 Thank You or Thank MeThere aren’t a lot of celebrities we know by one name: LeBron, Kobe, Madonna, Beyonce. They’re always people that have stood out as the standard for their profession. In acting, one of the few single-name icons is Denzel. Few have done it better.
If you ask Denzel how he became one of the greatest actors of his generation, he won't even acknowledge his talent. He won't talk about his work ethic or his natural presence on the screen. He'll tell you about Billy Thomas at the Boys Club in Mount Vernon. Billy was a counselor who hung college pennants on the club's walls. You go to college, you get a pennant of your school hung. Denzel would stare at those pennants from schools he’d never heard of with dreams of possibility flooding his head. He was so impressed with Billy that he started imitating And, then there was Bob Stone, Denzel’s English teacher at Fordham who had been on Broadway. After Denzel appeared in a student production of Othello, Stone wrote him a letter of recommendation that essentially said, "If you don't have the talent to nurture this young man, then don't accept him." Denzel still carries that letter in his wallet and reads it any time he needs to re-center. When Denzel gave the commencement speech at Dillard University in 2015, he opened with this: "I want to congratulate all the parents and friends and family and aunties and uncles and grandmothers and grandfathers, and teachers and friends and enemies. All the people that helped you to get where you are today, congratulations to you all." He continued, "Everything that you think you see in me. Everything that I've accomplished, everything that you think I have - and I have a few things. Everything that I have is by the grace of God. Understand that. It's a gift." Two-time Academy Award winner. Cultural icon. One of the most respected actors in Hollywood. And his first instinct when talking about his success? Gratitude. Not self-congratulation. Gratitude. If someone asked you how you arrived where you are, would your answer sound more like self-congratulation or gratitude? Why Should We Care? The myth of the self-made man is seductive because it feels empowering. If you're self-made, you don't owe anyone anything. Your success is yours alone. Nobody else. Pound your chest. Claim your power. But, prepare to live with the entitlement, arrogance, and isolation that comes with it. Acknowledging the people who helped you doesn't diminish your accomplishments. Nobody gets anywhere alone. The teacher who stayed late to help you. The mentor who made the introduction that changed your trajectory. The friend who believed in you when you didn't believe in yourself. The parent who sacrificed so you could have an opportunity they never had. When we start believing our own narrative about being self-made, we become insufferable leaders. We stop seeing the contributions of others because we're too busy telling the story of our own greatness. We stop expressing gratitude because we've convinced ourselves we earned it all on our own. And in the process, we create cultures where people feel used rather than valued, where contribution goes unacknowledged, and where entitlement replaces humility. Living with a heart of gratitude doesn't mean you deny your hard work or minimize your effort. Denzel worked hard. He showed up. He took risks. But he also had Billy Thomas hanging pennants on walls. He had Bob Stone writing letters. Both things are true - he worked hard, and he had help. Gratitude is what allows you to hold both truths simultaneously. When you're genuinely grateful for the people who helped you climb, you don't start acting like you built the mountain. REAL TALK - Action Steps Shifting from self-congratulation to gratitude requires intentional practices that retrain your brain to see the web of people who made your success possible. Here are a few ideas along those lines:
The truth is, you didn't get here alone. Neither did I. When we lead with gratitude instead of self-congratulation, we become the kind of leaders people actually want to follow. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!
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 Who Do You Believe In?There has been one team in NBA History to win a championship without a Hall of Fame player on their roster. No MVP candidates. No high profile guys that were marketed as the face of the league. No player on their roster even averaged more than 18 points per game. Just twelve guys who believed in the team more than themselves.
The Detroit Pistons, at the Palace of Auburn Hills, spoke for every team-minded person when they beat the Los Angeles Lakers in June of 2004 to capture the NBA Championship. Leaning on the team, the Pistons were able to counter the talent of four future Hall of Famers - Shaq, Kobe, Karl Malone, and Gary Payton. And, they didn’t just beat them. They dominated them 4-1 in the NBA Finals. The Lakers were built prioritizing talent - the Pistons prioritizing team. The stars over the system. Individual brilliance that was supposed to outshine collective effort. On paper, it wasn't even close. But the game isn't played on paper and in basketball two plus two doesn’t always equal four. Of course, that requires leadership that wholeheartedly believes in the power of a team. Larry Brown was that guy. Coach Brown built a culture around defense, sacrifice, and trust. Roles became clear. Players became empowered. No name guys became major contributors to a championship-caliber team. Chauncey Billups earned the nickname "Mr. Big Shot" because his teammates trusted him in the biggest moments. Richard ‘Rip’ Hamilton ran himself into exhaustion every night swerving in and out of screens set by Ben Wallace - an undersized, undrafted big man who would eventually become Defensive Player of the Year in the league three times over. All because they bought into the identity of the team rather than the individual. Chauncey Billups was named Finals MVP despite not even making the All-Star team in 2004. He minced no words in his acceptance speech: "They may have had the better individuals, but we always felt we were the better team." Talent certainly matters, but it’s not the deciding factor so many think it is. The talent just needs to be in the ballpark. The Lakers believed in their individual talent. The Pistons believed in their team. Why Should We Care? Belief in the individual looks seductive because talent is easy to see. You can measure points, stats, and accolades. You can talk potential and sell hope for what might be. It’s tangible. People can see it. They can add it up, rank it. Two plus two should equal four. But belief in the individual is dangerous because it creates environments where the most talented players aren’t held accountable, roles are undervalued, and protecting ego becomes more important than pursuing excellence. And, just wait for adversity to hit - the lack of a true foundation immediately becomes unnervingly clear. Belief in the team is harder to build because it requires sacrifice from everyone. Yes, that includes your best, most talented, players. It requires everyone, especially your top performers, to buy into something bigger than themselves. It means roles are clearly defined to create freedom and empowerment rather than allowing them to remain vague and limiting. They are ultimately used to maximize each individual’s contribution to the team. It means accountability is universal, not selective. The most talented don’t get a pass due to their talent, they’re held to a higher standard precisely because of it. On these teams, two plus two always adds up to way more than four. When you believe in the team, trust is a multiplier. People cover for other’s weaknesses. They celebrate teammates' successes. They embrace roles instead of resenting them. The team becomes resilient because they depend on each other, not themselves. REAL TALK - Action Steps Building a culture that believes in the team over the individual doesn't happen by accident. It requires intentional decisions that protect the team even when it's uncomfortable. Here are a few thoughts on moving in this direction with your team:
Of course talent matters. But, so does the team. One has to be the priority, the other just part of the equation. When you choose to believe in the team, your potential is no longer limited to the sum of the parts. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  The JudgersStarting is hard. Putting yourself out there is scary. Going for it when you are filled with doubt is one of the most difficult, and rewarding, choices you will ever make. But, you better believe there will be no shortage of critics. Fortunately, often all we need is that first believer.
He had just posted on Reddit about one of the most humiliating experiences of his life. It was his first time at a gym, but once there his nervousness only grew as he began his workout. When he struggled with the lightest of weights, a few muscle-heads a few stations over laughed at him. Immediately demoralized, he vowed to never go back. While the onlookers at the gym were critics, one Reddit poster was not. Arnold Schwarzenegger, seven time Mr. Olympia and one of the most famous bodybuilders in history, saw the post - why he was on Reddit at the time I have no idea. And, he responded, "I always say don't be afraid of failure, because how far can you really fall? You found out. To the ground. Now we know it isn't that far, and you can get up. Keep going. I promise it gets better." His post continued, "The last guy I rooted for broke a world record in the dead lift. You have more in common with him than you think. He started out lifting just the bar too. We all did. You took the first step and you fell, but at least you fell in the right direction, so get back up and take the next step. Keep moving forward." This guy may have been just trying to do his first squat, but the pattern holds for all levels of achievement. Those in the arena don’t judge, that’s a special given by those outside the arena. A bodybuilder remembers what it was like when he started out and could barely lift the bar. He supports and encourages him because he understands the process, the struggle. Keep this in mind when you’re choosing who to listen to, or thinking about being critical, it's always the people going nowhere who are judging. Why Should We Care? The judgment most people fear isn't coming from where they think it is. When they start something new, take a risk, attempt something difficult, their brain tells them that everyone is watching and judging. And you're right, some people are judging. But what you need to understand is that the people whose judgment actually matters aren't judging you. They're rooting for you. They remember their first failed business or last terrible performance. They know that trying and falling is the only way to move forward, to progress at all. The people who are judging you are the ones standing still. They're the people who have accepted mediocrity and need to mock beginners to feel superior. Arnold's identity wasn't threatened by someone else's attempt at growth. When you're secure in who you are (not what you’ve done), you don't need to protect yourself from others' efforts, you can celebrate them. Who you listen to will either accelerate or sabotage your growth. If you're making decisions based on what the judgmental bystanders think, you'll play it safe, avoid risks, and stay stuck in comfortable mediocrity. The question isn't whether people will judge you when you try something difficult. They will. The question is, whose voice are you going to let matter? REAL TALK - Action Steps Learning to tune out judgment from people going nowhere while listening to wisdom from people who've been where you want to go requires intentional practices that help you discern which voices deserve your attention. Here are a few ideas to help you embrace that perspective:
When you're attempting something difficult, the judgment will come. Get ready for it. It should not surprise you. But if you listen carefully, you'll notice that the harshest criticism comes from people who have never done what you're trying to do. The people who have actually climbed the mountain don't stand at the bottom mocking those trying to start the ascent. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here!  Courage is ContagiousIf you’re a Jordan fan, you remember the commercial clearly. You’d never thought about the message he shared from that direction; but the moment you heard it, you knew just how true it was.
The commercial starts with Jordan walking down a hall, photographers' cameras clicking in the background, when you hear him say: "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." What made this commercial so appealing wasn't what Jordan said. It was that he said it at all. Here was the greatest basketball player in the world (and of all time … you know it’s true), at the peak of his career, publicly cataloging his failures. He'd been cut from his high school varsity basketball team, lost hundreds of games, and missed thousands of shots during his career. But instead of hiding those failures, he was broadcasting them to millions. The commercial was impactful because it revealed the under-appreciated connection between courage and fear. Jordan was modeling a completely different relationship with failure and, in turn, a different relationship with the courage to move forward in spite of it. Fear spreads when people hide their failures and pretend excellence comes easy. Courage becomes contagious when we are willing to own our failures publicly and make it safe for others to do the same. Why Should We Care? We don't just catch each other's colds. We catch each other's habits, behaviors, and beliefs too. The emotional climate of any team or organization is contagious. When a leader operates from fear by avoiding risks, magnifying failures, or playing it safe to protect their reputation; that fear spreads like a virus through their entire team. But when a leader models courage by taking calculated risks, processing failure as feedback, and staying calm in uncertainty; that courage becomes equally contagious. This is one of the reasons why the people we surround ourselves with matter so much. If you're surrounded by people who operate from scarcity and fear, you'll absorb that mindset whether you try to or not. But, if you're around people who process failure as part of the process you'll develop an entirely different relationship with courage and risk. Your mindset around failure doesn't just affect you. It shapes the entire culture of your team. The leaders who build truly resilient teams aren't always those with the most talent or resources, they're the ones who have learned to process failure in ways that inspire courage rather than spread fear. REAL TALK - Action Steps Becoming someone who spreads courage rather than fear requires intentional practices around how you process failure and how you create environments where others feel safe taking risks. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Fostering contagious courage is really pretty simple. Surround yourself with people whose courage is more contagious than their fear, whose response to struggle strengthens you rather than diminishes you. Then, be that for others. Checkout Surrender the Outcome on Amazon and order The Score That Matters with Ryan Hawk & Brook Cupps. The latest blog from Blue Collar Grit can be found here! |
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