bcg blog

Charitable Assumptions

It’s the early days of my coaching career and my ego is running point, clinging tightly to all the rules of a head coach so everyone knows who’s in charge. I’m dressed up, a tie with a snazzy polo vest over it for games. I’m barking orders at practice, making it clear who is in control of the gym. I’m laboring over offenses that help us score and defenses that keep the other team from it. I’m making rules and enforcing punishments. No exceptions. It’s my way or the highway.

Like every organized team worth a dime, punctuality is one of those rules at the top of the list. The rule is simple. If you’re late, you run. How much depends on how late you are. It doesn’t take long making an example of a few players before we have full compliance. Well, except for one guy.

Dustin Macy, a senior post player on the team, is the exception. He’s rarely early, which everyone knows is really on time. More concerning than that, he would mix in a few days here and there that he is actually late to practice. He runs, every time. A rule is a rule. The standard is the standard. You do the crime, you do the time. He never complains, just apologizes and runs. I never ask, just assume and move on. 

There are a variety of assumptions, but all in the same light - critical. I assume he doesn’t care enough about basketball or the team to get there on time. I assume he wants to do his own thing instead of what the team needs him to do. I assume he is just selfish, thinking about himself instead of the team. All critical. All judgmental. 

Eventually I have a good day. One in which I become curious. One in which my critical assumptions became charitable ones. I finally ask him why he is late. The answer … he was waiting at home long enough to get his little sister off the bus since his mom, who was working, wasn’t home yet. Usually she could make it home, but there were days she would have to stay late at work and he never knew when those were he explained.

That’s a pretty good reason. A charitable assumption would have led me to asking much sooner. Which would’ve led me to understanding the value of a standard over a rule much sooner. This situation flipped me from being a harsh rule follower to someone that applies standards instead. From this point forward I realized a golden truth to leadership - fair is not equal and equal is not fair.

Why Should We Care?
Rules are easy. They don't require thinking, only enforcing. A standard requires discernment, curiosity, and the willingness to see people instead of just policing behavior. Most leaders default to rules because rules are safe. They apply evenly, don't require conversation, and protect you from ever being accused of playing favorites. But evenly applied isn't the same as right. A rule punishes the action. A standard understands the person behind it. And you can't get to a standard without first extending a charitable assumption.
The real problem here is that critical assumptions feel like accountability. They feel like leadership. But every time we assume the worst about someone's motive, we're not protecting the team. We're protecting ourselves from the harder work of actually understanding.
The world runs on critical assumptions because they're fast. Charitable ones take time, humility, and the risk of being wrong. But they're also the only path to real leadership. Dustin wasn't selfish or uncommitted to the team. He was doing exactly what he should’ve been doing, making the exact decision we would be proud of him making. 
Charitable assumptions lead to curiosity. And curiosity is the gateway to understanding.
REAL TALK - Action Steps
Charitable assumptions aren't natural. Here's a few ideas on how to build the habit.

• Ask Before You Assume 
  
  • It’s simple. Before you respond to someone's behavior, ask why. Not as a formality, but as a genuine attempt to understand. This IS the charitable assumption.
    

• Separate the Person
  
  • Being late isn't necessarily lazy. Being quiet isn't necessarily disinterested. Behavior is just data, not a verdict. Hold the behavior loosely until you have the context to know what it actually means.
    

• Build Standards
  
  • Rules are rigid. They’re meant to be, they apply to everyone the same way. Standards flex because people aren't the same. Fair isn't equal, and equal isn't fair. Know the difference and lead accordingly.
    

Make charitable assumptions and give people the benefit of the doubt before you give them a consequence. You might find that the real story was never what you assumed.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!

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