bcg blog

Clear Cut

It’s November, 2005. The basketball season is just getting underway and we are in the process of finalizing our team selections. We’ve had a few practices to evaluate our players and it’s time to make our last set of cuts. 

All cuts are not created equal. Conversations with upperclassmen who have made teams in the past, but have been passed by underclassmen and are no longer in a position to make the team are exceptionally difficult - assuming you desire to remain humane and empathetic in the process. Other cuts are obvious and more like the dashing of a whimsical dream.

This is the prior. And, I am only four years into my coaching career. 
Not a good combination.

The player strolls into the dark locker room where I’m waiting for him, sitting on a stool in the middle of the room facing the door. I’m too young, or ignorant, to connect his nonchalant entrance as an indicator of his misplaced confidence. That awareness would’ve been helpful. I fumbled on.

“So, how do you think it’s been going?” I ask as he takes a seat across from me on one of our benches. Hoping, of course, for him to realize he is far behind most of the other players.

He doesn’t hesitate, “Great, I’m playing really well.”
Not exactly the answer I was expecting … since he had done nothing ‘really well’ during tryouts.

I regroup and hope to help him see how far down the list of players he falls. Surely, with a comparison to the other players in the gym he will recognize his shortcomings.

“Ok. Where do you think you are compared to the other guys?”

Again, he doesn’t hesitate, “Oh, I think I’m definitely in the top seven, maybe a starter.”
So much for my good intentions of helping him become self-aware and leading him to the realization that he isn't good enough to make the team. Yes, I realize how dumb of an idea that is now ... but I'm four years into my career. I knew nothing.

This kid is unphased. He remains hopeful, or delusional, throughout the entire meeting. After trying to caress his feelings by easing into the unexpected news, I finally realized he wasn't processing any of it. Clearly, I wasn't being clear.

I was left with only one option, hit him right between the eyes ... interrupting him mid-sentence I say “You’re not on the team.”

Finally, we had clarity.

Why Should We Care?
In leadership we spend an inordinate amount of time contemplating when and how to deliver messages to the people we are leading. The more teams I lead and difficult messages I deliver, the more I realize it’s less about the message and more about the relationship between the two people that determines how well the message is received.

Conversations like cutting a player from your team will always be difficult, but if I had invested more time into getting to truly know the young man then I would not have felt the need to tippy toe around the real message. I could have just told him. Empathetically of course, but I could've just gotten straight to the point.

The same is true for the people you lead. You don’t need a perfectly crafted email or a pristine delivery in just the right environment. What you need is a relationship where you can be candid. Instead of spending time on your email, spend it growing your relationships.

On the surface it may seem like you are less willing to be frank with those closest to you in order to keep from hurting them, but you know that’s not true. You say what needs to be said to them precisely because you love them. If you don't care enough about them, you just let them figure it out on their own.

So, love those you lead enough to be transparent with them.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Simplicity and courage is the combination we are looking for. Here are a few thoughts on becoming more intentional about each.

• Lead With The Bad News
  • Rip off the band-aid. Bad news doesn’t get better with time and that not only applies to days and weeks, but also minutes within a single conversation. Put the elephant from the corner, front and center. This creates a singular focus for the meeting or conversation.

 

• Confirm The Bad News
  • Within the conversation, check for understanding by asking the other person to repeat it to you. The goal is not to share a message they might understand, it’s to share a message they can’t misunderstand. If they can’t repeat it, you’re not finished. Try again using fewer words.

 

• Follow-Up On The Bad News
  • It’s amazing what five minutes of intentional follow-up the day after a difficult conversation can do. You may not realize it but your actions are either choosing to fortify a relationship or let it go. I’m not saying you want to fortify every one of them, but you do want to be intentional about the choice.

Our willingness to be transparent with others is a reflection of our respect and care for them. Those we lead not only expect that from us, they deserve it.

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