potential ripple effects of one “Thank you.” For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Be Like SaltGrowing up in the country with a southern grandma living right beside us, Sunday lunches were something of an event each week. My grandma would get up early in the morning and immediately begin cooking. Fried potatoes, green beans, ham, gravy and biscuits, grits, pancakes, mush … you name it and we had it on Sunday afternoons. She cooked it all and she loved every minute of it. I’m pretty sure cooking food for her family was her love language, if that’s a thing. All of our family in the area would come to Granny’s house to eat lunch just about every week. Occasionally, the rest of the family would be busy so it would just be us - my mom, dad, and brother. That had no impact on the quantity of food she fixed.
Now, as a southern grandma, taste always trumped nutrition. Salt was always something that was used graciously. Pretty much anything tasted better with salt, a fact not neglected by Granny. The salt shaker at my mom and dad’s house is still the size of a soup can with a handle. Mom is gracious with the salt as well. I enjoy salt on most things, but over the years I have realized some things can be over salted or may even not require any salt at all. It just depends. Why Should We Care? Leadership is much the same way. The best leaders know just the right amount of salt to apply. Too much salt and you become a micromanager that doesn’t foster growth in the people you lead. Overbearing and controlling creates overbearing and controlling. Leadership requires the opportunity to fail and try again. Dowsing the situation with salt simply covers up the mistake and while we may be able to get it down, we’ve learned nothing about how to get it right the next time. That’s the problem with overbearing and controlling, you have to keep doing it - forever. Not enough salt isn’t any good either. We are left wondering ‘what could have been’. This is particularly frustrating to those pursuing excellence. They want growth and development more than anything. An absent leader fails to provide the structure and support to help move those excellence seekers forward. They will, rather quickly, move on and you will be left with people content with mediocrity. Now, just the right amount of salt is amazing. It’s perfect. It keeps us coming back for more. As leaders, when we apply just the right amount of salt our people feel safe, appreciated, and vital to our mission. They bring their best self, and work, to the team each day out of duty and love for what they’re doing. Oh, and as the leader, you are always responsible for the amount of salt added. Too much salt, it’s your fault. Not enough salt, it’s your fault. Just the right amount of salt … your team did that, you don’t even exist. REAL TALK - Action Steps Granny used salt liberally, but she always seemed to get it just right. Here’s a few ideas on helping you do the same.
The other thing about the perfect amount of salt, no one notices it. As is the case with great leadership, it operates behind the scenes and goes unnoticed as if it’s not there at all. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Prisoners of the MomentIt’s so easy isn’t it?
To be caught up in the whirlwind of success or the misery of failure. Both stunt progress and impede growth. It really can be debilitating from either direction. Success has a knack for convincing us that we’ve arrived, that we’re good enough. It jumps at the slightest opportunity to flatter us into becoming impressed with ourselves. Justifying that we could accomplish the same things with just a little less work, a little less struggle is the very description of complacency. Then, we wonder what happened? Where our warm and fuzzy success went. It’s still in the exact same place we left it. Failure shows us the other side of the coin. It points us to the futility of the work we’ve invested. Failure begs for excuses to soothe the ego that wants to be impressed by itself. We rationalize all the obstacles we have that others aren’t encumbered by. And, we begin to lower the standards of expectation to the point that we no longer feel the pain of failure. Good enough, begins to be our calling card. Why Should We Care? You know who is really good at not being a prisoner of the moment? Little kids and dogs. Little kids just play. No fear of embarrassment or failure and no expectation of making this crayon drawing their life’s work. They are rebels in the best sense of the word. They are unfazed with failure. Just consider the number of times a child learning to walk falls down and gets back up. At no point does he ever say, “Eh, maybe this walking thing just isn’t for me.” Kids treat success in a similar fashion. They never try to reduce their effort to the minimum necessary to accomplish the task. No way. It’s all out or nothing. Check out the kindergartner coming in from recess dripped in sweat with a hole in the knees of his pants. Less than all he had was never an option. I love dogs and much of it is for this reason. They’re never prisoners of the moment. They don’t acknowledge failure and are blind to success. Our basset hound is as detached from the approval of others as any thing on the planet. It makes me smile. And we adults think we’re the sophisticated ones … REAL TALK - Action Steps Avoiding the trap of becoming a prisoner of the moment is simple, but not easy. We’ve been trained for a long time to be victims of success and failure. A mindshift is needed badly.
We want to be present. That’s when we’re at our best. However, our ability to immediately move to the next present moment will determine our lot in life. Leaders understand that life is a series of present moments and staying in any single one limits our ability to be our best. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  You Can Hear, But Do You Listen?Yes, it has become an ability, a skill, a talent.
Hearing is innate for most. Listening is not. Hearing is “the process, function or power of perceiving a sound.” Listening is defined as “to hear something with thoughtful attention.” Clearly our society is lacking in its ability to listen. You can even leave out the ‘thoughtful’ aspect of the definition. We rarely have any attention. Why Should We Care? As a teacher and coach, I’ve noticed a considerable decrease in people’s ability to follow simple directions. And, if the directions happen to require multiple steps or extended time between actions … forget about it. The inability to consistently listen leads one to a few additional questions: Why and what else? Why don’t we listen? Are we too busy? Do we have too many things begging for our attention - other people, social media notifications, duties and jobs? Do we just not care? All are potential answers at different times I’m sure, but I don’t subscribe to any of them in their entirety. I think our desire, willingness, and appreciation for the details is declining rapidly. Combine that with a growing focus on ourselves, rather than others and you can easily see why the inability, even unwillingness, to listen is thriving. We’re quicker than ever to judge and dismiss the thoughts, opinions, and ideas of others. Besides, why would we listen when we already know. This also points to the next question, what else? What else are we not paying attention to? What else doesn’t matter? What else do we gloss over as if it were never said? If we can’t execute one simple direction, what are the chances we can execute on multiple ones when time is of the essence and our performance depends on it. Not good I’m afraid. As a leader, our ability to listen is paramount to our impact. We can’t expect to garner trust without the genuine desire to listen and understand the people on our team. It’s not a leap to proclaim the ability to listen as the most important skill of a leader. If you work in isolation, there are a lot of skills that could trump listening’s importance. But, you don’t work alone - no one does. Therefore, the ability to listen is paramount. REAL TALK - Action Steps Improving our listening skills isn’t an easy endeavor to undertake. It requires very intentional actions mentally in order to gain the proper perspective when interacting with your team.
Listening as the most important skill of a leader … seems too simple, doesn’t it? There are a lot of things important for excellent leaders to do and the argument can be made for a vast number of other attributes. But, don’t dismiss listening casually due to its simplicity. That’s where excellence resides. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Fail In PublicSports are great until they’re not.
They’re not so great when egotism and selfishness are recognized and rewarded. They’re not so great when laziness and talent beat hard work and discipline. They’re not so great when everyone gets a trophy or when the trophy is all anyone cares about. But, when they’re great, they’re really great. Simply performing in public presents us with an important decision - will we hold back, play it safe, and try to control the outcome or will we let it go, take the risks that come with excellence, and surrender the outcome? It’s a big decision. A lot is at stake. When you fail in public you are presented with a choice between character and compromise. When you succeed in public you are presented with the same choice. Why Should We Care? As a high school basketball coach, my failures are always public. There is nowhere to hide and no one to blame. I’m constantly presented with the character or compromise dilemma. I’ve had a lot of reps. Unfortunately, I don’t always choose character. Fortunately, I’m going to keep getting better. At this point in society, sports are viewed as just about anything but what they were intended for. Having been engulfed in youth sports the last ten years, the number of times I’ve heard “It’s all about getting that scholarship” or “It’s about getting recognized” or “It’s about respect” or “It’s about getting mine” is absurd. I don’t know that this mindset has become the majority, but it has definitely become the loudest. Better people make better players, better teams AND better husbands, parents, and citizens. While we are consumed getting scholarships or earning our respect, we’re missing out on massive opportunities for personal growth and development. As always, the purpose colors the how. Then you have the “It’s all about having fun” or “We’re all winners” crowd. While I think this philosophy is an attempt to negate the over-the-top approach mentioned previously, I don’t believe it serves young people well either. Fun is important. Winning is more fun than losing - I’ve tested both sides of this extensively. What we should focus on is establishing where the feeling, or emotion, we call ‘fun’ comes from. At times this is laughing, playing, and having a carefree time with friends. Adults have removed this aspect from youth sports by taking control of organizing, running, and monopolizing youth leagues. This type of fun still thrives if you can find a pickup or backyard game to jump into. A different perspective on fun that still has the ability to thrive in the current world of youth sports is through fulfillment. People enjoy progress. They like to work hard at something and see improvement. Whether this results in wins or losses matters in the moment but not in the long term. According to Angela Duckworth, renowned researcher and author, grit is the biggest indicator of future success. Youth sports offer a virtually unlimited number of opportunities for grit to be developed. REAL TALK - Action Steps Failing in public is a scary proposition. One a lot of people shy away from or avoid all together. Here are a few thoughts on fostering the maximum possible growth in your arena.
When there is no place to hide, quickly recovering from minor setbacks are paramount. We put our best foot forward for ourselves, and our team, when we maintain perspective, focus on the response, and define success on our terms. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Let Others Say ItThere is this growing trend for athletes to post their highlights following a game. Technology has certainly made it easier as many of the filming programs that teams use filter all the clips by athlete. Doing so increases the ease for athletes to share their highlights, resulting in additional clicks and engagement for the media company. It’s clearly a “win” for them.
For the athletes, it provides evidence of their talent; which, with the combination of social media, allows this talent to be broadcast to all followers and willing clickers. No longer do fans and scouts have to see an athlete in person to appreciate their talent, now it’s there for the world to see minutes after the game ends. In years past, athletes would claim, and rightly so at times, that they were missed for college and professional opportunities because no one knew about them. Well, the days of being missed are all but over. This heightened awareness seems like a good thing - for athletes, corporate workers, everyone really. And, I’m not here to tell you it’s all bad. However, I do think it carries a dangerous side effect that we are becoming too comfortable with. Why Should We Care? Here’s the biggest issue: It defies humility. There are a lot of things that go into making and performing on a team, most of which can be tinkered with to some extent. Humility is not one of them. There is nothing more important when it comes to teamwork than the humility of the team members. Talent may put a limit on your potential, but a lack of humility will destroy your efforts entirely. The concern is that this lack of humility is being encouraged. People are being instructed to not only self-advocate, but self-promote in these situations. I believe you should have confidence in yourself, sure that you are more than capable of getting the job done. That’s exactly how you should feel if you have prepared and put in the necessary work. It’s not confidence when you talk about it after the fact. That’s called boasting or bragging or any number of other bravados … but it’s not confidence. Being a self-advocate means communicating your interests, desires, and rights. Self-advocating is not the same as self-promotion. When you are self-promoting, there’s something really important that you aren’t doing: Team-promoting. It’s possible to do both at the same time, but that’s not what is going on here. When you are on a team and self-promoting, you are actually driving the team further apart - not pulling it together. REAL TALK - Action Steps So what do you do? You perform well. You want to share it. Here are a few ideas to help.
Arrogance is like termites in the foundation of a house. It will destroy it from the inside out. Competitors like to think of themselves as lions, kings of the jungle. The analogy isn’t a bad one. Strong, powerful, asserting their will on everyone and everything around them. Just remember, real lions never roar after the kill. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  Shared EgoThe art of leadership is blending the personalities, strengths, and egos of all team members into a cohesive unit. Of course, there are plenty of scientific and tactical steps that help us on this path. Many are very useful, but if you are averse to the messiness of the artistic side of leadership then it’s probably best to avoid it all together.
Leadership is not neat or clean. As a matter of fact, if it is neat and clean then your team is likely faking it. It’s easy to accept it because we want to. We want it to be clean. We want it to be easy. It’s not. It’s never going to be. And, that’s good news. The good stuff is never neat and clean. And, they’re definitely not easy. Why Should We Care? Every member of your team arrives with baggage. We don’t control what they bring, but we do become responsible for helping them use it for the good of themselves and the team. Expecting team members to strip themselves of their ego, or personal identity and idea of self-importance, isn’t realistic. It’s also not what is best for the team. The ego each individual brings to the team is precisely what makes a team so special. The individual ego isn’t the problem. The placement of the individual ego is the problem. When a team comes together, to expect all individual egos to fall to the side is absurd. They’re still there. What can, and should, be expected when a team is formed is for the collective ego of the team to be prioritized above that of each individual. This is the charge of the leader. We must remain focused and adamant with our commitment to the team first. The individual is important, but always secondary to the team. As leaders, we should not be trying to blend the egos of the individual, rather we should facilitate a shared ego all team members will embrace. The shared ego of the team far exceeds that of the individual. A shared ego also creates a shared identity that cements the importance of the team. REAL TALK - Action Steps Blending the team is difficult primarily because of all the egos involved. Here are a few ideas to help create a shared ego the whole team will benefit from.
On a bigger scale, this applies to our view of the world. The world is our team. We all play a vital role. No one is more important than anyone else. And, we really are in this together. What if our ego were shared? What if we thought about us before me? For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  The 'Right School'You know the ‘old school’ way, right? How would you describe it?
Tough? Challenging? Relentless? Adversity filled? Too bent on the negative, maybe? Unwilling to change? Expecting too much time? Too much commitment? Before we get too consumed with passing off the old, gruff coach that seems so angry at the world, perhaps we should consider the wake he has left. Not the wins, though those are typically significant, but the scores of former players that come to his defense. We should also consider the upstanding human beings that credit that old, gruff coach with becoming the husband and father they now are. It’s funny how consumed we are with the future, while quickly discounting the very behaviors that will truly benefit the future we hope for. Today we think of the ‘old school’ leaders as being out of touch with the future because they’re stuck in the past. The truth is, they’re the only leaders that really do care about the future. We’ve been hogwashed (there’s an old school word for you) to believe that feeling better now will help you perform better later. New-age leadership wants to kill us with kindness, making sure we feel good in the moment - often at the expense of the future. Leaders with an ‘old school’ mentality don’t drink that juice. Why Should We Care? I’m certainly not saying that everything associated with the ‘old school’ approach to leading is wonderful and shouldn’t be up for debate. However, there are some things that are being lost in the transition to new age coaching that are significant concerns. Here’s a list of the top five things. 1. Avoiding adversity Society is on a mission to remove challenges and adversity for people. Stop it. It’s not good for them. Facing and overcoming obstacles is good for us and those we lead. ‘Old school’ coaches know this and not only lean into when it comes around, but oftentimes they actively seek it. 2. Softening critical feedback In an effort to preserve feelings and confidence, leaders now often soften their message of critical feedback so much, the person receiving the feedback completely loses his view of the standard. Clarity is critical. Just say it, clearly and directly. You never have to wonder where you stand and what you need to do better with an ‘old school’ coach. They make sure it’s crystal clear. 3. Prioritizing the individual over the team In an era of trainers and job hopping, fewer and fewer people prioritize the team. If there is anything that all ‘old school’ leaders have in common, it’s that the team comes before the individual. Always. The new movement likes to act as if the individual and team are equally important - that we can have our cake and eat it too. 4. Looking for the minimum amount of work Nowadays it seems as if people are looking to do the least amount of work possible to sustain the current level of performance. ‘Old school’ leaders don’t even consider work load, they simply believe that it takes what it takes. There is no barometer for the amount of work required, there is just what is required. 5. Compromising the little things Punctuality is the first thing that comes to mind. It’s a non-negotiable for the ‘old school’ leaders. Early is on time and on time is late. Of course, it doesn’t end there. Many details have become more optional than required. We always get what we accept as a leader and what is accepted is certainly different between the ‘old school’ and new age mindsets. REAL TALK - Action Steps I’m not here to act like everything used to be great in the good ‘ol days and everything new is soft and useless. I don’t think that’s the case at all. Both have contributions to make to excellent leadership. Here are a few of the most important combinations:
Rather than thinking about the two camps of ‘new school’ and ‘old school’, we should be thinking of only one school: ‘right school’. And, ‘old school’ has a lot more in common with the ‘right school’ than most want to give it credit for. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help!  At Their MercyAs a leader, you’re at the mercy of those you lead.
It’s an important perspective to accept. Your ego, and society, says you’re in control. You’re not. It’s never been more clear than it is right now. According to a recent CNBC article, over 4 million people have left their jobs each month in 2022. We are in a time when options abound and workers are not afraid to test the grass on the other side of the fence. This statistic also points to a void in understanding by leaders. Why Should We Care? When we can detach from our need to control, we open ourselves up to understanding our primary duty as a leader: to create the proper conditions that will allow growth and teamwork to take place. Leadership is less about getting the person to do something and more about creating the space and conditions that will allow the person to choose to be led. That’s a significant difference and requires a significantly different approach to leading. These conditions and space we want to create as leaders should be intimately tied to our vision for the team. When you close your eyes and think about the perfect performance by your team, what does it look like? How are people acting? What are they saying? These are the conditions you are creating. The better we paint the picture of our vision, the more people we attract that believe in the same things we believe in. These are the people we want on our team. While attracting the right people is critical, the other benefit of establishing the right conditions is that we push those that don’t believe in our vision to choose something else early in the process. And, we all know trouble just one bad apple can cause. The space to choose is powerful because of the commitment it evokes. Rather than being forced, or coerced, into doing something; we want to allow people to join our cause and vision because they believe in it. When we choose our path, we’re more likely to view the obstacles as simply part of the path and work through, around, and beyond them. When we don’t choose our path, the obstacles are more likely to be viewed as roadblocks not worth the struggle to navigate. REAL TALK - Action Steps Creating conditions and space for your vision to be considered and chosen isn’t an easy proposition for a leader. It’s much easier to simply pass down commands and punishment. Of course, easier is a terrible compass. Here are a few ideas to consider when creating those conditions and space, modified slightly from Daniel Coyle’s finding in The Culture Code.
While we don’t control those we lead, we certainly have a profound impact on what they ultimately choose to do. However, that impact swings both ways. As a leader, tie your rope more closely to the conditions you are creating rather than the directions you are giving. Detaching from this will allow you, as the leader, to realize you are merely holding the pen. For more information on building excellence in your teams, visit us at www.bluecollargrit.com. We would love to know how we could help! |
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