 What Others WantThe buttery smell of popcorn draws you in; but the squeaking shoes, shrill call of a whistle, and dull thud of a bouncing ball keeps you there. Friday nights are for high school sports and this chilly December night is no different. It’s early in the season and you’re just hoping to get a look at the local team’s squad for the first time.
The pep band sets off the twenty minute clock as both teams circle the court and report to their end for pre-game warm-ups. You scan both ends, gauging the observable difference in size and athleticism while unknowingly forming your own prediction for how the game will play out. Forming an opinion on such a small sample is dangerous, but fairly accurate in most circumstances. At this point, the opposing team looks bigger and more athletic than your team. That doesn’t concern you though, your team doesn’t typically pass the ‘eye test’. You do have grounds for concern though: the warm-up routine at both ends looks ‘cool’. Smooth, fancy passes followed by missed layups and off-balance jump shots are the norm. You’ve watched your team enough to know that’s now how they traditionally warm-up. Your coach notices it too. Within five minutes of coming onto the court, the team is sent back to the locker room - not their customary routine. The opposing end continues preparation with their half speed, two line layups. Before you know it, your team returns to the floor. This time they look different though. There’s an obvious bounce in their step that was lacking before. The passes are on target and popping in and out of players’ hands. There is an urgency and purpose to your team’s warm-up now. They seem to have left the ‘cool’ in the locker room this time. Why Should We Care? Far too often, success becomes nothing more than presenting a life we think others want. Much like the warm-ups described above, what we think others want rarely leads to true success. Basketball players think what others want is for their performance to appear easy, effortless. That’s ‘cool’ - difficult shots with minimal efforts. Just like ‘cool’ cripples a basketball team, defining success by what others want does the same thing for your pursuit of excellence. In our pursuit to appease the masses we turn our back on ourselves. We exchange our own potential for a round of applause, our excellence for a few likes. It never feels as good as we thought it would. The gap resides in what we perceive as the source of fulfillment. Approval is usually our first guess. Why shouldn’t it be? That’s what we’ve been conditioned to value our whole life. Plus, that external praise always seems to deliver that little jolt of warm comfort that makes us feel good, at least for a moment. It never lasts. We need another hit the next moment. The good news? Eventually, we all - yes, all - realize the futility of this pursuit and are forced (or choose) to adjust. Eventually what others want becomes secondary to our priorities. At some point, we begin pursuing who we were created to be instead of who others want us to be. REAL TALK - Action Steps The real question is: when is that time for you? Have you already made the change? If not, then when? Now is as good of a time as any! Here are a few ideas to help you go for it:
Nobody on the road to excellence cares about ‘cool’. Majority opinion does not equate to fulfillment. For the best, what others want is of virtually no concern. What they need, maybe. What they want, not so much. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!
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 Striving & ThrivingIt’s 5:15am on a weekday morning. From my bedroom I can smell the smokey goodness of the sausage patties and hear the crackling of the eggs hitting the skillet. My alarm clock, also known as mom, has just gently shaken me from my sleep coma to let me know that breakfast is almost ready. I roll out of bed, blindly dressing and stumbling to the bathroom. I eventually land at the table where a plate full of morning goodness greets me. I say thank you but gobble it up incapable of truly appreciating all that went into it.
This was my school day morning from seventh grade through my senior year of high school. I was getting up to workout and become the best basketball player I could be. Mom got up because I got up. It’s only in reflecting on those mornings that I can even begin to appreciate all each of those mornings entailed for her. Waking up - before 5:15am - so she could get breakfast started and wake me up right when I needed to get up, being sure we had all the food for breakfast - that I liked of course, and somehow smiling and acting like she wanted to be up … that early … again. I see now she was giving a masterclass in leadership. I was striving to become a college basketball player. She never questioned the work or where it may or may not take me. Instead, she loved, encouraged, and supported regardless of the circumstances - for me or her. She was being mom. While I was striving, she was thriving. Why Should We Care? Leadership is synonymous with service. If you aren’t serving, then you aren’t leading. Sure, you may be accomplishing great things, making tons of money, or receiving high praise; but you aren’t leading. The top performers in most fields are typically labeled with the ‘leadership’ tag strictly based on their performance or position, yet it is rarely fully accurate. As most climb the ladder, they like to proclaim their leadership moxy as another testament to their superiority. However, the climb itself is usually counter to the service mindset required of a leader. In order to climb, we must take. In order to lead, we must give. This is quite the dichotomy in our pursuit of growth. What to do, what to do? The right answer - yes, there is a right answer - as most usually discover far too late, is to give … and keep giving. The trajectory to the top may not be as steep but it will most certainly end up higher. And, if for some reason it doesn’t, you realize you didn’t need to go there anyway. Back to Brenda Cupps. Her leadership allowed me to strive. She constantly gives and though she’s never been CEO or president of a company, you won’t find anyone more dedicated to serving those she leads. My striving has been nourished by her thriving. REAL TALK - Action Steps The perspective is different in leadership. Most of the time you aren’t sailing the ship. Oh, I know, you think you are, but you’re not. The people you lead are. Your job is to help them sail it as well as they possibly can. In order to do that, you have to get over what you want. Here are a few questions to help you down that path:
Leaders thrive in helping others strive. This is the calling of every leader. Of course, we are all striving to be better, but as a leader we must be sure we are balancing the two. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here! |
About bcI'm a teacher, coach, and parent seeking excellence while defining success on my own terms. Archives
March 2025
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