bcg blog

When Your What's Your Why

Ten years into my coaching career was the first time it even crossed my mind. 

The room is about three-fourths full. Most have notebooks open on the table in front of them. A few stand, leaning against the wall ready to make a quick escape if the message isn’t worth hearing. At the front of the room, I sit at a small desk taking one final look at my notes. I brush off some natural nerves that anyone speaking in front of their peers experiences and stand as the MC approaches the microphone to introduce me.

He begins with my career record followed by a few accolades. No one in the room cares. But, for whatever the reason, the introduction registers with me. It generates a simple, but profound question that I continue to wrestle with from time to time, even now:

Is that really who I am - a series of numbers and meaningless awards?

If I were to be honest at the time, the answer was definitely yes. My identity was absolutely tied to my coaching performance. Unfortunately, the introduction suited me perfectly.

My ‘what’ was clearly my ‘why’.

Why Should We Care?
I realize now that I’m not the only one that has suffered from this skewed perspective. Almost everyone experiences it and virtually every leader must choose to intentionally fight it.

When we are dedicated to our craft we often never even consider the hours we put into it. For most, it’s not even work … it’s who we are (ope!). Of course, sometimes the dedication itself becomes our identity. Our purpose may be nothing more than being viewed as a hard worker.

All high performing people value achievement. As the leader, production is naturally important. The extent to which we prioritize the results provides a clear window as to the location of our ‘why’. It’s often easy for a performance-driven leader to become enamored with the label of leader.

When we are living in-line with our why, what we are doing almost becomes irrelevant. At our best, our why can be applied to all aspects of our lives. The ‘how’ becomes the differentiating factor. The process and experiences are elevated. The results and outcomes are surrendered, yet often surpass even our own expectations.

Unfortunately, when we aren’t living in-line with our why, what we are doing becomes irrelevant also. We may be well-known (for a while) or achieve great things (to soon be forgotten), but the resulting emptiness we are destined to feel will lead to questions we desperately wish we would’ve answered years earlier.

When your ‘what’ is your ‘why’, you are a far cry from the success you are looking for.

REAL TALK - Action Steps
This isn’t a box to check and move on. Being sure your ‘what’ is not your ‘why’ requires a high level of self-awareness and intentionality. Not to mention continuous work. Here are few thoughts on consistently re-evaluating your intent:

• Get Quiet
  
  • Stop talking. Stop listening to music and podcasts. Stop asking for other people’s advice and opinions. Enjoy and appreciate your thoughts. Most of us never step away from the noise to actually hear our own voice. How are we supposed to know what we think if we never listen to ourselves?
    

• Examine Failures
  
  • Failure offers so many opportunities to learn but we would prefer to dismiss them and avoid encountering the pain again. Putting them behind us and moving on can help at times, but more often than not the clues left by the failure are indicators of a flawed process … which can be an indicator or a misplaced ‘why’.
    

• Find Joy
  
  • Do other things that you enjoy and pay close attention to exactly what it is that brings you joy from those things. You can reflect on it now. What is it about your hobbies that you love? What brings you back to them time after time? Your ‘why’ is likely tucked away in there somewhere.
    

When your ‘what’ is your ‘why’ your impact is compromised, but more importantly so is your self-worth. You are more than what you do as long as you choose to make it so.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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