bcg blog

Self-Awareness' Gift: Grace

“The Decision” … come on, you remember it. 
It’s July 2010 and LeBron sits down for a televised special to announce he’s leaving his hometown of Cleveland to create a superteam in Miami, all in pursuit of an NBA championship. It worked, he won - two of them to be exact. But, in Northeast Ohio, James instantly went from the savior to something just short of the anti-christ.
That is, until four years later when he returned to Cleveland. Ah, back to the savior … There was a different feel with this change however. James, now considerably older and more mature, seemed to be following his heart as much as he was changing teams. In a Sports Illustrated essay he wrote “My relationship with Northeast Ohio is bigger than basketball. I didn't realize that four years ago. I do now.”
This was just as much an apology as it was evidence of a growing self-awareness. He could have stayed away, protected his ego and reputation. Instead he extended forgiveness to Dan Gilbert, the agitated owner of the Cavs who fired off a seething, public letter in response to his first departure. James then admitted how he’d prioritized championships over community; and confessed to the tactless way he’d handled his departure. His self-awareness created space for grace. Grace to others who had hurt him and grace to himself for his own mistakes. 
All too often we see the other side of the self-awareness coin. The one that refuses to recognize or acknowledge shortcomings, pretends to operate in a silo, and ignores the impact on the rest of the world. All while robbing themselves and others of the gift of grace.
Why Should We Care?
Here’s a realization we all eventually come to: self-awareness is the foundation of grace, both toward others and toward ourselves. When we truly understand our own struggles, insecurities, and failures, we gain the capacity to recognize those same struggles in others. We stop seeing people's behaviors as attacks on us and start seeing them as expressions of their own pain, confusion, or limitations. That awareness creates the possibility for grace.
The same principle applies with ourselves. Most leaders I know are far more gracious with others than they are with themselves. They can extend compassion to struggling team members while simultaneously beating themselves up for similar challenges. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we can't sustainably extend grace to others without also learning to extend it to ourselves. When we’re constantly judging our own mistakes harshly, we’ll eventually project that same judgment onto others. Self-awareness breaks this cycle because when we see ourselves clearly, we gain the humility to recognize that we’re doing the best we can with what we know in each moment. That recognition doesn't create complacency, it creates compassion. And compassion for ourselves naturally overflows into compassion for others.
Grace is what makes teams resilient. When people know their leader can see them clearly and fully  believe in them, they'll take risks, admit mistakes, and pursue excellence without fear. But when leaders operate without self-awareness, they create environments where people hide their struggles, fake competence, and avoid vulnerability at all costs. 
The leader who has never examined their own failures can't extend grace for others' failures. The leader who hasn't acknowledged their own need for support can't create space for others to admit they need help. 
REAL TALK - Action Steps
Developing the self-awareness that enables grace requires intentional practices to help you see yourself and others more clearly, without the distortions of ego or shame. Here’s a few to get you started:

• See It. Find It.  
  
  • When someone's behavior frustrates or disappoints you, reflect on when you’ve done something similar. Self-inspection will help you find the shared humanity in the frustration. This practice doesn't just build empathy, it builds the self-awareness that makes grace feel natural rather than forced. When you can see your own capacity for the same mistakes, extending grace stops being generous and starts being honest.
    

• 2 x 2 
  
  • Two questions, twice a day: Where did I need grace today? Where might someone else have needed grace from me? Be specific. These checkpoints build awareness for noticing both when you're struggling and when others might be. Over time, this practice makes extending grace more automatic because you're constantly aware of the human context surrounding everyone's performance.
    

• Failure Journal
  
  • When you make a mistake or fall short of your standards, resist the urge to immediately fix it and move on. Instead, spend 15 minutes writing about it. First, acknowledge what happened without minimizing or defending. Second, identify what circumstances  contributed to the failure. Third, write what you would say to a friend who had made the same mistake. 
    

Self-awareness is the gateway, not the goal. The goal is becoming the kind of person who can see clearly, love generously, and lead with both strength and compassion.

Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!