bcg blog

The Judgers

Starting is hard. Putting yourself out there is scary. Going for it when you are filled with doubt is one of the most difficult, and rewarding, choices you will ever make. But, you better believe there will be no shortage of critics. Fortunately, often all we need is that first believer.
He had just posted on Reddit about one of the most humiliating experiences of his life. It was his first time at a gym, but once there his nervousness only grew as he began his workout. When he struggled with the lightest of weights, a few muscle-heads a few stations over laughed at him. Immediately demoralized, he vowed to never go back. 
While the onlookers at the gym were critics, one Reddit poster was not. Arnold Schwarzenegger, seven time Mr. Olympia and one of the most famous bodybuilders in history, saw the post - why he was on Reddit at the time I have no idea. And, he responded, "I always say don't be afraid of failure, because how far can you really fall? You found out. To the ground. Now we know it isn't that far, and you can get up. Keep going. I promise it gets better."
His post continued, "The last guy I rooted for broke a world record in the dead lift. You have more in common with him than you think. He started out lifting just the bar too. We all did. You took the first step and you fell, but at least you fell in the right direction, so get back up and take the next step. Keep moving forward." 
This guy may have been just trying to do his first squat, but the pattern holds for all levels of achievement. Those in the arena don’t judge, that’s a special given by those outside the arena. A bodybuilder remembers what it was like when he started out and could barely lift the bar. He supports and encourages him because he understands the process, the struggle. 
Keep this in mind when you’re choosing who to listen to, or thinking about being critical, it's always the people going nowhere who are judging.
Why Should We Care?
The judgment most people fear isn't coming from where they think it is. When they start something new, take a risk, attempt something difficult, their brain tells them that everyone is watching and judging. And you're right, some people are judging. But what you need to understand is that the people whose judgment actually matters aren't judging you. They're rooting for you. They remember their first failed business or last terrible performance. They know that trying and falling is the only way to move forward, to progress at all.
The people who are judging you are the ones standing still. They're the people who have accepted mediocrity and need to mock beginners to feel superior. Arnold's identity wasn't threatened by someone else's attempt at growth. When you're secure in who you are (not what you’ve done), you don't need to protect yourself from others' efforts, you can celebrate them.
Who you listen to will either accelerate or sabotage your growth. If you're making decisions based on what the judgmental bystanders think, you'll play it safe, avoid risks, and stay stuck in comfortable mediocrity. The question isn't whether people will judge you when you try something difficult. They will. The question is, whose voice are you going to let matter?
REAL TALK - Action Steps
Learning to tune out judgment from people going nowhere while listening to wisdom from people who've been where you want to go requires intentional practices that help you discern which voices deserve your attention. Here are a few ideas to help you embrace that perspective:

• Board of Advisors 
  
  • Identify 3-5 people who have actually achieved what you're attempting, people whose judgment you respect because they've walked the path you're on. People who have achieved genuine success almost always encourage beginners because they remember being beginners themselves. Create a document where you collect wisdom from these voices, quotes, advice, and principles then review it when you're tempted to listen to judgment from people who haven't done anything. 
    
• Consider the Source
  
  • When you receive criticism or judgment, before you internalize it, ask three questions: 1. Has this person actually accomplished what I'm attempting? 2. Is this person actively pursuing growth in their own life, or are they stuck? 3. Does this criticism come from someone who wants me to succeed, or someone who needs me to fail so they feel better about their own mediocrity? Allow these answers to guide your use, or dismissal, of the criticism.
    
• Deal Hope to Others
  
  • The fastest way to internalize that accomplished people don't judge beginners is to become that person for someone else. Identify someone who is attempting something you've already done. Reach out and encourage them. Share your early failures. Tell them what you wish someone had told you when you were starting. Supporting others' attempts doesn't diminish your success. It amplifies it. 
    

When you're attempting something difficult, the judgment will come. Get ready for it. It should not surprise you. But if you listen carefully, you'll notice that the harshest criticism comes from people who have never done what you're trying to do. The people who have actually climbed the mountain don't stand at the bottom mocking those trying to start the ascent. 

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!