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The YeaButs

Many, many moons ago in a land not too far away, there lived a family that seemed to have all the luxuries anyone could ask for. Their house was the biggest in the neighborhood, their cars the coolest, and their yard the most pristine. The success of the YeaButs was clear based solely on their property and physical possessions, but it didn’t stop there.

The only thing that could outdo the obvious material prosperity of the YeaButs was their ability to flourish socially and professionally. Mrs. YeaBut was a successful small business owner, finding just the right niche for her neighborhood. It had taken years to get there, but Mr. YeaBut had finally worked his way up to the CEO position he had set his eyes on when he first joined the company.

The YeaBut kids were equally impressive. The oldest, a son, was a star athlete in high school who had several scholarship offers to continue his athletic career but chose to accept an academic invitation to an Ivy League school to study medicine. Their youngest, a daughter, had become one of the best dancers in the country by the age of twelve and moved to New York City to pursue it as a career by sixteen. 

What a family. The YeaButs had it all.
Or, so it seemed.

Come to find out, Mr. and Mrs. YeaBut had been struggling in their marriage for over a decade. Several major differences surfaced throughout the years: his long hours working had led to almost a complete absence from family time; her huge initial investment necessary to get her business off the ground had created financial stress they had covered up for decades; his disappointment in his son’s passion for medicine rather than sports; her support of her daughter moving away to NYC at only sixteen against the well-wishes from him … the list continued, but these were the big ones. 

Nonetheless, the YeaButs put on their smile, shined their car, and paid their landscaper.
After all, they have an image to uphold, right?

Why Should We Care?
It’s that desired image too often becomes the defining decision-maker in our lives.

Most people have never considered the image they hold for themselves. Who do you see yourself as? Without that contemplation we become attuned to what others say and before long, we’re making decisions and taking actions in search of the image others hold for us. It’s literally an endless barrage of chatter that is only silenced with a clear understanding and acceptance of our own self-image.

The YeaButs family appeared perfect, but they weren’t. Like most other people they chose to pose rather than live fully. They chose to pretend rather than be. The house and the car didn’t ultimately matter to the YeaButs compared to a failing marriage and a separated family. 

But, hey, they had the best yard on the block … sweet, congrats.
Yea, we have a sweet house, but we don’t have a family to live in it.

Yea, I want to be present with my family, but I need to work overtime so I can get my promotion. Yea, I want to lose twenty pounds, but it’s the holidays. Yea, I want to be a hard worker, but I don’t feel good today. Yea, I want to start my own business, but what if it doesn’t work out? Yea, I want to give more than I take, but what if I don’t get anything back?

Yea, I want the team to win, but I need to average twenty points per game so everyone knows that I’m a good player. Yea, I want to be a good teammate, but sometimes other guys aren’t. Yea, I want to be a great player, but I don’t have time to work outside of practice. Yea, but … Yea, but … Yea, but …

Like a lot of other things in life, the yea-buts don’t stop until you choose to stop them. 

REAL TALK - Action Steps
These are easy circumstances and situations to recognize and acknowledge, but completely different to personally change. Here are a few thoughts on moving beyond yea-buts:

• Answer THE question. 
  
  • Who are you? Not, who do other people want you to be? Not, who do you think you should be? Who are you? What do you stand for? And, what do you believe is important?
    

• Hold up the mirror.
  
  • Any type of change will always begin with self-awareness. Without it, we have no chance of doing anything intentionally. Slow down, reflect, and be brutally honest with yourself. If given the option to pass blame or take blame, take it. You’ll be better off for it.
    

• Change yea-buts to yea-ands.
  
  • Yea I want to be present with my family AND I’m only working overtime two days per month. Yea I want to win and I’m prioritizing the team over myself. Yea-buts are excuses waiting to be executed. Yea-ands are promises waiting to be kept. Make a commitment to yourself: Yes-and.
    

YeaButs are only good at one thing - compromising. Stop the negotiation and justification. Tap into that reservoir of strength you get when you make, and keep, commitments to yourself. Yes, and …

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