bcg blog

Striving & Thriving

It’s 5:15am on a weekday morning. From my bedroom I can smell the smokey goodness of the sausage patties and hear the crackling of the eggs hitting the skillet. My alarm clock, also known as mom, has just gently shaken me from my sleep coma to let me know that breakfast is almost ready. I roll out of bed, blindly dressing and stumbling to the bathroom. I eventually land at the table where a plate full of morning goodness greets me. I say thank you but gobble it up incapable of truly appreciating all that went into it.

This was my school day morning from seventh grade through my senior year of high school. I was getting up to workout and become the best basketball player I could be. Mom got up because I got up. 

It’s only in reflecting on those mornings that I can even begin to appreciate all each of those mornings entailed for her. Waking up - before 5:15am - so she could get breakfast started and wake me up right when I needed to get up, being sure we had all the food for breakfast - that I liked of course, and somehow smiling and acting like she wanted to be up … that early … again. 

I see now she was giving a masterclass in leadership. I was striving to become a college basketball player. She never questioned the work or where it may or may not take me. Instead, she loved, encouraged, and supported regardless of the circumstances - for me or her. She was being mom.

While I was striving, she was thriving.

Why Should We Care?
Leadership is synonymous with service. If you aren’t serving, then you aren’t leading. Sure, you may be accomplishing great things, making tons of money, or receiving high praise; but you aren’t leading. The top performers in most fields are typically labeled with the ‘leadership’ tag strictly based on their performance or position, yet it is rarely fully accurate.

As most climb the ladder, they like to proclaim their leadership moxy as another testament to their superiority. However, the climb itself is usually counter to the service mindset required of a leader. In order to climb, we must take. In order to lead, we must give. This is quite the dichotomy in our pursuit of growth. What to do, what to do?

The right answer - yes, there is a right answer - as most usually discover far too late, is to give … and keep giving. The trajectory to the top may not be as steep but it will most certainly end up higher. And, if for some reason it doesn’t, you realize you didn’t need to go there anyway. 

Back to Brenda Cupps. Her leadership allowed me to strive. She constantly gives and though she’s never been CEO or president of a company, you won’t find anyone more dedicated to serving those she leads. My striving has been nourished by her thriving.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
The perspective is different in leadership. Most of the time you aren’t sailing the ship. Oh, I know, you think you are, but you’re not. The people you lead are. Your job is to help them sail it as well as they possibly can. In order to do that, you have to get over what you want. Here are a few questions to help you down that path:

• What do they need? 
  
  • Need, not want. There’s a big difference. Leadership should provide perspective and require forethought. Zoom out, look at the big picture. What is most needed for this group, or individual, right now? That’s what you need to provide. Be careful, your feelings are often your biggest roadblock.
    

• What can I do to help?
  
  • You have a unique set of skills and life experiences. That’s your toolbox. It’s different from mine and every other person’s in the world. Give freely and often from it. You never know the words or gestures that will make the difference. You only know that silence and indifference won’t make any.
    

• How do I best encourage?
  
  • Sometimes you just show up. Sometimes you offer an encouraging word. Sometimes you may have to challenge or confront a toxic behavior. There is no simple answer, however encouragement must convey belonging to the group, capacity to meet the expectations, and unwavering support regardless of the outcome.
    

Leaders thrive in helping others strive. This is the calling of every leader. Of course, we are all striving to be better, but as a leader we must be sure we are balancing the two.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!