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Admiring v Idolizing

I was fifteen years old before I got my first pair. I had imagined myself wearing them for years. They had to be so comfortable. No way they could look that cool and not be the best. And, obviously, they would make me way better. I just knew I would be quicker, faster, and jump higher. Unfortunately, when I put my first pair of Jordan’s on, none of those things saw a significant rise. Maybe it was just me or maybe it was because they were hand-me-downs and all the magic was gone. 

Even without the surge in performance, and coolness, one thing remained the same in my eyes: Michael Jordan was the best basketball player in the world, ever. It wasn’t a debate. It was a fact. At the time, it was safe to say I idolized him. I saved every magazine, read every article, watched every game. He could do no wrong in my mind. The walls of my room were covered in pictures of Jordan shooting, passing, defending, and dunking. 

As I’ve gotten older, the adulation has dissipated. I mean, he’s still the best basketball player of all time, but I’m no longer blinded so much by the shine that I can’t see the flaws. I can now recognize that as great as he was as a basketball player, there were plenty aspects of his life that I would never want to embody. I think that’s the case for most people. The harder we look, the more perspective we gain, the more ordinary they become.

Admiring someone and idolizing someone isn’t the same thing. When we admire another person we look up to the positive aspects of the person while realizing they also possess some characteristics we don’t desire to embody. We appreciate the good while acknowledging the bad. When we idolize someone we only see the positives and blind ourselves from the negative. We attempt to turn something good into something ultimate.

Why Should We Care?
Idolizing someone feels harmless. It can even feel motivating. But, if we’re not careful, we’ll put our growth in someone else's hands. When we idolize a person, we stop picking and choosing what to learn from them. We take the whole package as the truth. We copy their entire life without asking whether it all fits who we are or what we believe.
Eventually, every idol falls. Not because they're bad people, but because they're people. They make a bad call. They say the wrong thing. They turn out to be different up close than they looked from a distance. When our belief is built on them being perfect, that fall takes a piece of us with it. We didn't just lose respect for someone. We lost something we were building our life on.
Admiration holds up better. We don't buy the whole store, we pick what we want. We can admire how one leader runs a meeting, how another handles pressure, and how another treats people. We can do that while knowing none of them has it all figured out. When one of them lets us down, we don't have to throw everything away. We keep what works and put back what doesn't.
If you lead people, some of them will be tempted to lean towards idolizing rather than admiring you. It may feel good, but it's also dangerous. People who idolize you stop pushing back. They stop telling you the truth. Your blind spots grow because fewer people around you are willing to point them out. A person that admires you will still follow you, but they'll also tell you when you're doing something stupid. 

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Knowing the difference between admiring and idolizing is easy. Catching yourself in it is harder. Here's where to start.

• Identify Growth 
  
  • Write down the names of your mentors. Next to each name, list what you want to learn from them. Then list at least one thing you don't want to copy. If you can't come up with anything for the second list, you may be idolizing, not admiring.
    

• Pick and Choose
  
  • You’re not trying to become someone else. Pick the one specific thing you want to build and work on that. You're building yourself, not a copy of someone else.
    

• Check Yourself
  
  • Ask your people what you do that they’d never want to copy. Then, thank them for the answer, whatever it is. 
    

The goal isn't to stop looking up to people. We need people to look up to. The goal is to look up with open eyes. Choose the ones that help you grow into who you're supposed to be, not into a copy of them.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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