bcg blog

Fighting Anticipation

There's an old western story that I've always liked. Three cowboys set out early in the morning and rode hard through the whole day with nothing in their stomachs. By midday two of them feel the need to express their frustrations and begin to complain - about the heat, about their saddle, but particularly about how long it had been since breakfast. They went on and on describing how hungry they were, as if the words themselves would fill them up.
The third cowboy, who had been in the saddle just as long and eaten just as little, said nothing.
Finally, one of the others turned to him and asked if he was hungry.
The third cowboy simply shrugged and shook his head ‘no’. Of course, that reply only prompted the first two cowboys to double down on their pain and struggle with more complaints.
That evening when they finally arrived at their destination, they settled in for their first meal of the day. The first to fill his plate and begin scarfing down his food … the third cowboy, the one who claimed to not be hungry. His two partners, surprised and watching closely, finally asked, "I thought you said you weren't hungry?"
The third cowboy set his fork down on his empty plate and looked at them for a second before replying, "Not wise to be hungry then. No food."
Why Should We Care?
Complaining is one of the most socially acceptable habits we have, which is exactly what makes it so dangerous. We treat it as a release valve. A way to connect. A reasonable response to difficulty. As true as any of those are, they rarely improve the situation. Most of the time, complaining about a problem that has no immediate solution is just an energy leak which costs more than we realize.
The cowboy in the story above wasn't pretending. He simply made a choice. Rather than suppressing his discomfort through gritted teeth while secretly suffering he made a decision to disregard his feeling of hunger completely knowing that the awareness of his hunger, with zero ability to fix it in that moment, served no useful purpose. So he redirected his energy toward things that did. He stayed present. He did the work in front of him. And when food arrived and he could actually do something about being hungry, he did.
There's a version of this that shows up everywhere in leadership and life. Complaining doesn't make the food come faster,  the meeting more organized, or the practice more productive. It just makes the ride feel longer.
The best leaders are constantly assessing if the challenge immediately in front of them is something they can fix right now. If the answer is yes, then they stop talking and fix it. If the answer is no, they minimize the energy on it until they can. They aren't wired for denial, they're wired for efficiency. They understand that suffering out loud benefits no one. 
REAL TALK - Action Steps
Here are a few ideas to shift your thinking in this direction.

• What Can I Do? 
  
  • Before you voice a complaint, ask yourself honestly if there is something you can actually do about it right now? If the answer is yes, do that instead of complaining. If the answer is no, notice that you were about to spend energy on something that costs you and changes nothing. That awareness should start to shift the habit.
    

• So What, Now What
  
  • For one week, pay attention to how much time and attention you give to problems you can't currently solve. Most people are genuinely surprised by how often they're mentally engaged with complaining about a problem they can do nothing about. Seeing the pattern is the first step toward breaking it.
    

• Saving AND Applying
  
  • Whatever you are conserving yourself for, make sure you arrive there ready. The discipline of staying quiet when nothing productive can happen is what allows you to bring everything when something can. Save it. It's worth more when you need it.
    

The real battle most of us lose isn't with the problem itself, but with the anticipation of the problem. We love to rehearse the difficulty before it arrives. That's the trap. Not the hard thing itself, but the mental miles we log dreading it. The discipline of staying present and of refusing to suffer before suffering is even required is one of the most underrated forms of toughness there is.

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