bcg blog

On the Flip Side

It’s been about a year since I made the declaration, a considerably shorter time frame than what has passed since I first had the thought. Admittedly, it took some time to say it out loud. Fear being the primary culprit, of course. It showed its little lying, conniving head in two predictable ways.

The first fear that surfaced was a fear of what people would think. This was a guest I had become unfamiliar with. In virtually every area of my life I had gotten proficient at detaching from the approval of others. But, for whatever the reason, this endeavor resurfaced many of those uneasy feelings of insecurity, judgment, and self-consciousness. Navigating them has been interesting, and just as challenging as I remember them being. I’m beyond this struggle now, but it was real while it lasted.

The second is the fear of failing. I’m still in the process of navigating this guy and I’m not sure I ever want him to go completely away. When this undertaking began, I was confident in being able to complete it. As the months, and now year, have passed I’ve questioned that belief hundreds of times. But, in true delusional fashion, I’ve never really believed I was going to fail. The days highlight the failures and make me question the likelihood of success, but I’m still confident the final outcome will be exactly what I planned from the start. 

The declaration started as an interest: I want to do a backflip. Then, it became a curious idea: I think I can do a backflip. And finally, the confident assertion: I’m going to do a backflip.

No, I don’t have any tumbling experience. No, I’m not athletic and have never done anything that resembles a flip. No, I don’t have a reason for needing to do a backflip. Yes, I’m too old to be learning this now. Yes, I realize I could hurt myself. Yes, I was completely clueless on what all this entailed. 

And, no, I have not completed a backflip … yet. But, yes, I will.

Why Should We Care?
Backflip aside, I’ve learned a lot. I hope you can see this has been about more than a successful backflip. It's about stretching myself, challenging what I think is possible, and attempting to do something where failure is not only a possibility but a likely outcome. 
One of the most important things I’ve learned throughout the process is my real view on failure. Not the resulting thoughts from it, but the actual feelings I experience in the midst of failure after failure. I've had to make a decision, over and over, that a bad rep isn't a final verdict, even when I’ve wanted it to be. It's just data. It tells me what to fix. The mental progression from treating failure as a defining moment to merely information is transformational.  The fear of failure lost its grip. As a leader your people are watching how you fail, not just how you win. If you flinch from it, they will begin to question the process … as they should.
The second thing I’ve gained clarity on is courage. It’s no longer an absence of fear. It's moving forward while the fear is still alive and well. Courage was never waiting for fear to leave. It was moving forward regardless of fear's position. The leaders worth following just go, fear riding shotgun most of the time.
The third thing, and the one I didn't expect, is how much a real coach matters. Kind of a weird realization for a lifetime coach, but here I am. A coach’s ability to give real time feedback, correct the same thing over and over, and encourage the slightest progress is powerful. Finding a good one isn’t easy. Most people will edit their feedback. Most are unwilling to give the same correction five times in a row in an effort to make you feel good. The thing is, I don’t want to feel good. I want to do a backflip. A good coach does not lose track of the end goal.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Here’s a few thoughts on applying some of my backflip learnings to your leadership journey.

• No Good or Bad 
  
  • Next time you fail at something, resist the urge to label it good or bad. It’s nothing but information. A bad rep is good feedback. Let it teach you.
    

• Ready Or Not
  
  • Stop waiting to feel ready. Name one thing you've been putting off until your nerves go away, and do it this week with the nerves still fully present. They were never blocking you anyway. They were just loud.
    

• Seek Feedback
  
  • Whatever the hard, unfamiliar thing is that you're trying to learn, stop trying to piece it together and widen your search. The right person is out there. You just have to find them.
    

Keep failing. Ignore fear. Find a coach.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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