bcg blog

Hold Your Pen

We live in the most opinionated era in human history. Everyone has a platform. Everyone has a take. And everyone thinks their opinion matters. News flash - it doesn’t … and never has.
In 2004, this kinda dorky, thirteen-year-old kid from England decides he wants to be a musician. Although he carried his acoustic guitar everywhere with him, by sixteen he'd still been rejected more times than he could count. A few good-intentioned adults even informed him that he had better come up with a backup plan, which he did. He dropped out of school and spent the next several months hanging around and sleeping outside of any venue he could get to in order to stay around music.
But, Ed Sheeran had a crystal clear idea of what success was to him. He wasn't measuring himself by other people’s opinions or counting doors slamming in his face as failures. He was measuring success by his growth and fulfillment. The criticism didn't faze him. When fans started showing up and YouTube clips started spreading, he stayed the course. The praise didn’t faze him either.
Eventually, Elton John heard a small sample of his work and sent Sheeran a tour bus. Then, Jamie Foxx let him sleep in his Hollywood home for six weeks while he found his footing. The rest is history.
Far too many brilliant, capable people hand their pen to their story. Praise. Criticism. Doesn't matter. Both can wreck us if we’re not careful. We’ve talked a lot about not allowing the scoreboard to define us, but there’s a sneakier version of the same trap. Sure, we have to tangle with the question - will you let the outcome define you? But, it seems an equally prominent question these days is will you let someone else’s opinion of the outcome define you?
Why Should We Care?
As leaders, whether we’re coaching a team, raising a family, or running a business we are going to be evaluated constantly. Formally and informally, to our face and behind our back. We’ll get feedback that's useful and feedback that's useless. Often the most confident voices in the room will be the least qualified to speak on who we are and what we’re capable of.
When we let criticism define our ceiling or let praise define our identity, we’ve handed the pen to someone who doesn't live with the consequences of our story. And, the reality is that most people giving us feedback, even the well-meaning ones, are working off incomplete information. They don't see our morning routines. They don't know what we’ve overcome to get here. They aren't watching the film of our entire career. They're watching a single play.
The best leaders are feedback consumers, not feedback dependents. They listen, like really listen, because they're secure enough not to be threatened by whatever the feedback says. They sift through it with a singular focus - does this make me better? If yes, they use it. If no, they set it down and walk away. They don't dismiss people. They don't get defensive. But they also don't let the crowd rewrite their purpose. They've done the hard internal work of knowing who they are, what they value, and where they're going. That foundation is what makes honest feedback a gift.
When we are clear on our purpose, external noise loses its power to paralyze us. Criticism becomes data. Praise becomes encouragement. Neither becomes our identity. And when we can operate from that place, we become the kind of leader people are drawn to follow.
REAL TALK - Action Steps
Knowing and doing are two different things. It’s not enough to know. We must do. Here are three things you can put to work right now to keep a hold of your pen.

• Own Your Scoreboard 
  
  • Write down what success actually looks like on your terms. Not your boss's terms. Not social media's terms. Yours. What do your values demand of you? What does growth look like for you in this season of your life? Make it specific. 
    
• Own the Gap
  
  • The next time you receive significant criticism or significant praise, give yourself 24 hours before you decide what to do with it. In that window, ask one question: Is there something true here that could make me better? If yes, apply it, and move on. If not, set it down and move on. The pause protects you from becoming defensive and emotional. 
    
• Own Your Circle
  
  • Not everyone's voice deserves equal weight. Start thinking intentionally about whose feedback you actually listen to. Is this person someone who knows the full picture? Are they invested in your growth or just your performance? A crowded room of opinions is just noise. 
    

The world will always have an opinion about what we’re doing, how we’re doing it, and whether we’re doing it well enough. Some of those opinions will be useful. Most of them won't. The best don’t let the world decide what success is for them - they write that story themselves.
Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!