bcg blog

The Limits of Control

When I began coaching over twenty-five years ago, control was my mission. I wanted to control our players, control the game, and control the opinions everyone had of me. Make no mistake, it was about me. Afterall, what does the need for control say if not, I know best?

It’s not that I hadn’t been exposed to a different way. My high school coach was not a controlling leader at all. He was incredible at empowering his players by asking questions, listening to the answers, then adjusting according to what he heard. I knew that’s who I wanted to be as a coach, but young-me was unwilling.

Early in my career I roamed the sidelines, screaming instructions to the players on every pass and barking at officials on every call. I was willing to white-knuckle success if I had to. And, for a while, I did to some extent. We won a reasonable number of games - enough for other people to think I was a decent coach, which was all that mattered to me at the time.

But, it didn’t last. It couldn’t. 
By the time my seventh season rolled around I was exhausted. I still loved basketball and I loved coaching, but I knew I couldn’t continue going about it the same way. Something had to change - either me or my job.

I decided I was the one that needed to adjust.

Why Should We Care?
Along that same time, I started paying much closer attention to how some other coaches coached - not what offense or defense they ran, which had been my focus previously, but how they acted on the sidelines, how they responded after a mistake, and how they interacted with their players and officials. 

There was one coach in our area that I followed particularly closely: PJ Bertemes. He was a very successful high school coach by this time. His team’s always impressed me with their discipline and toughness. The other thing that stood out about PJ was his sideline demeanor. He sat, watched the game, and offered his insights when they were needed. There was no effort to control every play by his players or dictate the next call by the officials. 

But man, could he coach. His teams consistently maxed out their talent and overachieved. Clearly, the work had been done, the trust established, and the game plan mastered. As for the game, the outcome was surrendered. 

PJ had influence, he didn’t need control.

As leaders, it’s influence we should be seeking, not control. Influence empowers those we lead. It has the potential to elevate them beyond their potential, far surpassing the contribution mere control would offer. Influence is scary though. Others must choose to allow themselves to be influenced. And, it’s not a one-time commitment. They get to choose every day. 


REAL TALK - Action Steps
Growing our influence requires intentional actions. We are not influential merely because of our age or our title - I’m sure you can name plenty of examples to illustrate this point from your own life. Here are a few ways to magnify your influence on those you lead.

• Consistency 
  
  • It’s always running a marathon, but it always wins. Everyone is always looking for shortcuts or quick fixes to heighten their influence, but it always starts and ends here. As a matter of fact, without it you have virtually no influence. You might as well stick to controlling. 
    

• Authenticity
  
  • Charisma is a poor man’s authenticity. It stirs the soul for a time, but eventually fades away. Authenticity on the other hand, is what we are all consistently drawn to. We feel it from the first interaction and are pursuing it for ourselves our entire life. We are at our influential apex when who we are aligns with what we say and what we do. 
    

• Love
  
  • If you want others to allow you to influence them you have to care … a lot. We all want to be around people that care - about themselves, about us, and about what we’re doing. Control doesn’t require care, it requires adherence. Influence is always magnified with love.
    

Control is cleaner, more simple, and feeds the ego. It’s also cold, transactional, and limiting. 
Influence is messy, complicated, and ego-free. It’s also warm, transformational, and … the only path to excellence.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!