bcg blog

I'm the Type of Person

A few weeks ago I found myself in a large group of people at a social gathering. Admittedly, this is a situation I try hard to avoid. Nonetheless, there I was. Uncomfortable and anticipating the relief of it being over, even more so than the dread of going in the first place. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being around people, I do. I just prefer them in smaller sample sizes. And, preferably samples I pick.

In any case, I’m having a great conversation with someone I have a ton of respect for. I listened, I shared, we laughed. It was exactly what you hope every conversation is like. They’re not, but that’s the hope. 

As the conversation ended, we both drifted off to mingle. For me, that looked like gazing into the group of people and simply observing. People-watching is easily one of my favorite leisure time activities. As I’m watching and noticing, a conversation off to my right catches my attention. Call it eavesdropping if you’d like.

It was a discussion between one person I knew well and one from out of the area that I didn’t. In a matter of seconds, the acquaintance of mine starts into a self-descriptive declaration that catches my full attention. She had been talking without a breath for the past three minutes, then grabbed a strangle hold on the conversation with a phrase that has become a major red flag for me. In an effort to validate, she begins the sentence with, “I’m the type of person who”. 

I’m not an expert on social behavior, but I’ve experienced very few interactions in which someone has said “I’m the type of person who” that actually is, indeed, a person who does whatever ‘thing’ they are so convinced they do.

If you have to tell people the type of person you are, then there’s a real good chance you’re not.

Why Should We Care?
We can say whatever we want. Claim to be this or that all day long. It takes zero effort to tell someone you're hard working, loyal, disciplined, or unselfish. The proof isn’t in the words we choose. It's in the next hundred decisions we make after we say them.
"I'm the type of person who" is an attempt at a shortcut. It's asking people to take our word for something instead of earning their belief through our consistent actions. And the people who lead best realize there are no shortcuts. They don't announce their personal standards. They live them so consistently that other people end up saying it for them.
Every leader has a gap between what they say in the team meeting and what they actually do when things get real. But we can be sure our people are aware of and watching that gap. They're listening to our speech, they're watching our actions. If those two things don't match, we don't have a leadership problem, we have a trust problem. 
And a lack of trust is a big problem. The credibility that trust provides is the only thing that lets us have real influence on someone else's life.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
They say talk is cheap. They’re right. Here’s a few ideas to be sure you’re really the type of person you say you are.

• Check Your Time & Money 
  
  • Look at where your time and money actually go this week. If you say family matters most but your calendar and checkbook says otherwise, you’re lying to yourself. People believe what you schedule, not what you say. 
    

• Close the Gap
  
  • Before you tell your team what you believe, ask yourself if your last month of behavior would prove it. If it wouldn't, fix the behavior or stop saying it. 
    

• Let Others Say It
  
  • The strongest compliment you can earn is having someone else describe you the way you'd describe yourself. Stop reaching for the label. Do the thing long enough and consistently enough that somebody else hands you the label instead.
    

If you're building a life and a leadership style people can actually trust, it starts with closing the gap between your words and your actions. Be they type of person that doesn’t have to tell people what type of person they are.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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