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The Shouldings

In August 2019, prime 29 year old Andrew Luck announced his retirement from the NFL. He was a former number one overall draft pick, a Pro Bowl quarterback, and had just led the Colts to the playoffs while earning himself the Comeback Player of the Year award. By every external measure, he should have been on top of the world. But, he wasn’t. 
"For the last four years or so, I've been in this cycle of injury, pain, rehab, injury, pain, rehab, and it's been unceasing, unrelenting, both in-season and offseason, and I felt stuck in it. The only way I see out is to no longer play football." While Luck’s retirement sent shockwaves through the entire National Football League, the more fascinating story was that he had the awareness to recognize something that once brought him joy had become something he felt he should endure. 
Luck had always been a football junky. He loved every aspect of the game. But somewhere in the cycle of injuries, something changed. The should had replaced the excitement. He should keep playing because of his talent. He should honor his contract. He should push through for his teammates and fans. Yet each of these shoulds felt heavy rather than energizing, an obligation rather than an opportunity. Walking away, Luck demonstrated a profound level of self-awareness that many leaders never achieve. He recognized that when your mind is telling you something feels wrong, no amount of external validation can make it feel right.
Why Should We Care?
Not all shoulds are created equal. Some shoulds align with your authentic self while others stem from external expectations, like fear and obligation. Pay attention to the feeling that accompanies the should-thought. Does it create a sense of anticipation and possibility or does it create a heaviness, a sense of resentment and obligation? The first type of should is your true self pointing you toward growth that serves your purpose. The second type is your false self, the voice of what others expect, what looks impressive, or what you think you're supposed to do.

This awareness becomes crucial when we consider how we make decisions around our priorities. Too many leaders find themselves in Andrew Luck's cycle of pursuing achievements that once excited them but now feel like obligations they can't escape. They should pursue the promotion because it's the next logical step. They should maintain their hectic schedule because that's what successful people do. They should say yes to opportunities because that’s the only way they can climb the ladder. But each heavy should creates distance from your authentic self and replace genuine passion with performance of success. 

Examining your shoulds shines a light on what you truly value versus what you've been conditioned to value. For leaders pursuing excellence, this kind of awareness is transformative. It allows you to invest your energy in pursuits that genuinely matter to you rather than exhausting yourself trying to live up to images of success that were never truly yours. The most impactful leaders aren't those who achieved every goal society told them to pursue, but those who had the courage to define success on their terms then live it.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Developing the awareness to distinguish between authentic calling and false obligation requires intentional practice in noticing how different commitments make you feel. Here’s a few ideas to become more aware:

• Take Should Inventory 
  
  • List every significant commitment, responsibility, or goal you're currently pursuing. For each one, complete this sentence: "I should ___ because ___." When you think about this should, do you feel energy, or do you feel resistance? Rate each item. Ones that consistently rate as draining deserve immediate examination. These may be obligations you're maintaining for the wrong reasons.
    
• Check the 3 Year Perspective
  
  • Ask yourself: "If I knew I'd be doing this exact thing three years from now, how do I feel about it?" If the answer creates excitement or confidence, that's a genuine should aligned with your values. If the answer creates a sense of being trapped, that's a false should based on external pressure. 
    
• Joy Assessment
  
  • Reflect monthly on this prompt: "Where has joy left my work or life?" This is all about identifying areas where activities that once energized you now feel like burdens. Are you continuing because it serves your growth, or because you think you should? 
    

Your joy, your energy, and your authentic contribution to the world depend on following the shoulds that make you feel more alive, not the ones that slowly drain your life away.

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