bcg blog

The Danger of Expectation

Have you ever been on your morning commute to work and realize it’s just not going to be your day? You know the days. It starts before you ever even get in your car. You forgot to pack your lunch the night before, the pants you were going to wear are in the dirty clothes, and you can’t even find your keys. And, of course, you’re running late.

When you finally make it to the car, your gas light is on and two minutes into the drive your check engine light dings. As you turn off your street, a giant box truck turns right in front of you and manages to stay a perfect 5 mph under the speed limit through town where there’s no room to pass. 

Jumping onto the highway, at last free from staring at the rear door of the box truck, you finally start moving at a pace you deem acceptable. That is, of course, until you are boxed in by two semis going just fast enough to keep you locked into your position. When you make your way to the fast lane, you’re greeted by the dreaded 55 mph driver oblivious to the world of cars speeding by.

The final leg of the drive puts you back in town with a series of traffic lights to navigate. And, you guessed it, every single one red. I mean, what are the chances? It’s just your luck.

What if I told you this entire scenario, which we play out on different platforms daily, is all a result of expectations? More than that, our own selfish expectations? Well, they are. 

Why Should We Care?
We aren’t owed a single green light and we’ve done nothing to deserve a clear fast lane.
That’s just the story we’ve told ourselves. None of it was ours to begin with. We didn't earn it and we didn't buy it. Somewhere along the way, we decided the world owes us an easy path just because we showed up. As if others should be parting the sea because we’re here.
That's the slight of entitlement. It's sneaky because it doesn’t feel like entitlement from the inside. For me, it usually feels like frustration or bad luck - “of course this would happen to me”. But when we strip it down, what's really happening is we’re expecting something we never had the right to in the first place. The green light. The promotion. The day going according to plan. We didn't earn any of it, we just expected it, and when it didn't show up, we got frustrated at a world that never promised it to us.
Ultimately, it’s just our selfishness finding its way out. It's us deciding we’re the exception. The world is not against us, it was never for or against us. We’re the ones who decided it owed us something.
The depth of this perspective is significant. Our happiness on that drive was never determined by the lights. It was determined by what we expected from them. Two people can sit at the exact same red light. One's fuming, replaying every slight of the morning. The other's grateful, appreciating the thirty seconds to breathe. Same light. Completely different expectations. Happiness, joy, contentment are reality minus what you expected reality to be. 

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Knowing where the frustration comes from doesn't fix it by itself. Here's how you actually put it to work.

• Notice What You’re Owed 
  • Next time you catch yourself frustrated, stop and ask what you expected that you didn't get. Most of the time you'll find an invisible entitlement sitting underneath the frustration, something you never actually earned a right to.

• Notice What You’re Given
  • Start noticing the stuff that goes right instead of only what goes wrong. You didn't earn those either, but gratitude for what you weren't owed does a lot more for you than resentment for what you were.

• Entitled to Nothing
  • Go into the day expecting nothing to be owed to you. It’s not pessimism, it’s just refusing to hand your happiness over to things that were never yours to control in the first place.

You don't own the outcome. You don't own much of anything, if you're honest about it. But you do own your expectations. Eliminate what you think you’re owed. Highlight what you’ve been given.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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