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Whitewashed Tombstones

Mickey had his name on the door, the coolest sweat suit, and exuded the confidence that made parents trust him with their son's future. On recruiting calls, he spoke with authority about his knowledge of the next level and the importance of the parent-coach relationship. His resume gleamed with high profile recommendations, coaching accolades at every stop, and the numerous achievements of each player he had coached.
But behind his charming smile, Mickey was drowning.
He hadn't actually had the time to watch any recruiting film in several months, relying instead on his assistant's summaries and rankings published by the various media outlets. When the time for recruiting calls came, he flipped on the charm and offered vague reassurances while avoiding any meaningful connection. Mickey never ventured beneath the surface of relationships and rarely stepped outside his comfort zone to even explore his own original thoughts. 
The façade finally crumbled when his team found itself in the midst of a four game losing streak. Mickey was overwhelmed by the multitude of issues that seemed to spring up out of nowhere, his confident demeanor evaporated as it became clear he didn't understand himself or his own system. Within weeks, the four games turned into twelve. A closer look by his administration revealed his incompetence, and his carefully constructed reputation turned to ash.
Mickey had spent so much energy maintaining the appearance of a successful coach that he'd never actually developed the skills to be one. Everything looked great from the outside, but the inside was absent of any true substance - kind of like a whitewashed tombstone.
Why Should We Care?
There are a lot of people whitewashing their tombstones. And, a lot of them are leaders, or at least in a position of leadership. The danger, I hope you can see, is that the leader's lack of substance is no longer misleading a single person, but an entire group. The human, and often financial, toll can compound quickly.

A breach of trust is at the core of the charade. Leadership effectiveness depends almost entirely on trust, and nothing destroys trust faster than being exposed as incompetent or inauthentic. Few leaders ever recover. Teams become cynical, top performers leave, and cultures suffer lasting damage. 

Prioritizing appearing knowledgeable over actually being knowledgeable not only violates trust, but it propels a leader into a vicious cycle of becoming defensive, risk-averse, and isolated - exactly the opposite of what effective leadership requires. They spend more energy protecting their image than serving their people.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
Leaders set the tone for their culture. When leaders prioritize appearance over substance, they encourage their teams to do the same. This creates organizations full of people focused on looking good rather than being good - a recipe for mediocrity and eventual failure. Here are a few ideas to help you avoid it:

• Check Yourself 
  • What do people think you know compared to your actual skills? Where are the gaps? Honestly assess your skills versus your perceived expertise.

 

• Seek Feedback
  • Uncomfortable feedback. Find people with nothing to gain from flattering you, people who will tell you the unfiltered truth. The goal is to find out what people really think, not what they think you want to hear.

 

• Embrace a Beginner’s Mind
  • Regularly put yourself in situations where you are genuinely learning something new - and are struggling with it. The struggle is important. This keeps you connected to the humbling experience of not knowing everything and reminds you that growth requires genuine effort, not just appearances.

 

• Be Fully Transparent
  • Make "I don't know, but I'll find out" a regular part of your vocabulary. Share your learning process and mistakes openly. Credibility is far better than fake authority.

 

• Choose Substance Over Style
  • Allocate your time and energy to actually developing instead of promoting yourself. Make your internal development the foundation that supports your external reputation, not the other way around.

Leadership often comes down to this simple choice: will you spend your energy becoming someone worth following, or just appearing to be? 

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