 Return On InvestmentFred Rogers didn't pass the eye test for a leader. He had no corner office, no title worth bragging about, and no noteworthy prodigies he was responsible for. What he had was a television show, a nice cardigan, and a true conviction about how to treat people.
What most people don't know is that Rogers was deeply intentional about every relationship he built and not in the manipulative way many leaders attempt to gain trust. He kept a mental list of people who had impacted him. He wrote personal, handwritten letters to them often out of nowhere, years after their last interaction. He didn't tally what people owed him. As a matter of fact, he never seemed to be keeping score at all. In a world that measures everything, Fred Rogers was stubbornly, consistently unmeasurable. People who knew him well said the same thing - you always felt like the most important person in the room. That wasn't a technique. It was the natural output of someone who had genuinely stopped calculating and started caring. He was the epitome of a ‘there you are’ person rather than a ‘here I am’ person. The 100/0 Principle is a simple guide to all relationships. You view the relationship as 100% your responsibility and expect 0% in return. When we remove the expectation of receiving, we are more free to give. As long as there is a thought of a return on investment, the percentage will always fall below 100% and our relationships will be left wanting more. Why Should We Care? Return on investment is a brilliant concept for capital. You put money in, you measure what comes back, and you make decisions based on the math. Clean. Logical. Efficient. It fits nicely in a spreadsheet. The problem is that we've snuck it into our relationships, and it's slowly poisoning them. If we’re not careful we will start keeping unconscious ledgers on people. Who showed up for us, who didn't, who gave more than they got, who owes us something - all become unconscious scoreboards. We invest our time and attention with one eye always on the return. The moment a relationship stops paying off, we begin to withdraw. Unfortunately, we fail to realize the people around us always feel it. They may not be able to name it, but they know immediately when they're a transaction. They know when your generosity has strings. They know when your loyalty is conditional on performance. The moment they sense the ledger, the trust is already gone. Deep relationships that last through real adversity, produce real loyalty, and create the kind of team or family culture that actually works. And, something that cannot be built on a return on investment framework. They are built on something fundamentally different. Generosity without guarantee, presence without performance metrics, and commitment that doesn't recalculate when the numbers shift … those are the real lifeblood of relationships and a championship culture. Fred Rogers didn't write those letters because he expected something in return. He did it because he understood that people are not investments. They are ends in themselves. And leaders who genuinely believe that build something that no spreadsheet can quantify and no competitor can replicate. REAL TALK - Action Steps Here are a few ideas to keep the idea of return on investment out of mind while you’re building relationships and your team:
Decide on your commitment to the people in your charge and then honor it. Not because they've earned it yet, but because you've decided who you are as a leader regardless of the return. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!
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 Demanding or DemeaningWhen you take over a new team or program, there are typically one of two reasons: the previous coach left for a better opportunity or the previous coach was fired. The latter was the case for the two and fourteen San Francisco 49ers in 1979. The organization was a mess and the locker room was a disaster. Most leaders would charge into the situation with brute force, calling on fear to push people harder and harder until the necessary changes were made. But, Bill Walsh isn’t most leaders.
To be clear, he was relentlessly demanding. He identified thirty separate physical skills required to play a single offensive line position, then built a drill for each one. He required tucked shirts, punctuality, no profanity, and no sitting during practice. And, everyone, from Jerry Rice to the receptionist at the front desk, was held to the same non-negotiable Standard of Performance. Nothing was beneath his attention and nothing was acceptable at less than full effort. But most noted by his former coaches and players was his ability to do so without degrading people. When something went wrong, there was no finger-pointing, no public humiliation. It was direct and matter-of-fact, always citing the mistake followed immediately by the correction. He critiqued himself just as hard as he critiqued anyone else. Walsh understood something that too many leaders never fully grasp. Demanding more from someone is an act of belief. When he believed in a player, like a third-round draft pick named Joe Montana that most scouts had written off, he made sure in word and deed that the player knew exactly how much he believed in him. Demeaning, on the other hand, is an act of contempt. They can look almost identical from the outside but they come from completely different hearts. One says I know you're capable of more. The other says Is that all you’ve got? The standard is the same. The words and impact are not. Why Should We Care? The power leadership offers doesn't build our character as much as it exposes it. The pressure of a struggling team member or a repeated mistake is when our real heart posture shows up. And you can bet the people we lead feel it, even if they choose to not articulate it. They instinctively know the difference between a leader who pushes them because they believe in them and one who tears them down because they don’t. The real danger for the leader is self-deception. It's easy to convince ourselves we're just "high-standards" people while our ego is actually just running on emotion and pride. Demanding behavior that comes from a humble, others-focused heart builds people up. The exact same behavior, sometimes the exact same words, coming from a judgmental or self-serving heart tears people down. Our people know the difference, even when we don't. And this doesn't just apply to how we lead others. It applies to how we lead ourselves. When we pursue excellence in our own lives, we have to monitor our inner dialogue. The principle doesn't change. Demanding without demeaning, even with yourself, is a posture of belief and dignity, not punishment. Heart posture is the lens through which everything else gets interpreted. REAL TALK - Action Steps You already know whether you lean toward demanding or demeaning. You can feel it. The question is what you do with that knowledge. Here are three things you can act on today:
The line between demanding and demeaning is rarely visible in the moment. It lives in our why, the intentionality and posture of heart we carry into every interaction. An uncompromising standard and genuine dignity for people are not in conflict. Real excellence is built on both. Guard your heart, lead from it well, and the standard will take care of itself. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here! |
About bcI'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms. Archives
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