bcg blog

The Life Scale

It’s the spring of 2012 and Mr. Wesney, the coordinating principal at Centerville High School, is introducing me as the new head boys basketball coach. The group of athletes and parents that gather in the bleachers is modest. I do my best to make sure my message is not.

I address the expectations of our players, the emphasis on our core values, and the alignment we plan to create from our youth through varsity programs. The message is politely accepted, at least that’s how I read the casual nods. The closing declaration that we would be training and working to compete for a state title is merely brushed off as a new coach’s dream. Which, from the outside, is understandable. Centerville has been known as a football school for the past twenty years and has only advanced to the basketball regional tournament a few times, and never to the state tournament.

The first several years will prove to be even more challenging than we anticipate. Time is a requirement for deep levels of trust and buy-in. We give it generously. Our coaching staff consistently chooses to confront behaviors that do not align with the culture we aspire to have. This friction is new to both players and parents, causing some to love the program even more because it’s special, in a hard way. It causes others to opt out, choosing something better suited for their desired workload. Countless hours will be spent watching film, developing players, and stealing every last inch that might give our team an advantage. 

Weeks will be eaten up by the meticulous planning to guide the progression from our youth to our middle school to our high school program. The first few years are a grind. Establishing the process is exhausting. There will be countless times, we will weigh the sacrifice to the potential reward. But, we always return. More than willing to trade the grueling one experience for the slightest possibility of an unforgettable ten experience.

As is usually the case, the trade has been well worth it. We’ve leaned into a lot of ones, but have several tens to show for it. There’s plenty of people more than happy to live a life of fours and fives, but that’s just not for me.

Why Should We Care?
Most people will never experience a ten because they've made a quiet, unconscious agreement with themselves to avoid the ones. How sad is that - a life with no tens!
A life full of fours and fives is comfortable. Welcome to mediocrity. It's not painful enough to quit and not fulfilling enough to light you up. It's just … fine. Fine.  The enemy nobody talks about. It keeps us safe. It keeps us stuck. Fine. The most socially acceptable way to waste the one life you have been given.
Ones are ugly, exhausting. They cost you sleep. Sometimes they cost you relationships. They invite doubt from others and, worse, from yourself. Any leader who has tried to intentionally establish culture knows this. Any parent who has tried to hold a hard line for a child who didn't want it has learned the exact same lesson. The ones are not a detour around the tens or an unwanted replacement for them. They are the only road that leads there.
The problem is that the middle ground doesn't feel like a choice when it actually is. It presents itself as the reasonable option. Take the job that pays well enough. Stay in the relationship that's comfortable enough. Run the program at the level that keeps everyone happy enough. The scale tips slowly with nobody noticing … until they do. 
What no one wants to tell you is that you don't accidentally stumble into a ten. You have to choose those. And that choice always comes with a cost. When you choose the ten, you choose the one that goes with it. And, unfortunately, you always have to pay upfront. .
The ones are not the punishment for wanting a ten. They are the price tag.
REAL TALK - Action Steps
Living at a ten requires a willingness to sit with a one. That's not a naturally comfortable position for most of us, so it has to become an intentional one. Here's where to start.

• Name Your Ten 
  
  • Most people are vague about what they actually want. They know they want more, but more of what? Without a clear ten on your scale, every one you encounter will feel pointless. Define it. Write it down. 
    

• Respect the One
  
  • Stop treating the hard moment like something has gone wrong. The one is working exactly as it is supposed to. The friction and the failure is not a sign to quit. That's the scale doing its job. The leaders and people who learn to respect the process embedded in their ones are the ones who truly appreciate their tens.
    

• No Negotiating
  
  • The most dangerous facet of the life scale is the slow drift toward the middle. A little less early morning. A little more comfort. A little more tolerance for what you said you wouldn't accept. The drift is quiet and the middle always looks reasonable from the inside. Stop negotiating it. The decision has been made.
    

Are you willing to embrace the ones for a chance at the tens? Or, are you willing to settle for a life of fours and fives with no shot at a ten? Those are very different lives. Both can be deemed as successful by the public, but only one can provide fulfillment to the individual.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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